I’ve fallen drastically behind on my award posts, and thought today is a great day to catch up. So, today I’ll share that I was nominated for The Sisterhood of the World Blogging Award by two lovely bloggers.
The rules of this award are rather simple:
- Thank the person who nominated you, and link back to their blog
- Display the award logo on your blog
- Answer the 10 questions given to you
- Nominate 7 blogs, and give them 10 questions of your own
Amy at My Brain’s Escape and VallyAlly at Uncomfortably Optimistic. I have to say, both of these women are amazing and incredibly inspirational in their own way. Right now Amy is actively trying to get pregnant and building a house, so she’s one busy lady! And VallyAlly, she’s on a bit of summer break as she tries to live life while in throws of her infertility journey. Both of these women are amazing supportive and I love both of their blogs. I desperately hope that both of these women have their dreams come true very soon!
First up my questions from Amy:
1. If you could have any occupation, and your pay or benefits weren’t an issue, what would it be?
If I knew the answer to this, I’d be living my dream right now! I’ve spent an entire year trying to figure this out and yet I am nowhere near actually figuring it out. Maybe one day I’ll stumble upon it, but for now I’m just happy working part-time from home.
2. What is your favorite dessert food?
Almost anything made out of chocolate. I love Mr. MPB’s chocolate crepes. He also makes an amazing chocolate mousse.
3. What kind of movies do you prefer to watch?
I’m all about comedies and romantic comedies.
4. When you meet someone new, what is the first thing you usually notice about them?
Eyes and laughter.
5. What’s your most hated household chore?
Cleaning.
6. What would be your ideal vacation?
I love summer, and I love adventure. So, something that has both of those. Right now I’m still dreaming of the day we get to go to Iceland.
7. Do you enjoy receiving flowers and cards, or do you feel it’s a waste of money?
I don’t see the point on cards, but I always enjoy reading the handwritten note inside the card. I really do love flowers. I know the flowers will just end up dying, but they make me smile and I love the bright colours, especially in the winter when we don’t even have green leaves left on our trees outside. So I’ll happily accept flowers from anyone who wants to give them to me.
8. If you have a coworker that you can’t stand, how do you deal with seeing/interacting with them daily?
I work from home and my company consists or me, myself and I. Someday I drive myself crazy, so does that count?
9. Are you close to your parents and siblings?
This is a pretty loaded question. Some-days yes. Some days no. It depends on the current situation and my current tolerance level.
10. Do you have a good sense of design? Meaning: are you able to visualize what you would like your home/room to look like, and able to carry it out? Or are you better off hiring someone to do it for you?
I’m okay at it but Mr. MPB actually has a really good eye for design. If it were my choice everything in our house would be rather simple. However, Mr. MPB is much more adventurous so we have some colourful touches in our house which is rather nice.
VallyAlly’s Questions:
1. What’s the biggest lesson you have learned so far?
You never know what is going on in people’s lives. Don’t make assumptions. Seemingly simple statements can cause so much hurt and anguish for people, and this is so often avoidable if we just think before we speak.
2. Would you rather travel by plane, car, boat or train?
I always fall asleep on long car rides. I’m not a fan of boats, which isn’t a hard thing for me to avoid considering where I live. I do like trains, but train travel in my part of the world is ridiculously expensive so I’ve only ever traveled by train when I was in Europe. As for planes, the actual time on the plane may not be the funnest, but the destination always is! So, if i had to choose, I’d say plane, because I know the end result will be an amazing adventure full of fun times!
3. What’s the one place on earth you have always wanted to visit?
Iceland. Cuba. Italy.
4. What’s your favourite blogging topic?
I write a lot about our losses and our choice to adopt. And I read a lot about others going through infertility and their journeys to their families. But I also really love reading about something out of the ordinary – I think that’s why I always participate in these “awards”, you never know what you are going to learn about someone. Honestly, I’m not sure I have a favourite.
5. What is your dream job?
I wish I knew. I thought after doing some career counselling and quitting my old job I’d figure it out. It turns out, I still don’t know. Maybe one day I’ll stumble upon it.
6. Would you rather be an athlete or a musician?
Neither. Does that count? I’d rather
7. What’s the best time of day?
If we are talking about work, I’m a morning worker. The earlier the better.
If we are talking about non-work, I love the early evenings when it’s light out and I don’t have to work! Usually that’s when we exercise and cook together, so usually that’s when I’m happiest.
8. What do characteristic do you value the most?
Honesty and integrity.
9. Sweet or Savoury?
Sweet. Any day.
