The Most Terrifying Conversation of My Life

  Posted on January 7, 2016 By

 49 Comments

We spoke to the birth mom. We had a conversation.

My anxiety going into the conversation was higher then I think it’s ever been in my life! And that’s not an exaggeration. Seriously.

What does one say to someone who plans to give you the gift of becoming the mother you’ve only dreamed to be? What do you say to someone who intends to go into the hospital with a baby and leave with empty arms?  How does one fully and appropriately acknowledge the incredible magnitude of adoption?

Well, evidently we talk about the weather! We also talked about favourite colours and foods.

Then we talked about why she chose us. And the irony of the entire thing is that she chose us (in part) because of the photo of our nursery. Taking that photo meant we had to buy a crib and do a few things that we simply weren’t ready to. Above the crib hangs a custom piece of art work that was the first thing we ever bought for a child, and she loved that piece of art. But, I cannot help but laugh at the irony that we truly hated every second of preparing for that photo. And, it turns out, that was a critical piece of her decision. It’s funny how life works sometimes.

Then we talked about the possibility of a pre-baby visit (which is still to be determined).

We discussed how she is feeling and about upcoming ultrasounds and doctor appointments. She promised us updates after each appointment.

We talked about baby’s sex.  And the health of her and the baby (which are both great).

We also talked about names. In the last few months I’ve had a lot of anxiety about naming our adopted child, because it’s often not as straight forward as naming a biological child.  She adamently wants us to name the baby. We told her what we are thinking, including the fact that we want the baby’s middle name to be part of her name.  It works perfectly, sounds great and is just a nice name.  She was touched that we wanted include part of her name, almost at a loss for words. For us, it just made sense that our child share part of their name with their birth mother. And, to make it even more amazing, she loves our first choice for babies first name.  Absolutely loves it.  I had tears of joy as we talked about names.  Honestly, in this conversation, somehow I just felt like our match is perfect.

She is a very nice women who I am excited and honoured to bring into our lives. I firmly believe that we will always have some sort of connection with her and so I’m glad our first conversation with her was so positive.

In the end it wasn’t a terrifying phone call. To begin with it was nerve wracking, but we all settled into a nice pace and the call went well.

In fact, the phone call just felt right.

We still have a long way to go to bringing baby home with us. There are a lot of uncertainties, and absolutely no guarantees. But, today I am trying to push away the fears to focus on the hope and the excitement that I was feeling just the other day.

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 Category: Adoption      Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

49 Comments on “The Most Terrifying Conversation of My Life”

  1. I’m so glad the first call went so well. Was it just the 3 of you on the call, or were there lawyers or someone else on with you? I can’t even imagine how stressful that would have been…I’m sure if it was me, my voice would have been shaking and I would have been fighting nausea the whole time lol! I’m also happy that you feel like you’ll be able to stay connected with her, because I know that’s what you want for the baby. 🙂

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  2. Thrilled to hear that these early moments are going so well! I can’t imagine all you must be going through but I am staying so positive over here for you guys, this all sounds meant to be! Thinking of you every single day.

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  3. Awesome! That’s amazing that you got a sense of rightness about the match just from talking to her. I can not imagine how nervous you must’ve been going into it!

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  5. This is just so absolutely incredible. I have been hoping for this for you daily for months now. It must be so amazing to hear about why she picked you and who knew it would be something like that. I just can’t imagine. I think I would have thrown up from the nerves, good job pushing through. I am so so glad someone was finally smart enough to pick you guys, sounds like a perfect fit. So so so happy for you.

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  8. Oh my goodness, I’m so happy for you that this call went so well and felt so right! I can’t even imagine how nervous you must have been, and figuring out what to say… yikes! It’s so funny that they chose you because of the nursery pictures — but hey, whatever it takes to find your way to the baby that is meant for you! I have so many questions, but I know you’re incredibly busy so don’t feel like you need to answer them… when is the baby due? Did you talk about why she wants to put him up for adoption? (Maybe that’s too personal a question… not sure of the etiquette here!) What part of the country are they in? I’m so excited for you and can’t wait to hear that you’ve finally brought your little one home!

