Once again we find ourselves transitioning from one nanny to another.
When we hired our last nanny she made it clear she could only work for us through the summer. We hired her knowing this as she was leaps and bound better then any of the other potentially long-term nannies we interviewed.
We’ve found someone new. She’s has an excellent experience, great references, advanced first aid, loves big dogs, etc. She seems to fit the bill, but of course we wont really know until she starts.
Our current nanny’s last day was determined by her – we asked when she was done and since she was so great we made sure the new person would start once she was done. Anyways, next week is the big transition week – one nanny leaves and a new one starts.
But as with all of the best laid plans….
The same old story is happening again – she was great, until she wasn’t. Can you say Déjà vu? She’s been awesome with Baby MPB all summer, but now she’s flaking. She just tole me she cannot come the rest of this week, which means we have two standard work days that are now going to be rather stressful as we try to meet our work deadlines and be the parents our son deserves. Oh, and clearly I’m now questioning if she’ll show up for her last day next week.
What frustrates me is that we timed this all around her schedule – if she had told us she couldn’t work 2 days this week, the new nanny could have started this week, in fact she really wanted to and we said no (and she’s now unavailable at the last minute).
And you know, as much as that frustrates me, what truly infuriates me more then anything is that this is the second time a nanny has done this to us! Seriously, don’t people take their commitments seriously anymore?
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Yesterday I briefly touched on some of the questions I’m often asked. But, I intentionally left one out, because I think it deserve an entire post of it’s own.
When Will You Tell Him He’s Adopted?
This question is a new question for me. It’s just been asked on two occasions both in the last two weeks.
Each time, it’s surprised me. In fact, I’ve fumbled with my answer because to me it is so blatantly obvious – we talk about it with him in the room, so clearly he already knows. Obviously as a baby he doesn’t have the cognitive ability to understand. But, his adoption is common knowledge to everyone in our lives, so it’s not something we could hide from him even if we wanted (which we don’t).
There is no secrete. And there never will be.
Baby MPB should never have a moment in his life when he wakes up and learns that he’s adopted, rather he should just grow up knowing that this is part of his personal narrative. Yes, when he asks how babies come from and then asks if he grew in my tummy, we may have to explain things a bit more then other more traditional families. But, we’ll just explain it exactly as it is.
Honestly, we don’t spend our days talking about his adoption, you may notice I don’t even write about it all the time. The fact is, the three of us (plus our dog) are a family, and that’s our daily focus in life, not how we became a family. That said, we are honest about it with others and with him as he starts to understand. In my mind, to be anything but honest would present adoption as something to be ashamed of, and that’s just not okay. Honestly, I couldn’t even begin to imagine how scarring that could be for someone to find out later in life that they were adopted – in my mind it would feel a bit like the Truman Show when he looks up into the sky and realizes the entire life he’s lead is fake. I just cannot see how that would be a good thing for anyone and that’s not something we could ever do to our child.
Further, Baby MPB was brought into our lives through Open Adoption, as in we know his birth mom and she knows him. We have pictures of them together, we keep in touch with her and value our relationship with her. We even plan to visit her as soon as we can afford the trip. Ultimately, he will always know who she is. And, we want him to know this. We chose open adoption in large part because of this fact – I don’t have any of the research handy to quote, but research definitely indicates that open adoptions are healthy for the children as they grow into adults, in part because there are no secretes and they have access to their biological family members and information like medical history.
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