We started trying when I was 29. In my naive mind that meant we’d have our first child while I was 30 and our second (and final) by the time I was 32. Unless of course we got twins on the first try.
Instead, none of that happened.
30 was marked by an emergency D&C.
31 was marked by the start of a 29 day long miscarriage and turned out to be my last day of work with a large corporation.
32 was marked by a quiet celebration of the fact that there was no way I could lose another baby for my birthday.
And so, by the time I turned 32 we were on our 4th miscarriage. My birthday became a reminder of the world’s worst laid plan, the heartache we were living and time slipping by as our biological clocks ticked louder by the day.
.
But this year, everything was meant to be different. I had big expectations – sleeping in as Mr. MPB tended to Baby MPB, a day as a family and hopefully one of Mr. MPB’s amazing birthday meals.
Well, of course, reality didn’t meet expectations. I ended up awake and feeding Baby MPB bright and early while Mr. MPB slept in. Honestly, I was less then impressed. I tried to put aside my annoyance as we took Baby MPB to the zoo for the first time and ran a few errands. It worked for a short while. But, I’m not so good at staying silent and eventually I had to say my piece. Well, needless to say, if I wanted a good birthday I should have kept my mouth shut and just pretended I wasn’t annoyed. We had an epic afternoon argument which resulted in me taking the dog for a walk while Mr. MPB took Baby MPB to do a few more errands. Mr. MPB did make a very nice dinner to end the day, which we barely spoke through. And he did give me the most amazing and thoughtful gift which will actually get an entire post dedicated to it.
Needless to say, my birthday was not what I expected. I hate arguing with Mr. MPB more then anything else in the world. And, arguing on my birthday just sucked. And arguing over something as stupid as sleeping in was just plain stupid. But, you know what? Being chronically tired is hard, and stupid fights are probably bound to happen.
And, there was one thing that made this birthday the best ever – Baby MPB. Seriously, how could I not smile as I snuggled him and played with him? How could I not enjoy taking him to the zoo for the very first time (even though he slept through the entire thing). All I’ve wanted for so long is to share my life with Mr. MPB and our child, and this year I did just that. And next year, I’ll do the exact same thing. And the year after that too. And that realization is simply amazing and is the best gift.
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I’ve had a few people ask me about day to day life with Baby MPB. I didn’t write about it while we were away because honestly, day-to-day life in a hotel without a kitchen and laundry while under the direct control of our agency meant that life simply wasn’t normal.
But, now that we are settling in at home I’ve started to think more about what parenting has really been like.
Truthfully, the first thing that comes to mind isn’t that it’s amazing or awesome, which of course it is and I’m determined to never take a moment for granted.
What actually comes to mind is that it’s nothing like I expected. Everyone told me parenting is full of surprises. Well, as a first time mom, let me tell you, they were right!! Every day (and night) is like a new little adventure.
Here are things I am doing/have done since our son was born.
- I smell his bum. And I do so on a very regular basis.
- I poke my him when he sleeps. If he does not move, I poke again, and harder. From what I’m told many people just watch to make sure a babies chest is rising to ensure they are breathing – that isn’t a good enough strategy in the MPB household.
- There are about 10 thousand different ways to burp a baby. None seem to work well for him so cheer him on when he burps. The louder and bigger the burp, the better. (Truth be told, I also cheer him on for pooing too).
- Formula feeding is frustrating because no-one seems to be able to answer any sort of question or provide any decent information other then breast is best.
- I nearly cry when he cries and I cannot solve the problem. In fact, I get so upset that I’ve had to hand him to Mr. MPB. I cannot bare the idea of him suffering, it breaks my heart.
- I record everything! When he eats, how much he eats, how long he eats for, when we change his diaper, what is in his diaper, etc. Thank goodness for modern technology and apps that make this stuff relatively simple to track.
- People visit all the time. Which is awesome, I’m so excited for Baby MPB to meet his circle of family and friends and to be showered with so much love. But, everyone has an opinion on everything. I’m mastering the smile and nod, but sometimes the odd eye roll just cannot be helped.
- After reading about pregnancy and it never working out for us, I decided to boycott all parenting books. I’ve quickly realized that just like everyone having an opinion, so does every author. Do not wonder into the parenting book section at your local book store. It’s overwhelming. And I quickly realized that I might just be the most unprepared mother ever.
- I am too afraid to switch to powdered formula – what if I mix it wrong and kill him?! So, he’s still on the expensive pre-made formula and will probably stay on it for the foreseeable future.
- Working and parenting an infant is hard. Both Mr. MPB and I are working nearly full time now that we are home (and we even worked a bit remotely while in the USA). It means we working at all hours of the day so that one of us is with Baby MPB while the other works. It’s probably the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I’m guilt ridden and exhausted.
- I love baby snuggles! I simply cannot get enough.
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