Birthday

We started trying when I was 29.  In my naive mind that meant we’d have our first child while I was 30 and our second (and final) by the time I was 32.  Unless of course we got twins on the first try.

Instead, none of that happened.

30 was marked by an emergency D&C.

31 was marked by the start of a 29 day long miscarriage and turned out to be my last day of work with a large corporation.

32 was marked by a quiet celebration of the fact that there was no way I could lose another baby for my birthday.

And so, by the time I turned 32 we were on our 4th miscarriage.  My birthday became a reminder of the world’s worst laid plan, the heartache we were living and time slipping by as our biological clocks ticked louder by the day.

.

But this year, everything was meant to be different.  I had big expectations – sleeping in as Mr. MPB tended to Baby MPB, a day as a family and hopefully one of Mr. MPB’s amazing birthday meals.

Well, of course, reality didn’t meet expectations.  I ended up awake and feeding Baby MPB bright and early while Mr. MPB slept in.  Honestly, I was less then impressed. I tried to put aside my annoyance as we took Baby MPB to the zoo for the first time and ran a few errands.  It worked for a short while.  But, I’m not so good at staying silent and eventually I had to say my piece.  Well, needless to say, if I wanted a good birthday I should have kept my mouth shut and just pretended I wasn’t annoyed.  We had an epic afternoon argument which resulted in me taking the dog for a walk while Mr. MPB took Baby MPB to do a few more errands.  Mr. MPB did make a very nice dinner to end the day, which we barely spoke through. And he did give me the most amazing and thoughtful gift which will actually get an entire post dedicated to it.

Needless to say, my birthday was not what I expected.  I hate arguing with Mr. MPB more then anything else in the world.  And, arguing on my birthday just sucked. And arguing over something as stupid as sleeping in was just plain stupid.  But, you know what? Being chronically tired is hard, and stupid fights are probably bound to happen.
And, there was one thing that made this birthday the best ever – Baby MPB.  Seriously, how could I not smile as I snuggled him and played with him?  How could I not enjoy taking him to the zoo for the very first time (even though he slept through the entire thing).  All I’ve wanted for so long is to share my life with Mr. MPB and our child, and this year I did just that.  And next year, I’ll do the exact same thing.  And the year after that too. And that realization is simply amazing and is the best gift.

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37 Comments on “Birthday

  1. Happy Birthday, MPB!!! I forgot that our Birthdays are so close together. 🙂 I’m sorry you and Mr. fought though. That sucks but I am so glad that you were home and home with Baby MPB for your birthday this year…what a fantastic gift, for sure! If it makes you feel any better, every year, my birthday weekend involves J playing in his alumni basketball game and usually at least one other basketball game throughout the weekend. I told him this morning that I’m changing my birthday to May, lol. Love you, Friend!

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  2. I’m sorry you didn’t have the best birthday. It definitely sucks fighting with our hubbies, especially on special days and over stupid things. (We got in a huge argument over an open window last week.) I’m glad you got to spend it with baby MPB though. That’s the most important thing! Maybe Mr will make it up to you and give you another special day soon 🙂

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  3. Happy birthday! And I hate to say it, but the arguments will likely continue. Sleep deprivation does some crazy stuff to a couple! But eventually you’ll be sleeping more and end up more patient with Mr. Once again, happy happy birthday, my friend!!

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  4. Happy birthday to you, my friend! I hope this coming year is your best one yet!

    Most of my coupled parent friends had many squabbles with their partners in that first year of parenthood. I think that’s totally normal – sleep deprivation is a bitch!

    All the best to you, MPB!

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  5. Oh I hate fights on birthdays. We’ve had a few of those. No fun. But yes! You have Baby MPB now! So happy that you got to snuggle with him on your birthday. Happy birthday!

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  6. Aw, as a fellow new parent in the sleep-deprived trenches, I have nothing but sympathy. Sleep deprivation sucks, makes us cranky, and makes me want to score-keep with my husband in a way I’ve never done before. And not to take sides, but… it seems to me that one of the main benefits of bottle feeding is that it removes the gender inequality and lets you share the joys/pains of nighttime feedings with your partner, including giving each other a break every so often, like for your birthday! It’s been hard for me not to resent my husband snoozing away next to me while I breastfeed our son at 3am, and that’s knowing full well that he biologically CAN’T share fully in this particular responsibility. If I were in your shoes, I’d be a little resentful too. That said, in the end it’s a small thing, and hopefully you both can move past it. Looking forward to the post about his sweet birthday gift! 🙂

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  7. Fights on birthdays suck! When your birthday starts off on the wrong foot, you’re feeling annoyed AND feeling guilty for being annoyed. Happy birthday! Today is a fresh new day, and you’re starting on a completely new slate – your first year as three – it’s bound to be an exhausting but amazing year! Don’t be too hard on yourselves. New parents squabble. It comes with the territory. Xx

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  8. Happy Birthday!! I am so glad you have baby MPB from here on out. Sorry you couldn’t sleep in- I can see why that would upset you. I am excited for the next phase of more sleep and feeling normal. It is coming soon and will change everything. Xo

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  9. Happy birthday! Sorry it did not go to plan, they say most days don’t when you have a baby. Certainly you can mark this down to that precious thing that is sleep. Lots of wise words from the ladies above, I can relate to the looking ahead to birthdays in the hope that by the next one I will have a baby in arms though. Your best birthday gift came early this year in Baby MPB and like you said so many more wonderful ones to look forwar to as a family. xo

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  10. Happy birthday!!! Sorry it wasn’t perfect (but what bday is, right?). Hope things are going well with your family.

