Sharing
By nature I am a talker and can at times be an over-sharer.
Heck, I started a blog in which I share very personal details about my life. Yes, I am anonymous, but I don’t know that I always will be. Since the day I started my blog I have always assumed one day I would put my name to my blog. For the record, today is not that day. Even though today is not the day, I still expect one day I will.
So, knowing this, I have always been a bit careful about the details I share here. To begin with, I have always made a point to write about MY perspective, not that of my husbands. I figure if I end up damaging relationships because of my honesty here, that’s on my shoulder’s not his.
But, the second we chose adoption, I became way more careful about what I will share and what I will not share. In fact, I have to be as it is literally illegal for me to advertise our adoption publicly. The laws dictating this were written before the internet, but that doesn’t matter because the law is the law and that’s just the way it is. So, when it comes to our adoption, due to purely legal reasons I’ve been very careful about what I say and I don’t say. And especially now that we have our son in our lives while we wait for the adoption to be finalized, I simply cannot take any risks and so I also will not share his adorable little face. Once the adoption is finalized this law will no longer apply, so then I will be at liberty to discuss a few more things. Like, for example, I have said very little about our time in the USA. This still weighs heavy on my heart and once the adoption is finalized I will be vocal about this. Also, at this moment we are going through a local bureaucratic nightmare which is literally keeping me awake at night as I worry about how the system isn’t set up for and/or respectful of families like ours. Again, this is something I simply cannot risk discussing right now, but fully intend to once the adoption is finalized. The reasons I will share this stuff once the adoption is finalized is that other potential adoptive parents and USA and Canadian citizens have the right to know. But, clearly I will not do so until the time is right.
Also, now that we have our son in our lives, I have become insanely protective about his identity on my blog. Another blogger recently wrote about her perspective on being able to share her own adoption story in her own way, and this is is exactly why I am cautious about my son’s story. I want it to be his choice to share his story in his own way should he ever want to. I want to be respectful of his life start, his life story and his lifelong relationship with his birth mother. Obviously, his story overlaps with my story which I do share on my blog and intend to continue to share. But, the details like his birth, his birth mother’s decisions, his birth father, are all details which are his. In fact, when it comes to these details we also made the choice not to share them with anyone in our real lives. Therefore, I am intentionally vague when it comes to certain parts of his adoption story and I suspect I always will be.
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My Perfect Breakdown 
Great approach. This is something I’ve struggled with at times sharing too much. In the long run I think you and your family will benefit from this approach.
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When we first started our blog, we didn’t reveal our names. We have a little bit since. We still haven’t revealed the kids names. We try to block their faces on most of their pictures. We haven’t told the exact location of where we live or work. I am usually an open book. I love to talk to others and know about their stories and I love to share my mine. However, in our situation, the biological family of our children never had the children’s best interest in mind. They still do not. I have still not shared our adoption story. I want to! I want to tell everyone. However, at this time we still have to keep the story private. I get where you are coming from. It sucks.
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I learned on a prior blog that I was not actually anonymous. Thought I was but not so much. It is a slippery road and I think you are doing the right thing. One day our kiddos will be old enough and can read about this if they want. You are such a good mamma to give those around you their own space.
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Very wise choice. I have said that once Matthew is in kindergarten, his presence on my blog and on my FB page will be greatly reduced. At some point, he gets the right to his own stories. Some would say I’m already stealing those rights but we’re tied at the hip so his stories are mine too. Ha!
I’m anxious to see his sweet face some day!
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You know, I share a lot about Mary’s story, but there are the nitty gritty details that, similar to you, i feel are hers, and only hers to share. When she gets older, she may just want that to be a part of her story, or maybe not…that’s on her and not on me to dictate, so i respect your decision 110% to only share YOUR story and YOUR experience. Im curious about your challenges/concerns (??) with adoption in the USA. We are about to start the adoption process and there are so many questions and half of those questions have still gone unanswered. I’m wondering if adopting through the foster care system is any different. Either way, hope the adoption is finalized sooner than later…and then we can read those posts!
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I think adopting through the foster care system is different because no-one should be making copious sums of money off the adoption which is the case for private adoptions. And in my expeirence profit and greed is a horrible driving force when innocent children are involved. That said, if you have questions absolutely send me an email (myperfectbreakdown@gmail.com). I am happy to share privately with close blogging friends.
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I think you are so smart to realize that parts of your son’s story are his to share alone. I think this is true especially for adoption, but also even for children who aren’t adopted. I see a lot of people waaayyyy oversharing on FB and I am like, “How is your kid going to feel about that in 15 or so years?!”
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I think your approach is great and as always you are putting your son first.
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I think you are absolutely right to be careful. I waited 15 years to write my story – until my daughters were old enough to consent (or not – in my case they are okay with it.). It really isn’t possible to completely separate your own story from your son’s when including biographical details or pictures. We – your readers – may have to wait a long long time for that and we should all respect and understand that.
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I understand this completely. I’m an over-sharer as well, and B likes to remind me of that often! I try to keep my blog as anonymous as possible…that said, I’ve become good friends with some ladies here, and have let them into my personal world through Facebook or email, even snail mail. There are I think only 3 people in my real life that have read any part of this blog, and I don’t think that they read it regularly at all, they just read it the rare times that I shared the link to it with them. I don’t have any pics of our faces on here, and I really struggle with if that will change or not after the baby is born. As much as I love seeing pics of everyone else’s babies once they’re born here, I’m not sure if I want to do that with mine. (Seems very hypocritical of me, but I feel like it’s the only way to keep my blog on the same level that I have.) I am excited that you’re considering sharing more of yourself and your family in the future though!! I’m still waiting for you to decide you want to get into Facebook so I can share more with you there lol!!
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Love it!
It’s his story as you say.
Also, do you find that as time goes on the ‘charge’ or novelty if your situation wears off? In a good way. We’re at the point where we’re150% comfortable with Smoochie’s origins and that while he came to us through donation he is ours. In a sense, parts of his story are separate from us, but woven into ours at the same time and that’s so normal and okay now that it’s not something I think about very much at all.
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I completely understand what you are saying. This is very much what it’s like for us too! It’s great!
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