Sometimes I’m convinced that the world is conspiring against me and my reproductive organs. Imagine, yet again, my body will not cooperate and do what it should do. I’m shocked (insert sarcasm here).
I know, cry me a river, right? It’s the ongoing saga of our lives. I don’t mean to complain, I know it could be worse, but some days it’s just annoying.
I saw my amazing family doctor earlier this week. I adore him. I am pretty darn adamant that I would not have survived the last few years of my life without him, and his entire team including my counsellor.
I saw him because I’m still have some issues with the IUD I had put in back in January and my thyroid has been playing havoc with me for the last few months.
My thyroid has been playing games the last few months. First my TSH went from 4.5mIU/L to 2.2mIU/L with crazy side effects including anxiety and insomnia. Then with another dose change it jumped to 9.0mIU/L in the span of a few months. My thyroid has never done this before – I’ve always been in the 3’s, even through multiple miscarriages. I had yet another dose change and a blood test recently and wanted to follow up. It turns out with my new dose I am back in the perfect range! Now, hopefully my thyroid goes back to being something I do not worry about at all.
As for my Mirena IUD, it usually takes a few months to settle in and for your body to adjust to it. It’s now been 5 months and my period is not what it was last time I was on it. Last time I was on it I spotted lightly for a few days a month and that was it (I was never one of the lucky ones whose period stops entirely). This time, I’m spotting/bleeding for 10-14 days at a time. Clearly not ideal, but it can be common in the first few months. Yet, I hit my limit and wanted to discuss things with my doctor.
So, discuss we did.
There is a good chance my wonky thyroid was playing havoc with my bleeding. He hopes that now that my thyroid is back to normal, my cycle will smarten up.
BUT (yes, there is a but. Actually there are two of them).
First, he wants me to have an ultrasound done to confirm the location of the IUD. If it’s slightly out of position it could be causing the irregular bleeding. So, off to get an ultrasound. So, now I’m completely anxious and worked up about the idea of having another ultrasound. Honestly, having had 5 losses and countless exploratory tests, I’ve had probably 50+ ultrasounds. Of that, I’ve only ever had 1 good ultrasound with one healthy little baby, and even that one died a few short weeks later. The last ultrasound I had was with Dr. Braverman in NYC, and we were told about my reverse blood flow which ultimately resulted in our decision to stop trying (hence the IUD).
I put on my brave face talking to my family doctor because I know I need the actual ultrasound and I know it makes sense. But, all of this other stuff, my history, means that I’m petrified of going back in for another ultrasound. Petrified might just be an understatement! I plan to book with an ultrasound clinic that I have not been to before, even if it means driving for 3 hours to get there. I know the rooms will all generally look the same, but at least I won’t have to walk back into a building where I was told my baby is dying – I would like to avoid reliving as much of this as possible. I might even drag Mr. MPB to hold my hand – how lame is that? But, I just don’t know how well I will handle having another ultrasound, I have tears in my eyes just thinking about it. Oh, the poor tech who thinks she is just doing another routine ultrasound…instead she’s going to get a crying crazy lady with massive baggage.
But of course, the conversation didn’t end here. We also had to discuss our birth control options if my body doesn’t start to adjust better because I’m not willing to bleed slowly for a few weeks a month – just not going to happen. And secondly, we need the best birth control available our chances of getting pregnant are very good, in-fact they are excellent. The plan is to prevent that at all costs. Needless to say we started talking tubal ligation and vasectomies. Yup, that is our next best option. Yet, I’m not ready to go there. Mr. MPB is more willing to, in fact he has suggested it on more than one occasion. But, I am not ready. As I said to my doctor, what if we do want to try again in a few years? Adoption is bloody expensive, I’m not sure we can afford to do this more than once and we’ve always dreamed of having to children. I know realistically the chances of that are low, but what if? Heck, what if I die and Mr. MPB falls in love with someone else and they want to try having children (I know, morbid thinking), I cannot take that away from him. Needless to say, my doctor didn’t push the issue, he understood what I was saying (honestly, he’s such an amazing doctor).
So the plan right now is to get the ultrasound, and assuming it’s positioned correctly we will wait a few more months and see what my body does now that my thyroid is back to normal. If I get lucky, my body will cooperate with science. If I don’t get lucky, we will look at other options.
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