The Possibility of Saying No
So the big question on my mind today is if we turn down the donor embryos, will we/I regret it for the rest of my life?
Mr. MPB and I both completely agree that we are not ready for a second child today. But, we also both agree that we aren’t sure we ever will be ready for a second child, and we just don’t think it’s fair to ask our friends to wait indefinitely for us to make a decision.
We know the biggest factors standing in our way right now:
- Cost. Money is a big part of our hesitation in moving forward with the embryo adoption. Honestly, we just don’t know how we will ever be able to afford a paid gestational carrier after all our adoption expenses. And we just don’t have anyone in our real lives lining up to volunteer their uterus.
- Mental Health. Attempting another pregnancy, even with a gestational carrier, simply scares both Mr. MPB and I.
- Impacts on Baby MPB. See points 1 and 2.
- The process/legalities of gestational carriers in Canada. Honestly, I think some of our hesitation here is that we just survived an international adoption process that was absolutely nothing like what we expected. And truthfully, in someways, I think we are still a emotionally scarred from some aspects of the process which makes us hesitate to jump into another process that we don’t fully understand. Also, from a purely technical standpoint, we cannot seem to figure out the Canadian laws as it seems like it’s illegal to pay someone, yet it’s done frequently – it just doesn’t make sense to us.
And now, there is a new thing very important for us to consider. There is another couple who would love to adopt the embryos to try to grow their family. We have essentially been given first right of refusal, but for us, this piece of information is a drastic game changer. How in the world can we stand in the way of another couple’s possible family simply because we cannot make a decision? It doesn’t seem fair to the other couple, to our friends or even to the embryos.
But, I have this one very selfish thing holding me back from saying no – what if this really is our only chance at another child and in a few years this becomes the biggest regret of my life?
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