The Mamma Bear Inside
I often write about my fears about becoming a mother. I have written about my general cluelessness about babies, my fears of not being the typical mothering personality for our child and my pondering about what kind of mother will I be.
I know I will make mistakes and I think what often shines through is that I’m truly afraid I’ll make mistakes when it matters most.
I’m not perfect, and I know it.
Yet, I also think doubting oneself through significant life stages is completely normal.
In fact, I also think I’d be crazy and stupid to expect myself (or anyone else) to be a perfect infallible mom. The reality is, no such thing exists and I’m not going to be the women who perfects the perfect live-work-mommy balance. Don’t get me wrong, I will try. I just don’t think anyone is going to actually succeed at it.
I anticipate making mistakes.
I expect to struggle.
But the other thing I know, and the thing that probably matters the most, is that I have a Mamma Bear inside of me. And that Mamma Bear, she’s going to rock at being a mom to our future child.
If I’m going to be completely honest, the Mamma Bear growing inside of me, she’s pretty amazing:
She believes doubting ones parenting abilities is natural and beneficial. It will help keep her grounded and help her continue to learn and improve.
She has wonderful and amazing inspiration lighting her way. She aspires to be half the mother her mom was. She has amazing friends who are already showing her the way, both in real life and within the blogging community.
She already will not tolerate uneducated and mean comments regarding adoption. Should this happen, especially in front of her child, watch out as this mamma bear will appear.
She already dreams about having children in her life. She dreams of laughter and tears and memories being made.
She feels incomplete today, and she knows having a family will complete her.
She realizes not all children naturally gravitate to her, but she also knows it will be different with her child. She firmly believes becoming a parent changes everything about a person, and she knows that will happen for her in her own way.
She knows the deep love for her child is already stronger then anything she could ever have expected. She knows without a spec of a doubt that she will love them more deeply then she can even begin to imagine. She knows this love doesn’t come through biology, it comes from the heart and her heart is bursting.
She is fighting with everything in her to welcome a child into her life. It’s like a fire burning with in is keeping her going and persevering. She is invested in becoming a parent and raising a child, and she truly believe that this fight will make her a better mother.
She truly believes she has lived enough to know to appreciate and cherish the simple moments she will have with her child.
She realizes being a mother will not be perfect or easy, but she also knows that it will be amazing. It’s what she’s meant to do with her life.
She knows being a mother is the hardest task if anyone’s life, and she’s up for the challenge.
So, one thing I know for sure is that among all my doubts and my fears, I also have a Mamma Bear living inside of me. I guess the one benefit of our miscarriages and our adoption wait is that all this waiting is incubating the strength of this Mamma Bear. So, watch out world, one day this Mamma Bear is going to arise from hibernation.
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