Recently we were talking with our potential birth mom about the fact that she expects to be induced around 39 weeks (of course, assuming baby doesn’t arrive sooner).
First, she asked if it was okay with us if she is induced. Which, so far as I’m concerned as nothing to do with us, but everything to do with her. We have no influence on how or when she delivers. That’s a decision between her and her doctors. And we respect that, fully.
Second, she offered to let us pick the birthday, should we have a day we prefer. She’s already fully let us name baby MPB and now she’s offering to let us pick the birthday too! Mr. MPB and I both laughed and smiled, because what else can we do in such a situation?
At this point, both Mr. MPB and I feel that any day that results in a living child in our arms is the perfect birthday!!
With 100% certainty, I can say that I do not care when baby arrives. We are just so excited about the potential having a living child in our arms to care for and love for the rest of time. Simply, that’s all that matters.
And so, we will not pick a birthday. And while we now know the exact potential birthdate*, we will love any date that happens to be our child’s birthday. And for the rest of our lives we will celebrate Baby MPB’s birthday as the best day of the year!
* Where I live there are some wonky rules/laws about sharing international adoption details/information online during the adoption process. So, while I blog anonymous, this is something I simply cannot risk. Which means for now I will not be sharing the birth date.
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We’ve been texting almost daily with our birth mom. She has my cell phone number so I’m the one who sees and responds to most of her texts. As we get to know each other, she’s quickly creating a special spot in my heart reserved just for her.
I look forward to her texts. I enjoy hearing about how baby is doing. And I also like knowing that she is also doing well.
But, I’ve also realized that I really don’t like our texts. I’m always worried about saying the right thing. But of course, there is no right thing and no handbook for what to say to a birth mom who is carrying the child you hope to call your own. But, I still worry. Of course I do, I worry about everything.
In addition, I think it’s safe to say I hate our texting mostly because if she doesn’t respond I worry. Like seriously worry.
- Is baby okay?
- Does she no longer like us? Has she changed her mind?
- Maybe she’s going into early labour and she’s decided not to tell us so we won’t be able to raise Baby MPB.
- Did I say something wrong in my last text? What if I said something wrong?
Rationally, I know these are all possibilities. But so is the fact that maybe she’s in the shower and didn’t see my text. Or maybe she’s out with a friend and didn’t see my text. Or maybe, she just didn’t feel like responding right away because she’s doing any of a million other things that have nothing to do with me/us.
I have to say, I’m really glad we are building a relationship with her. She seems very sweet, loving and kind. But honestly, I hate this part of the adoption process. My mind and my heart are set on this little baby, and knowing every day that baby is out there literally across the continent and I cannot do anything is driving me crazy. This is by far the worst waiting so far. And, knowing our child is out there growing stronger every day is hard to celebrate when we know that there is a real possibility we won’t bring baby home with us. So much can change in an instant and we just don’t know because ultimately the decision to parent this little baby is not ours.
I keep trying to stay hopeful. I keep trying to focus on the positives. I keep trying, but I cannot lie, some days are hard.
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My Perfect Breakdown 