Tears In My Eyes
Yesterday Baby MPB and I spent some time at a local children’s play area.
At first, it was just the two of us. Which meant, Baby MPB had the entire area to play. He’s turning into a little climber, so he climbed stairs. He found a tunnel to crawl through, and he attempted to walk between random animal shaped play things (not sure how to describe them, one was a giant hippo and one was a giant lion, both made out of some sort of shiny plastic. Regardless, their design is not the point).
Eventually we were joined by other families. Presumably the parents were doing exactly what I was doing, letting our children burn off some excess energy playing in a warm indoor space.
And then it happened – it being today’s point.
An older boy, maybe 3 or 4, started playing with Baby MPB. Baby MPB followed him around and laughed at every single thing he did. He sat and watched him jump up and down for 5+ minutes. The older boy clearly attempting to elicit laughs from Baby MPB and Baby MPB loving every single second.
As I stood there watching, I felt tears in my eyes. This is why parents have 2 children (or more). This is why people sign up to fight the infertile battle for a second child. I get it, I really do.
The other boys mother eventually said it was time for them to leave. As the mother began getting the younger sibling (maybe 6 months old) ready the older boy begged to stay “please mom, can we stay a few minutes longer? I’m playing with the baby”. The mom said they had to go. The older boy looked devastated as he put on his shoes and Baby MPB he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to his new friend. Baby MPB tried to follow his new friend out of the play area, of course I stopped Baby MPB and so their playtime ended and shortly thereafter Baby MPB I went home for the evening.
Honestly, to see the joy in Baby MPB’s eyes was a double edged sword. Anytime I see him smiling from ear to ear and laughing from the depths of his soul, I cannot help but smile and be thankful for these precious moments. And at the exact same moment, my heart broke, because we just are not in a situation to give him a sibling.
And that, my friends, breaks my heart. Not just for me, but for Baby MPB who will not grow up with a best friend and playmate. I cannot change our reality, at least not right now (and I also know I may never be able to) but my heart longs for another child and probably always will.
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