Wide Awake & In Pain
It’s after 1am. I am wide awake. Once upon a time 1am was early for this girl. 1am probably meant I was at a bar dancing the night away, or snuggling on the couch voluntarily watching a movie.
Somewhere along the way I got old/responsible/lame and 1am became well past my bedtime.
Needless to say, I am now at a point in my life where I typically do not like being wide awake in the middle of the night. In fact, I love sleep, so this is not my idea of a good time.
And what makes matters worse is that in this very moment I am exhausted. My eyes want to close and take me into a deep slumber to a place where my dreams dance in my mind. My eyes want to close and my brain desperately wants to turn off for the night as to wake up refreshed in the morning.
But, that does not seem like it will happen anytime soon. Our latest adventures have rendered me unable to get comfortable for more than 2 minutes at a time.
No, I didn’t do anything to hurt myself in a bad and scary way. I have no broken bones or twisted ankles. Thankfully.
Rather, I just ache from the top of my head to the tip of my toes. You see, our week has involved extensive physical activities.
Last weekend, we attacked our garage with a vengeance and built new shelving and re-organized everything. I had no idea but evidently moving tonnes of wood, holding wood above your head for multiple minutes at a time, playing with power tools, etc. will result the the rediscovery of muscles I had no idea existed in my body. We also spent hours prepping are yard for spring – raking the leaves from last year, mowing the lawn, trimming our trees, etc. And that’s not easy work, at least not for this girl.
Of course we’ve also been continuing on with our fitness resurrection. I am determined to make the best of the spring weather. I am even more determined to make use of my body now that I can again. I am determined to lose some weight and to feel in control of my body again. This week we upped all our weights, so now I am lifting heavier weights then I have lifted in…well, ever actually. And I cannot forget the awesome cycling we’ve been doing now that spring is arriving and it’s warm enough to play outside. The only downside has been the crazy wind has resulted in crazy hard riding. But torrential head winds aren’t stopping us.
All of this means that my body hurts. I just popped two Tylenol in hopes letting my muscles relax enough to find a comfortable way to be for long enough to fall asleep.
And while I’m annoyed at the fact that I’m awake right now, I am also revelling in the fact that my body hurts! Because it’s a good hurt, and it’s been much too long since I’ve felt the good kind of hurt. For me, this hurt means that I am able to use my body again! After nearly three years on the sidelines, so many losses, and feeling as though my body was failing Mr. MPB, failing our babies and failing myself, it is amazing to be able to exhort control over my body again. It’s even more amazing to know that my body CAN do things right.
Honestly, it feels amazing to be at a point where I see my body returning to its old shape and my active lifestyle is resurfacing.
It is amazing to see the baby weight leaving my body. It is both figuratively and literally time for me to stop carrying that weight with every step I take.
And while I may not be able to sleep tonight, I love that I feel physically healthy again.
There is still progress to be made, but tonight while I lay awake watching old TV shows, I will enjoy my rediscovered health, sore body and all.
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