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  11. I hate fights on special days. They suck. But they happen. Pre-plan for next year to ensure it is tge best birthday ever! Glad you have baby MPB to make it extra special. Sleep deprivation sucks! I am sure you guys are doing the best you can 🙂

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  12. First, happy birthday! I do get what shitty birthdays are like. My 30th (I’m 42 now) I looked at my then-husband and thought in my head “there’s no way I’m going to be married to this guy by year end” – and turns out I was right, as I filed 10 months later. This year my wonderful awesome husband I’m now married to, who himself could live his whole life without birthdays (while I consider mine a national holiday), effed up a bit on the gift and was pretty lazy about it all and we got in a fight too – even though he did make up for it tenfold. Amazing how birthdays get under our skin, but ultimately like you said, you have so much to be thankful for this birthday! Here’s to the start of a wonderful year as a mama!

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  13. Happy birthday! I am sorry the day did not turn out as planned. But you are absolutely right sleep deprivation leads to a lot of things including arguing with your spouse. Good for you guys though continuing to get out with the baby and wow… A trip to the zoo! Awesome!!

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  14. Happy Birthday! I’m sorry it wasn’t exactly as you wanted. I remember my first birthday as a mum and it sucked as my baby screamed almost all day. It was so stressful! New babies are hard on everyone so hang in there. I know you and Mr MPB have a great love and will get through these early stages with that in tact X

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  15. Happy birthday!
    You have been so much, you both are both emotionally and physically exhausted. Through the joy is also strain. I’m sorry this all came to fruition on your special day. It does sound like your special gift helped to ease the disappointment over the silly fighting – I look forward to reading about this mystery present 🙂

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  16. Happy birthday!

    Sleep deprivation is a very real thing, and it does cause the dumbest fights between couples. Bryson is waking up too early, and sometimes in the night, and we are both EXHAUSTED. Once you start sleeping, your body gets really mad when there’s an interruption in your sleep. We’ve been doing this for 3 weeks now, not long enough for our bodies to be used to it (I hate saying it, but your body will get used to no sleep) and I was on a rampage this morning. Brian looked at me and asked, “what are you doing? Are you trying to ruin all of our days? You yelled at the boys, you’re snapping at me, what is the deal?” My response? “I’m just so damn tired of being tired.”

    Sure, it was a stupid fight that you and Mr. MPB had, but it’s reality and we all have them. And you should have slept in on your birthday. You will not hear me defend the non-birthday spouse letting the birthday spouse get up early with kids. No no!

    Tomorrow will be better! And yes, having Baby MPB can make any shitty day feel really great … right now. The novelty will wear off. HA! But for now, enjoy the quick, shitty-day-fix that is your baby. 😉

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  17. Happy birthday!!! But sleep arguments are NOT stupid… Ok they kind of are but they are totally understandable!! Like you said the best thing you can (both) do is try not to score keep. When I heard myself saying to my husband “I know I can get more hours of sleep than you because I’m home all day but the QUALITY of my sleep is always terrible”… Lol… That was my “a-ha” moment. Yes, my husband sleeps like a rock while I co-sleep with half my body numb all night holding the baby… But he gets less hours… And it all comes out in the wash… Eventually…

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  18. Happy birthday!!

    Don’t feel bad about needing to vent, you’re exhausted. You have a new baby and if you’re anything like me (and most other people) you only feel safe expressing frustration when it’s safe – after the wild ride you guys have been on I imagine there’s some pent up emotion that needs to come out!

    Can’t wait to reassure about the prezzie!

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  19. Happy belated birthday friend!!! I’m just trying to help extend your celebration😉🎉🎂

    I’m sorry it was rough–I hate fighting with my Mr. Wonderful too:( Kids can throw a kink in any plans you make, and y’all are still trying to figure out how to be as parents together–it’s a steep learning curve lol! Twelve years later and I’m still learning every day….

    So glad you were able to celebrate that you have this precious little one! Hope you are able to continue celebrating your birthday all week, blessings!!!

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  20. Ha.. the timeline int he first paragraph is remarkably similar to the timeline I had in my head when we started trying for a child (except adding a year, because we didn’t start until I was 30.) The best laid plans, amiright?
    Anyway, happy belated. I’m sorry you and Mr. MPB had an argument! But happy you had Baby MPB to celebrate with you this year.

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  21. I’m late but happy birthday! Today I am catching up on fellow bloggers and I look forward to reading how things have been going. Your blog has always been a source of inspiration and strength to me. Thank you for sharing your story!

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  22. Wishing you the happiest of birthdays. I’m certain this year will be remarkable even if a sense of over tiredness brought you some sorrow on your actual day. We’ve all been there (last night for us in fact). The arguments sometimes come quicker than we’d like to admit when there’s a baby and sleep deprived parents in the mix.

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  23. Happy birthday to you! (It’s like the song “I went to the zoo…”!) I hope that you got over the argument – probably happens a lot when you’re sleep deprived! Sending you birthday hugs! X

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    • Yup over the argument, but I’m positive there absolutely will be more of them! It turns out when the MPB’s don’t sleep much, we are way more grouchy then normal.
      Thanks for the birthday hugs! ☺

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      • Haha. Aren’t we all. You know what that means? You’re normal. NORMAL! Pretty awesome to be your normal grouchy selves, eh?! 😉

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