Yesterday’s post got me thinking as i mentioned that we see Mr. MPB’s parents about once per year. Maybe twice on a good year.
In fact, prior to Little MPB we went 3 full years without them visiting us. where as we visited then 9 times. Mr. MPB and I have a theory about relationships in life – we put in the same effort that others put in. So, if they wont visit us, we wont visit them. Let me explain my logic:
- First, relationships are reciprocal and I/we deserve to be treated respectfully. We cannot always put 1000% percent of ourselves into relationships, especially when we don’t get anything in return.
- Second, air travel with a child is HARD! We’ve done our fair share of air travel with a toddler (at least 10 flights), and with the exception of flying with an infant under 3 weeks old, it’s never been easy. And it’s never been stress-free. We have managed to have a bottle of formula explode all over another passenger. We’ve managed to have a toddler pull an all-nighter on more then one flight. On another flight we walked 2 km up and down the aisle.
- Let’s not forget that our child doesn’t sleep when he’s not in our house. And, I mean, he does not sleep at all! We force naps by driving and for our most recent trip to Hawaii we resorted to melitonin at night to try to get a few hours of real sleep (melitonin was recommended by his pediatrician to help with his complete lack of sleep when we travel). So, when we travel, we tend to spend every night awake, which means we have a grumpy toddler and grumpy adults. There isn’t much fun about extreme exhaustion while attempting to visit family.
- And cost. Now that Little MPB doesn’t travel for free, with the exception of our Hawaii trip, we have to pay full price for 3 flights and a rental car. All of which means each weekend visit is at least a few thousand dollars.
Now, back to the point of this, Mr. MPB’s parents. Neither of their kids live in the same city as them. Which means none of their grand-kids live in the same city as them. They complain that we never visit, and in fact, we actually did an early Christmas at their house last year in an attempt to appease them (which turned out to be one of the worst trips we’ve ever done).
I have to mention that they have the means to travel, if they wanted to. But they wont. They seem to believe it’s is the kids responsibility to travel to them, especially the MPB family which is the furthest away.
Not that it’s the same as an in-person visit, but they used to Skype with Little MPB when he was a baby. We used to suggest it, but, for the last 6 months if we even suggest skype, Little MPB cries and says no skype. And if we just surprise skype, he runs away and hides. The most recent attempt he looked at us and said I don’t want to skype these people, where is Auntie MPB? (to which I laughed so hard I cried – thankfully I was off the screen). All of this means we’ve stopped suggesting it, and apparently they don’t ask.
So, what this means is that their grandkids don’t know them, especially Little MPB.
And that infuriates me. Mr. MPB’s mom has always said she wanted to be a grandmother. We always say that they are welcome to visit anytime. Yet, now that she is a grandmother, and she refuses to visit. Truthfully, since her and I don’t have the best relationship, I don’t mind that she doesn’t visit. But, this isn’t about me, and I am so sad that Little MPB will grow-up not knowing this set of grandparents who would be wonderful grandparents if they ever saw him.
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