Stepping Off the Crazy Train

For the first time in almost 2.5 years, I do not know the monthly calendar based on cycle days.

I do not know where I am in my cycle, maybe CD 21ish?  maybe CD 26ish?

I do not know the date of CD1 off the top of my head (although I could look it up if I chose to).

I do not know if I’ve ovulated.  Or when I should ovulate.

I am not obsessively peeing on any sticks.

I have absolutely no idea when my period should arrive.

I know nothing!

Even more, we are not having scheduled sex. This is awesome and so freeing!

We are not facing a TWW.

I am not constantly symptom watching.

We are not dreading and yet at the same time  kind of hoping that this cycle will end in pregnancy.

We are not living in 1 month intervals of being pregnant or not.  Heck, we even booked a ski weekend for February and March at two of our favourite mountains!  That’s major long term planning that is not contingent upon the state of a pregnancy – this is progress.  We have not done in years!

.

There is something so liberating of being off the crazy RPL train!

Photo Source: Office.com Clip Art

Photo Source: Office.com Clip Art

I for one am feeling much calmer on a daily basis.  My RPL fears of another loss are slowly vanishing as we are not facing the prospect of getting pregnant again, my work fears/issues have stepped into that void.  That said work fears are much easier to deal with then the prospect of losing another baby.

So, on the whole, I for one am feeling much calmer these days.  In many ways, I feel like I’m starting to breath again for the first time in months.  I feel less and less like I’m hoping on for dear life, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I feel like we have started to live again and to embrace the future again without being overcome by all the fears.

 

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39 Comments on “Stepping Off the Crazy Train

    • Thank you Courtney! We will absolutely enjoy the ski trips – we haven’t skied in 2 years because its been considered too high risk of an activity for me. Honestly, skiing is the only benefit to winter, so we are really excited to go skiing again this year! 🙂

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  1. It feels LUXURIOUS, doesn’t it? It isn’t until you aren’t thinking about it all the time, that you realize how much mental space and energy worrying took up in your life.

    I love you’re embracing this bit of freedom!

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  2. Just reading this post makes me feel lighter! I love everything about it. I’m so glad you are moving forward feeling refreshed. It must be so nice not to deal with all of that BS. Cheers to that!

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    • Thank you so much for your love and support!
      I so hope that the further you get into your pregnancy the less fears you will have. Living in fear is just not a fun way to live.

      Like

  3. Since being on a break, I’m feeling like I’ve stepped off the crazy train for a bit. It feels nice, so I can so relate to this post. I’ve done nothing TTC related and it’s been wonderful. I’m so happy to hear such calmness in this post. 🙂

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  4. Isn’t it such a great feeling? I know that we stepped off different trains…sorta…but I remember when I stopped seeing the doctors, constantly symptom spotting, worrying, temping, charting, etc and just decided that when it happens, then it happens, I was a MUCH happier person. Sending you hugs today sugars! xo

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    • Maybe we just stepped off different cars on the same train? The entire IF/RPL stuff is enough to drive a person completely mad!
      So yes, just like you, I am already starting to feel much happier and calmer on a daily basis! I am so happy that you understand what I mean. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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