The Struggle Is Real

I’ve been struggling the last few weeks, I suspect to most that’s obvious.  But what makes the last few weeks noteworthy is that I think I’m struggling more so then I ever have since Baby MPB joined our lives.

I am thankful every single day for my little guy.  He makes me smile.  He makes me see life in a different perspective.  He makes me happy.  He is my everything.

But, I’m still struggling:

  • The childcare stuff has me anxious.
  • The adoption stuff has me preoccupied.
  • The minor home repairs we are doing just isn’t ideal timing, but it all needs to get done.
  • Heck, making time to visit friends has felt stressful not enjoyable, which is so not like me.
  • The fact that almost all of our in-real-life friends have moved away.
  • Work is feeling overwhelming, mainly because I don’t have enough time to actually work.
  • And right now I feel like the in-law visit just put me on the edge of sanity.

I booked the appointment with my counselor because I feel the tension building in side.  I feel myself withdrawing, which is always a sign that I’m struggling.  I know I need to talk about it all, I know talking will help. And then, like everything right now, she cancelled on me due to a severe illness and her assistant isn’t sure how long she is going to be away for.

Rationally, I know I’ll get through this.

Rationally, I know this is just a rough patch.

Practically I feel as though once we find a way to get our lives back under control, I’ll feel better. The crux of the problem is I just don’t know how to get things back under control and I don’t feel like there is an end in sight.

But here’s the thing, when it comes to feeling emotional/overworked/exhausted/overwhelmed, constantly remembering the rational side of everything doesn’t come easy.  At least not for me.

So, while I wait for my counselor to be well enough to return to work, I received a timely and much appreciated reminder that postpartum depression (PPD) also exists for adoptive parents.  I honestly don’t think it’s that bad yet, but I suspect its probably wise for me to be cognizant of the fact that I could experience a form of PPD.

And yet, honestly, this knowledge isn’t particularly helpful in and of itself.  I simply feel that for the time being, I just have to continue to function in survival mode to get through this rough patch.

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18 Comments on “The Struggle Is Real

  1. As I’ve been saying, I’m sorry you’re struggling. At least you are able to recognize your feelings and what they mean, I always find that’s the first step. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since I was a teen, so I understand how you’re feeling. I had started to feel that way a few weeks ago, then realized that I can’t do that to myself right now with this pregnancy because I’m the home to this baby growing right now, and I don’t want to make her live in a hostile environment. So I had to make the decision to just start letting things go. That’s why I stopped stressing and getting angry at work and just started saying/thinking I just don’t care anymore. I’ve not gotten upset with myself when I’ve been unable to do something physically, whether because of pregnancy related things or just time. (I used to make lists and get SOOO angry with myself if I couldn’t get it all done in one day. Yeah, I’m super hard on myself :-/ ) I don’t have a counselor to go talk to (though I probably should look into that) so I have to be my own counselor. And that’s the best thing I could have done for myself. I’ve felt more at peace and at ease overall, and haven’t really felt truly stressed for any period of time like I used to.
    I’m not saying that this is something you’ll be able to do, I’m just saying if you ARE able to do this to some degree, it may help. I truly feel that when you get the nanny thing situated that will help A LOT, because I know that has an effect on so many other aspects of your life. Maybe for the moment cut back on friend visits if they are causing more stress than relief. The adoption stuff will be completed soon-ish I think…at least you have an end in sight. The family stuff…that will always be there, but once other stress goes away, it won’t feel so bad. Please just try to hang in there, and know that you can vent to all of us whenever you want/need to!! I think at least most of us have been there to some degree at some point, and we get it. You can always email me to vent further if you want to! Just know that I’m thinking of you and trying to send good vibes your way. *hugs*

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  2. Whether you pushed out the baby or they cut you open or you adopt one a small baby is stressful. Most marriages suffer the most when there is a new baby around. Which is why the govt sanctions family leave, its simply
    Impossible otherwise. What you are dealing with is a real lot, it is stressful esp since you both are also working full time and strugglinf with childcare. But, if you can just hang on there and think about whats really priority 1 and 2 right now , you might not feel so overwhelmed. I personally feel once you get your nanny stuff sorted out, you will not be soo stressed out. Hang in there hon, and keep talking. Dont bottle it in. hugs.

