Baby MPB is officially a big brother. Wow, is that ever weird as we have not met the new baby yet!
And, more then anything, I think this points straight to the complexities of being a family built through open adoption. Our family of three is simply not a typical family of three. Baby MPB has so much more extended family then most and we are all brought together because of this one child who we are all trying to do the best for.
Personally, I’m thrilled that the baby has arrived and both mom and baby are doing well. Yet, I also have mixed feelings. I have feelings about fertile people being so fertile while, clearly I am not and will never be thanks to my broken uterus. Some days it just seems unfair, yet I know that’s not a fair statement in this circumstance. I am also very glad we met this new baby’s father when Baby MPB was born, he seemed like a very nice guy and he seemed to treat Baby MPB’s birth mom well. And so, above anything else, I am excited for her and her partner, and so hopeful that everything will work out for their little family.
Yet, even though there are no negative indications, I remain fearful that it wont all work out. I’m afraid of seeing her get hurt and I just hope with every ounce of my being that she doesn’t. (I realize I have protective feelings when it comes to Baby MPB’s birth mom, I have no idea if this is normal/common).
And more then anything, as I’ve been thinking about this, I realize my personal feelings don’t matter at all in this situation no do Mr. MPB’S feelings. What matters is Baby MPB. Doing what is best for Baby MPB is my number 1 priority in life (and Mr. MPB’s first priority too). And for us, that means making sure Baby MPB has knowledge of his sibling. And hopefully, even a relationship with his sibling. As they are remarkably close in age, we kind of think there is a chance that they could be friends years from now. And, if nothing else we think they should have the chance to maybe be friends. Which means that so long as new baby’s parents are in agreement, Mr. MPB and I will make an effort to make sure the kids know each other. So, we have already committed to visiting both Baby MPB’s birth mother, his sibling and more extended family.
We always knew we’d visit Baby MPB’s birth mother again, but we never had a date or timeline for a visit. But, now that Baby MPB has a little sibling, it makes us feel the need to visit sooner rather then later. So, I’m now watching for flight deals to find a good time for a visit.
Do I know what this visit might look like? Nope, not in the least! In fact, I have absolutely no idea what our first visit will be like!! And that’s an intimidating thought! Thinking about our first potential visit reminds me of how nervous we were the very first time we talked to Baby MPB’s birth mother on the phone! Yet, now we know her, and we all share a deep love for Baby MPB, so I’m pretty sure it will be just fine when we do actually meet again.
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rrDog MPB and Baby MPB are not the best of friends. Or rather, Baby MPB thinks Dog MPB is his very best friend in the world. Dog MPB is not convinced. It’s clearly not a reciprocal love.
Dog MPB is a large dog, and we have always been very aware that she’s never been exposed to a lot of children. So, we’ve always been very cautious when children are around and we never leave Baby MPB unattended with the Dog MPB, you know, to make sure Dog MPB doesn’t eat Baby MPB.
When Baby MPB first arrived at home, Dog MPB went into a bit of a depression and hid from us. She also got jealous of the attention other women (not men) gave Baby MPB, but she seems to have mostly outgrown this as our female friends have helped the situation by ensuring they give the dog lots of attention when they first arrive.
There has been the odd sweet moment when Baby MPB is able to pet Dog MPB. But there have been no cuddles between the two of them, and that’s okay. The reality of their relationship is now that Baby MPB is very mobile he often tries to get close to Dog MPB and 90% of the time Dog MPB just leaves the room. We’ve encouraged this response from Dog MPB and always ensure Dog MPB has an “escape route” and never feels backed into a corner.
When Baby MPB started eating solids, Dog MPB became much more interested in Baby MPB. While Baby MPB eats in his highchair we have always allowed Dog MPB to be around cleaning up the dropped food. And, when Baby MPB is eating Dog MPB accepts his pets/fur pulling and Dog MPB will even happily lick Baby MPB’s hands clean when Baby MPB offers them.
We truly thought the introduction of Baby MPB as a treat dispenser would help them build a positive relationship. And it worked. Dog MPB still doesn’t lay around to be climbed all over, but her doggy depression seemed to lift once Baby MPB began eating. Dog MPB really does tolerate Baby MPB existence a lot better since the introduction of solids.
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BUT, things are changing. And, the MPB adults are not okay with the change.
It happened once or twice before, but never with any regularity. We let the first few instances go because they were just one off occurrences.
But, in the last week it seems to be becoming a regular occurrence. So last night Mr. MPB and I agreed it’s time for a permanent change.
Let me make something clear before I explain the change – Dog MPB has not actually done anything aggressive, but we believe there are signs that she may. So, we have decided we need to take precautionary action now before something does happen.
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When Baby MPB is done eating we always clean him up before taking him out of the high chair. Dog MPB has started barking at Baby MPB when we are in this process. The barking seems to be her sign that she desperately wants Baby MPB out of the chair so that she can eat any food that’s fallen into the seat. This is the ONLY time Dog MPB has ever barked at Baby MPB and we really don’t like it. Barking is not normal for Dog MPB as she only ever barks at strangers coming to the door (like a good 90lbs black dog who is pretending to be a guard dog). And when she barks she takes a rather aggressive stance and has her mouth directly at Baby MPB’s feet. Needless to say, it just doesn’t feel right to the adult MPB’s.
I truly don’t think Dog MPB would ever bite Baby MPB. But, I also know I’m not willing to take that risk as I really like Baby MPB having all 10 toes and the potential consequences for Dog MPB should she bite Baby MPB are just too horrible to think about.
So last night the Adult MPB’s made the decision that effective immediately Dog MPB and Baby MPB will always be separate during meal times. The baby gates will go up around the kitchen while Baby MPB is eating and after Baby MPB is out of his highchair the we will open the gates so that Dog MPB can clean up in and around the high chair. Thus, we are removing the interaction and hopefully the problem.
Does anyone have any other advice/strategies we should consider?
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