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  12. How great! I’m so glad the conversation went well. I would have been a wreck right before too. I think it’s wonderful how you are trying to include her in the name, and I’m sure it was very reassuring to her. So did you guys Skype, or was it a more traditional phone call? Have you seen her picture or are you still in the dark with that? I’m curious!

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  13. This post brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for your family, and I am so happy she found you. It sounds like a beautiful match.

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  14. YOU are a birth moms dream, I have to imagine. How thoughtful of you to name this baby after her – that is very special. I know you think it’s sort of a given, but it’s not. You gave her a gift. ❤

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  18. My aunt has an adopted daughter who has been with her since birth. My aunt and the birth mother, and eventually the daughter, stayed connected with Christmas, birthday, and other greetings. The daughter (my cousin) got married last year, and the birth mother was able to attend from many states away with her two bio children. It was so great to see them have that connection, even though she’d grown up thousands of miles away. I hope this is in your future too 🙂

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  19. Got chills reading your post and thinking about what it must have been like to have those conversations. So glad you were at ease and that it went well. You just keep checking off those boxes and hopefully your son will be in your arms!

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  22. Soooo excited for you! That’s very sweet and special that you’ll include her name – both for her own and your child’s benefit. This sounds like a great match for you. This is really your year! Xx

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  25. This makes my heart happy. You are such a lovely person. I’m sure that birth mother is counting her blessings right now. I hope that conversation filled you ALL with hope.

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  33. I’m so happy to hear this and that despite the initial nervousness ( or being terrified), it went well and just felt right. I just can’t express how happy I am for you guys!!! 🙂

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  35. I cry every time I read an update from you. I am just so happy for you and so glad that everything is working out so seamlessly. I wish that we knew more details like state and all that, but I am just so happy for you

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  36. So wonderful that the call went great. I am so glad that things are progressing for you and your hubby. It’s so great to read something so positive. I hope it is smooth sailing here on out for you. xo

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  38. I can’t imagine how terrifying it must have been to have this call, it’s so wonderful that it ended up going so well. You are amazing for choosing the BM’s name as a middle name, such a beautiful thing! I love that it was the art piece in the nursery that guided her to you 🙂 Love this post!!

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  40. I’m so glad the call went well. Your posts keep making me tear up lately because I am SO happy for you. I hope the rest of the adoption goes smoothly and that you’ll be bringing your baby home very soon!

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  41. I cannot even imagine what it must be like to speak to a woman who is having a baby for you… it must be a very emotional and nerve-wracking thing to do. I am so glad it went well. And how funny that she chose you from something that you both found so hard to do. Almost like the universe being kind to you after putting you through hell. Sometimes I wonder if everything we go through isn’t some kind of test of our spirit and resilience. I hope things continue to progress without any issues. I am both excited and terrified for you, going through this process!! X

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  42. That’s awesome…I get being excited and terrified at once. We were always told that people are chosen for the most interesting things…I’m glad the picture of your nursery was one of them! I’m so excited for you and all that lies ahead.

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  43. I am so happy for you! This is just so fantastic…. It occurred to me that while the birth mother’s reasons for picking you might be slightly arbitrary, I bet other people’s reasons for not picking you previously were also similarly arbitrary (but the impact so hurtful) so I hope it gives you some retrospective comfort on that issue which was causing you pain for so long…. Aaaanyway huge congratulations again, I’m so glad this is happening for you xx

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  45. I am fascinated and am in tears of happiness for you! Literal tears running down my face. The naming and the perfection of the connection is truly touching. I am so insanely happy for you!!!!

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  48. Who would have thought that the nursery would have changed everything?! Both for you (realizing that you are gonna get a baby, and struggling with those feelings at the beginning, but slowly and surely coming to terms with what could potentially happen for you both, and the birth mother, knowing that this child is going home with two loving parents that have Been waiting and preparing for a long time!). That must have been an incredible feeling at the end of the conversation…so very happy for you friend

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  49. I love the fact that she loved the nursery and you didn’t liked it putting everything together. I remembered that I frowed at the fact that you had to go out and buy all that stuff even when there was not a 100% chance at getting matched. Good luck with the adoption!! sending all my positive thoughts to you!

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