As much as I want to dive into sharing about our travel adventures (and I have lots that I do plan to share), I have something else on my mind today that I need to get off my chest first.
Our son’s birth mom has gone silent again. And this has been our longest stretch without communication so far – as in, it’s been more then a few months. We have absolutely no idea why she’s not responding, which means we also have absolutely no idea if she and her baby are okay.
This has happened before, so I should be getting more equipped at handling it. Or at least more used to it occurring. But the truth is, I’m not getting better at handling it. And I’m consumed with worry.
In the face of the unknown we are still reaching out to her frequently enough, but also not so frequently that we feel like we are nagging. Ultimately, we want her to be part of our son’s life and our family, we want them to have a relationship with each other, so we will always reach out. We see her and her family as an extension of our family – in many ways just like another extended family member. And I think for me the best way to explain my feelings right now is that it’s very similar to when any family member or friend might vanishes – I am just naturally worried.
This worry is something I struggle with because I so desperately want to help in any way I can, but I also know it’s not my role to help unless she asks for it. I realize the adoptive parent/birth parent relationship is different then most. I also realize that more people outside of the adoption world do not understand this relationship and are unable to provide constructive advice. As in, most people outside of the adoption world cannot relate and don’t understand because it’s something they have never had experience with. In fact, if I were to talk about this in real life (which I tend not to), people assume that no contact is best and make judgemental comments which make my blood boil. People still tend to assume adoptions are closed, which means I spend a lot of time explaining open adoption. Honestly, sometimes it gets tiresome explaining why open adoptions are healthier for everyone involved. I don’t enjoy being a broken record. As I’ve mentioned before, we also believe this stuff isn’t necessary for most people to know – we want Little MPB to be able to choose what to share and when to share as he grows up. We are always aware of the fine line that we don’t want to cross when it comes to respecting his personal story.
Anyways, I feel like I’m rambling.
All I really mean to say is that once again I’m worrying. Once again I’m not in the position to solve the problem (if there is even one to be solved). And, once again I am simply left to give her space and hope that she is okay.
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