10. What’s the one thing you would never do again?
Sky Dive. It was a ton of fun when I did it at 18, but somehow now I just have no interest in throwing myself out of a plane.
My Nominations:
This is always the hardest part. So today, I’m just going to pick the last 7 bloggers who commented on my blog.
My Questions for you:
- Do you prefer a black or a blue pen to write with?
- What type of a computer do yo use?
- Do you enjoy cooking?
- What is your favourite time of year?
- What is the last book you read? Was it good?
- Why do you blog?
- What is a good way to cheer you up on a bad day?
- What is your favourite ice cream flavour?
- If you could go back in time, what would you tell your 15 year old self?
- What is your favourite breakfast food?
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.
I called to book an ultrasound to check the placement of my IUD after my post on Tuesday. I decided I just needed to suck it up and go, regardless of how much I despise ultrasounds.
They told me it would be almost 8 weeks before I could get in! I calmly lost it on the booking agent…ops.
First I tried stating that 8 weeks is not an option for us. But she wouldn’t budge. So I pushed the issue, and forced her to listen to why it mattered so much that I have the ultrasound now. I ended up telling her that we’ve had 5 miscarriages and it is critical that we know that IUD is placed currently as my body cannot go through another pregnancy and subsequent loss. Needless to say she miraculously found me a cancellation appointment les then 48 hours later.
I almost felt guilty, as it I was using our history to get my way. But I got over that twinge of guilt pretty quickly – I needed that ultrasound for my peace of mind. And, I need it now, not in 8 weeks. I’ve learned to advocate for myself and I believe I did just that.
By pure coincidence, I ended up getting my wish and my appointment was at a clinic that I have not been to before. In fact, I actually have to go to a different city for the ultrasound! Perfect in many ways, except one. Mr. MPB could not join me. There was simply no way he could be there. I decided to put my big girl panties on and suck it up because rescheduling really wasn’t an option.
The drive was long enough that I grabbed a bottle of water to drink on the way.
Of course, I should have remembered that I can never drink and hold all the water they require. Needless to say I was rather uncomfortable!
As for the actual scan. I was unsure about if I should tell the tech our history or if I should just sit quietly and get it over it. In the end I decided to say nothing at all. But of course, the tech asked:
Have you had any surgeries? Two D&C’s.
How many times have you been pregnant? Five.
How many live births have you had? Zero.
The zero hung in the air. The tension could have been cut with a knife. Nothing more was said.
Lucky me, today’s ultrasound also included an internal ultrasound, something I had been hoping to avoid. I just assumed once I left the RPL world my dates with the dildo cam would end – I was wrong. I almost laughed when she gave me instructions and asked if I was fin with having an internal ultrasound. Being a smart ass, I couldn’t help but myself and responded with As I said, I’ve had 5 miscarriages. I’ve had this more times in the last few years than most women will ever have in their entire life. I’m like an old pro at this – I’ll be fine. Needless to say, she left me alone after that.
The ultrasound took 45 minutes! I won’t get the results for a few days, probably Monday, but I kind of think something is wrong, simply because I cannot understand why it took 45 minutes. With my last IUD when I had it checked I was in and out in 5 minutes. Ironically enough as I laid there thinking, knowing the tech wouldn’t answer any questions, I decided that so long as I’m not pregnant I’m not worried. The worst outcome in my mind wasn’t an out of place IUD which would require surgery. It wasn’t a cyst. It wasn’t any other possible, but highly unlikely finding like an out of place growth. The worst possible outcome for me, right now, is the idea of being pregnant. And with that realization, it became real to me – I’m done and I’m okay with being done.
On my long drive home surprisingly no tears were shed. I had time to think, and I think I did.
I realized that while the ultrasound wasn’t my idea of a fun moment, I did get through it. I’m sure at some point in my life I will have another ultrasound, and now at least I won’t be so afraid of it. It’s like I’ve pulled the Band-Aid off. I’ve faced that fear. I’ve overcome that hurdle. So, I feel like next time will be that much easier.
More importantly I also realized that no matter what, I will always have the memories of hearing that our baby is dying. I will always have the memories of hearing fetal heart rates that were just too low. I will always remember seeing a dying heartbeat flicking on the screen. I will always have the memories of being told our baby is dead. These memories are always going to be with me. And rather than cower and hide from these emotions, I need to find a way to remember the good stuff too, so the moments of darkness aren’t quite as bleak.
In the end, I survived. I survived the ultrasound. And more importantly I’ve survived the loss of our little babies. In fact, we’ve survived. We’ve weathered this storm fairly well and will come out stronger in many ways, and more resilient.
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.
My Perfect Breakdown 