The Two Week Wait Crazies

As long as you are trying to get pregnant, even if it’s only your first month trying, the two week wait (TWW) sucks!

I am more convinced that the more TWW sucks even more, the more of them you have.

I’m sure if you ask anyone suffering with an inability to get pregnant for any duration of time, they would say it totally sucks! They would likely go on a rant about how frustrating it is to wait. I cannot speak too much about this because we are pretty good at getting pregnant – 5 pregnancies in 2 years.  Anyways, I am confident that the continual disappointment and would absolutely suck (to say the least).

What I can tell you about is if you ask someone who is trying again after loss, they would say the TWW is terrifying. If you ask someone going through RPL, with multiple losses, as I can attest to, they will also be terrified and will start to feel like a crazy person.

To give you a glimpse of just how crazy I become during the TWW, here is my crazy thoughts during the TWW:

  • What if it actually happens this month? What if we are actually pregnant? And what if it actually works? After all of this, am I really ready to be a mother and care for a little human being?
  • What if it doesn’t work, again? This will mark x month of trying, and x year of trying. Do we try something different? (This one is just now playing on my mind as we are about to hit 4 cycles since our last miscarriage (not counting a chemical pregnancy) – I know, I know, it’s only four, but for us, 4 is a lot).
  • When is enough, enough?
  • What if I am actually pregnant again, how will I cope with the fear of loss? What if we lose another one?
  • How can I survive losing another baby? How can my husband deal with this again?
  • When do we truly turn to adoption? (And this leads to about a million other questions).
  • Do my boobs hurt?
  • Is that morning sickness, or just an upset stomach?
  • Did I feel a twinge that could be implantation?
  • Did my dog just jump on me or near me? (On me means not pregnant, near me means I very likely am pregnant).
  • If we are not pregnant, at least I won’t have to face another miscarriage. (Is it sad that this is now my silver lining?)
  • Can I emotionally handle going through all of this again, regardless of the outcome?
  • Should I test? Is it too early to test? When should I test? Maybe I should google for the 20th time, when I should test?
  • If we end up with a positive test, will it just be a biochemical pregnancy again?
  • If it doesn’t work, maybe I should actually try ovulation sticks again next month. Oh, but I hate those stupid sticks, so maybe I just won’t bother. Arg, I have no idea what to do.
  • What if we now cannot conceive? I know it’s unlikely, but what if? Would we even be willing to venture into IVF, given what we’ve already been through?

I know for me, all of this makes me think I’m a completely nutter butter – yes, that’s right, I just said nutter butter. When I think about if I’m pregnant, I can change my mind 10 times in a day. I’m pretty sure on my obsessive days, I drive my husband crazy. I try to avoid obsessive days, I try to keep busy and keep my mind occupied, but I think anyone who has ever experienced a TWW, knows that some days are worse and it plays on your mind all day just like an annoying song on repeat. (And clearly, as I’m writing this post today, I am having one of those obsessive days).

Anyways, here’s to one more unknown. I will do my best to stay distracted for the next few days until I have an actual answer outside of my crazy self-assessments. But, I make no promises that I won’t still be crazy.

………………..

FYI, I drafted this yesterday morning.  By the time I went to finish it and post it, the self-assessment phase came to an end with a resounding not pregnant announcement from mother nature and the mojito drinking phase began.

If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.

26 Comments on “The Two Week Wait Crazies

  1. I couldn’t agree with this more!! I hope the rest of your TWW goes quickly & you get good news! Fingers crossed for you!

    Like

  2. I loved your “crazy” list and you are NOT a nutter butter! I have never had the torture of a two week wait. During my IVF cycle I had severe OHSS so my mind was focused on that. In addition, due to PCOS my cycles range from 40 to 70 days and I never know if or when I ovulate so basically there is no two week wait. I just wait for my period to show up. LOL! I read often times about the stress of the two week wait from others and I don’t know if I am relieved I don’t have that or wish I did.

    I’m praying and hoping your two week wait is full of lots of symptoms that will confirm a BFP at the end. Love ya! xo

    waitingforbabybird.com

    Like

    • You make a good point here about the grass being greener on the other side. Which is better, having the TWW or not? I guess like everything, there are pros and cons to both and between us we could probably write a giant list for each of our circumstances, that would probably even vary from month to month.

      No BFP this month – mother nature has confirmed it for me. So, I guess, we have no choice but to move onto next month and see what happens.

      Like

    • I like the suggestion of keeping busy with positive distractions like family and friends. I usually try to stay away from the guessing game and then the worrying about what if’s, but someday are just harder then others. But, such is life, I guess.

      Like

  3. Mojito drinking phase? Does this mean you started your period? Hope not. I fully understand that crazy making list. This TWW is much different than my others now that I know I’m getting but not staying pregnant.

    Like

  4. I remember feeling exactly like this with every 2WW. Hang in there hon. The one thing we easy to get pregnant, but not stay pregnant gals can count on is you will get pregnant again. I don’t think this will have changed drastically since your last pregnancy. Praying it happens soon and that the next one is the one that sticks! ❤

    Like

  5. I am sorry this month was a bust:( I feel and think everything on your tww list so it’s nice to know I am not the only one! This month my silver lining was well at least I can drink on vacation next and not worry about being pregnant, suffering another loss, going to the doctor every other day etc. Hoping the next one is soon for us and sticks around!

    Like

  6. I am sorry this month was a bust:( I feel and think everything on your tww list so it’s nice to know I am not the only one! This month my silver lining was well at least I can drink on vacation next and not worry about being pregnant, suffering another loss, going to the doctor every other day etc. Hoping the next one is soon for us and sticks around!

    Like

  7. Pingback: My TWW Signs | My Perfect Breakdown

  8. Pingback: When Things Don’t Go To Plan | My Perfect Breakdown

  9. Pingback: Stepping Off the Crazy Train | My Perfect Breakdown

  10. Pingback: Guest Blog: Surviving & Living After Infertility by My Perfect Breakdown | Ever Upward™

  11. Pingback: Relieved Heartbreak* | My Perfect Breakdown

  12. Pingback: What If | My Perfect Breakdown

  13. Pingback: Five Similarities Between Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and Adoption | My Perfect Breakdown

  14. Pingback: Ops, I Googled Again | My Perfect Breakdown

  15. Pingback: I Think It’s Time To Do Something Just For Me | My Perfect Breakdown

Thoughts? I love hearing from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: