An Untimely Reminder of What Can Go Wrong
Yesterday morning, about 30 minutes before our call with our birth mother, we got a message from friends. The timing could not have been worse. Instead of going into the phone call excited, we went in nervous.
They are also adopting. They had a match. In fact, the baby was born and they had begun parenting.
But then, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Evidently the agency didn’t show up to get consents signed. The documents weren’t processed correctly. The legal team and the social workers were not communicating. The extreme struggle she went through sounds exceptionally bad. In fact, it sounds worse than my worst nightmares
Ultimately, the birth parent changed their minds after a few days. They are now dealing with a failed adoption.
I cannot speak for my friends, but I think I can confidently say it sounds absolutely horrible for everyone involved.
In the end, regardless of whatever exactly happened all I know is that my friend had a baby and now she doesn’t. She is heartbroken. From my perspective as another waiting adoptive parent, I appreciate her heartbreak, even if I cannot truly understand it as I have not actually been in her shoes. (Note, that I also fully respect the birth parent’s right to change their mind, but that’s not the focus of today’s post).
A failed match has been one of our biggest fears, but now thanks to our friend’s experience we have another one: Incompetent people running our adoption.
I am incredibly worried. We are trusting the exact same people to process our adoption and it sounds like between everyone involved they cannot put 2 and 2 together. This all seems like a bit too much. I’m afraid for what this will mean to our adoption. Or rather, I’m petrified.
When we travel for our child, we will not be in control. No matter how hard we try, these people are. And if they don’t know how to be competent, then we are kind of screwed!
And yet, I have to remind myself that our adoption is different. We have a different birth mom. We have different state laws. We are different people. Our situations are truly different.
But, whenever I think about the agency involved, there’s an old saying that I just cannot push out of my mind.
Past performance is generally the best predictor of future behaviour.
I’m scared and I’m worried. And I also know that this is completely out of my hands and I have to find a way to let it go and not eat my alive for the next little while.
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.