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  3. I feel for you. This sounds way too familiar to me. :/ I hope you get to talk to your councillor soon and get feeling back to normal again. If you can take some long walks with baby, that always makes me feel a bit better. Wish you didn’t have to work so much! That must be so extra extra hard.

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  4. I really hope that you get some relief soon. Getting back to everyday life after a baby is difficult. I am going through similar struggles with my adoptive placement and work and marriage. Good thing you are seeking out help and support.

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  5. You have a lot going on, struggling is expected You’re handling this all quite well, in my opinion. Going to counseling is always a good idea. Hang in there…. It will get better. It has to, right? That’s what I tell myself, that when things feel awful, that things can only go up from here. 😁

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  6. There are so many things I want to say to you my lovely friend. First of all- it is ok to feel bad and down and overwhelmed. Take a deep breath- don’t try to rationalize it away- just acknowledge it, accept it and realize it will get better even if it doesn’t today. Secondly- I really think everything on your plate right now is all the hard stuff in life that piles up. If there is too much of that and not enough light and ease and beauty and fun it can get really overwhelming. Thirdly- I think that after the dust settles on your massive fight and journey to a baby and the newborn baby phase of just surviving is over you are just now finally able to grieve and deal with what happened. When we at mid fight we can focus on just getting through, when we are right post baby we focus on the blessing and on surviving with baby THEN I think comes the hard part. We realize that parenting isn’t easy and I think that thought can let guilt or sadness creep in because damn shouldn’t we JUST feel lucky all the time? The answer is no. It is hard- you can feel lucky and grateful and still realize it is hard. Finally- I promise you it will get better. You will solve these stressful issues, you will get back in the groove with your husband and you will have a moment maybe standing with your family overlooking a beautiful view or Christmas Eve after you have stuffed stockings and are sipping some wine you will say to yourself ‘ this is what I wanted, this is the life I hoped for’. So much love to you!

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  7. The time period from about 9-ish months to 18-ish months with my twin sons were some of the hardest months I’ve lived through. I felt like I was struggling as a mother, as a wife, as a professional, for a variety of reasons — some similar to your situation, some different.

    Being a parent to a baby or young child introduces an element of complexity to life that can take an adjustment period. Actually, becoming a parent permanently complicates your life (in good and bad ways), but I think you adjust over time.

    Long way of saying: I know what you’re going through; it’s hard; I do think it gets better.

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  8. I am so sorry you are having a rough patch. How inconvenient of your counsellor!! It’s not like you can just pop off to someone else. Ugh So I’ll send hugs. You can get through it, I know you can. You are a strong woman. Don’t forget to see the GP if you feel things are getting to hard.

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  9. I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time. It’s especially hard that you can’t get in to decompress with your therapist. I’m glad PPD is on your radar and you’re in the market for help. You are in my thoughts and I hope you start to feel more like yourself soon. Hugs.

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  10. It seems to be that ‘time of year.’ I don’t know if it has anything to do with the seasons starting to change or just the fact that the devil is always working! I too have been struggling a lot for the last few months. I have even mentioned in my writings that it hasn’t been this bad in a long time, things I thought were long gone have surfaced right back up again, but I know some of it is my own doing because I have slacked on my personal time with Bible study and prayer. Life gets busy and I just made the excuse that I didn’t have time and to be flat out honest, I didn’t want to. I am trying to get back into routine and am listening to KLove throughout the day to lift my spirits. You are not alone in this time of trials for sure, but remember it will get better! Try to slow down momma, these years pass too fast!

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  11. So sorry you are struggling. The fact that you are acknowledging this and know you need to talk it out and do something about it, is great. That is the first step. Perhaps they can refer you to another person to talk to while your lady is out? Just take it one day at a time. It can all be so overwhelming sometimes as a parent!

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  12. I am so sorry you’re struggling. I’m glad you recognize it, as I don’t think most do. I have felt what your feeling and it is so hard. Just today, I had to lock myself in the bathroom for good cry. I hope your counselor gets back soon and you can process though all that’s going on! xoxo

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