When Things Don’t Go To Plan
As many of us in the IF/RPL community know, our lives are not going to the plan we expected. Many of us have been forced to learn some very hard lessons about life.
We learn to shift our perspective.
We learn to change our expectations.
We learn to lower our standards (of ourselves and society).
We learn to find faith in places we didn’t expect (religion, science, etc.).
We learn to nurture our marriages.
We learn to live in stress.
We learn to speak a new language of acronyms.
We learn to throw out our life plan (car, marriage, house, baby, etc.).
We learn to live in cycles (2 and 4 week cycles). We all know the two week wait all too well. We all seem to know the feeling of not committing to something important because we don’t know where life will be in 2 months or 6 months.
But what many of us also do is rely on our medical professionals – Some of us now know more about creating babies and miscarrying babies then many family doctors. We become expects in a subject we never really thought we’d care about – progesterone levels, betas, immunology, IVF, clomid, etc. We expect that doctor’s should know more than us about our reproductive future – but some of us learn the hard way that doctors are not gods and rather they are imperfect and fallible.
I had a very good lesson in this last point last week. My RE and his clinic, whom I had generally liked up until this point, clearly indicated that they are not gods. They did this through horrible communication, and we clearly saw that they are not treating me as an individual, rather they are treating me as a standard RPL patient which they see very few of. I ask questions slightly outside of the norm, and the nurses just read form a list of standard answers. This is simply not okay.
Last week reminded me that as much as I’ve let go of my life plan, I am not prepared to be a passenger on a train running wildly into the night. My doctors are there to support me, not to muzzle me. I am an active participant in my medical care and my future. While, I’m accepting that the end of this journey is beyond my control (i.e. will we have biological children or not), I will not accept that I have no say in the direction the train is running to get us there. I have a strong voice, and I will be much stronger from this point forward. I have to demand better of my current RE, and find a new one if he doesn’t step up. I am more than just a statistic. I deserve personal care. In fact, every single person experiencing RPL and infertility deserves the best personal care possible.
So, what I can assure you is that the next few weeks are going to be interesting and may result in a much different approach to our medical care:
- I’ll know in a day or two if we are pregnant this cycle. I honestly hope not, I just don’t think starting a pregnancy in the stress of last week is ideal. But, the deed was done, so it will be what it will be.
- October 1, we have skype initial consult with Dr. Bravernman. It’s free, my expectations are low, but it’s a great place to start.
- October 1, we have an appointment with our local immunologist to discuss his thoughts on seeking the knowledge of an RI.
- October 3, I have an appointment with my local RE (his nursing staff agreed to give me a cancellation appointment). We will be discussing the unacceptable treatment I received from his nurse. We will be discussing everything that happened with the progesterone last week and what his interpretation of the situation is. I will demand that from this point forward I use prometrium after ovulation, not once we test positive. We will be discussing his willingness to work with an RI out of country.
If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.