Somethings Gotta Give
Something has to give.
I have not been sleeping well for months now. In part because of Baby MPB waking up, in part because of Mr. MPB’s snoring and sometimes even in part due to the Dog needing out in the middle of the night. But, mostly the problem is that once I’m woken up by something, I’m up for hours upon hours. Last night, I slept from 10pm-1am. At 1am, Baby MPB had a mild middle of the night meltdown (have I mentioned how much I despise teething?). Both Mr. MPB and I were up trying to get him calm and back to sleep. Then, both of them went back to sleep, within minutes. Not me. I was wide awake. I tried every trick to fall back asleep, but eventually just went to the couch and turned on Netflix for the rest of the night.
I’ve been a grouchy bear all week, even though Tuesday night I slept in the basement in an attempt to sleep decently.
But it turns out, one night a week of decent sleep just isn’t enough.
I’m tired. I’m just so tired.
And yet today I have to work. And, I’m going to the gym. I was supposed to do a few more things, but I’m cancelling all those appointments for the sake of my sanity.
Oh, and I’ve been fighting some sort of bug all week, and this morning it’s turned into a cough. So I’m pretty sure I’m in for yet another round of a chest cold (here’s to hoping it wont be bronchitis for the 3rd time this year).
But none of the above is new. This simply has been how I’ve bene functioning for the last few months (or more).
The real reason I’ve decided something has to change is that this morning I felt like a downright horrible mother. Baby MPB could care less that I haven’t slept and he decided to start his day at 5:45. And after his own rough night, he was unbelievably grouchy. And, so was I, which is clearly not an ideal combination. Needless to say for the first time in his little life, I found myself yelling at my baby. Thankfully he didn’t understand and actually stopped crying to laugh at me. But, this isn’t okay. This isn’t the mother I want to be. I feel absolutely horrible. Seriously, who yells at a baby?!
Needless to say, this morning was my breaking point. As I listed to myself trying desperately to get Baby MPB to stop screaming, with tears rolling down my cheeks, I realized this isn’t okay. I just cannot continue functioning this way. Clearly one night a week of decent sleep isn’t a long term solution (who’d of thought?).
So, I told Mr. MPB this morning I’m booking an appointment with my doctor to talk about sleeping pills. This is an absolute last resort in my opinion, but I’m there. Mr. MPB has been opposed to them (and I think still is), but I don’t know what else to do. I just need decent sleep!