The Struggle Is Real
I’ve been struggling the last few weeks, I suspect to most that’s obvious. But what makes the last few weeks noteworthy is that I think I’m struggling more so then I ever have since Baby MPB joined our lives.
I am thankful every single day for my little guy. He makes me smile. He makes me see life in a different perspective. He makes me happy. He is my everything.
But, I’m still struggling:
- The childcare stuff has me anxious.
- The adoption stuff has me preoccupied.
- The minor home repairs we are doing just isn’t ideal timing, but it all needs to get done.
- Heck, making time to visit friends has felt stressful not enjoyable, which is so not like me.
- The fact that almost all of our in-real-life friends have moved away.
- Work is feeling overwhelming, mainly because I don’t have enough time to actually work.
- And right now I feel like the in-law visit just put me on the edge of sanity.
I booked the appointment with my counselor because I feel the tension building in side. I feel myself withdrawing, which is always a sign that I’m struggling. I know I need to talk about it all, I know talking will help. And then, like everything right now, she cancelled on me due to a severe illness and her assistant isn’t sure how long she is going to be away for.
Rationally, I know I’ll get through this.
Rationally, I know this is just a rough patch.
Practically I feel as though once we find a way to get our lives back under control, I’ll feel better. The crux of the problem is I just don’t know how to get things back under control and I don’t feel like there is an end in sight.
But here’s the thing, when it comes to feeling emotional/overworked/exhausted/overwhelmed, constantly remembering the rational side of everything doesn’t come easy. At least not for me.
So, while I wait for my counselor to be well enough to return to work, I received a timely and much appreciated reminder that postpartum depression (PPD) also exists for adoptive parents. I honestly don’t think it’s that bad yet, but I suspect its probably wise for me to be cognizant of the fact that I could experience a form of PPD.
And yet, honestly, this knowledge isn’t particularly helpful in and of itself. I simply feel that for the time being, I just have to continue to function in survival mode to get through this rough patch.
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