Open Adoption Communication
I know a large part of my ongoing struggle with her decision not to respond is that I do not know why she’s not responding and when she does eventually respond, she usually doesn’t explain why she’s been so quiet. I like to think it’s because she’s busy with her child and her life. Or even that maybe it’s about access to communication. But, I realize that no matter how many or how long these random silences are, I will always worry that something is seriously wrong. And that’s a worry that eats at me.
But, it’s also more than that. It’s the worry about how am I (we) going to explain to Little MPB one day why his birth mother doesn’t respond for months at a time. I am not naïve enough to think Little MPB wont ask why one day – all kids love to ask why, and from what I’m told kids in the adoption community almost always seek to understand their unique why’s. So, I find myself worrying, how will I help him understand why, when I don’t even understand why? I will never lie to him about anything in his past – that’s not fair to him (and I’m a horrible liar anyways). But, in answering honestly I will have to say, I don’t know, it also seems so cruel to not have answers.
And so, while I have no real answer, I know that I will always be able to tell Little MPB that we love her, we care for her and we will keep reaching out to her. And when she’s ready, she’ll get back to us.
This response feels unfair to Little MPB, but it’s all I can think of.
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