Clearly, the last week has been a particularly rough one. We went to New York with hope for an answer and a solution. We received a lot of answers, and even some potential solutions. But, solutions that are likely unattainable to us. Now we wait for the complete diagnosis and the final treatment plan, knowing that we will likely be done trying to have a child the normal way.

So, here I am now determined to stop sulking and determined to start picking myself back up. I am not one to be miserable and depressed, and I know I cannot continue to feel this way. To be consumed with these emotions. So, I know it’s time for me to refocus.

This will not be a simple or an easy task. So, how do I plan to do it? I plan to keep myself busy with healthy distractions like:

1. Once I got the clearance from Dr. B to start running again, I started and I haven’t stopped. 45 minutes a day.
2. As always, my dog and I will go for walks together. This always makes both of us happy.
3. Not artistic painting, that’s not going to happen. I plan to paint my husband’s office – he will have to work from the kitchen table. After our 4^th loss I painted 50% of our house, and I found it very helpful to focus on something simple. Last time the act of painting was cathartic. Removing the old and bringing in new light – both literally and figuratively. So, we bought paint yesterday. I’m moving furniture over the next few days. Then prepping the walls. Painting should happen starting next weekend. As my husband will not be a happy camper being out of his office for too long, I will have to move as quickly as paint drying will allow. I’ve promised him one week max – let’s hope I can keep the promise.
4. Removing an old built in light fixture in one of our bathrooms will happen sometime shortly.  This will require some demo, wall patching and then painting.  The bathroom needs more work (i.e. new tile floor and tiled shower), but those things will wait until I go back to work more consistently due to the cost.  The bathroom will become a light bright blue, just like water which I find so relaxing.  (We didn’t sample the color, so I am hoping it isn’t too much).
5. By pure coincidence, I will be helping my husband with some work this week. By no means is it my idea of fun work, but its active and it will get me out of the house. So, I’m not complaining.
6. We have dinner plans with friends this week. Time with friends has such a positive impact on my well-being, so I know it will be good for us.
7. We have an appointment with our counsellor late this week. When I called last week for a cancellation appointment, she fit me in at the last moment (thankfully). I’m a talker and our counsellor is an amazing individual, so I know time with her is time well spent.
8. Cooking and Baking. Yup, I will be spending time making sure we eat well this week. On my list of things to try baking this week – sponge toffee (because who doesn’t love sponge toffee?), gluten free banana bread (thanks Mama et Maman) and maple fudge (I’m feeling Canadian). I feel like eating all of this may be a bad idea, but the act of baking is the point of this, not the actual end product. So, I’ll just freeze most of it for another time. As for cooking, I have no specific ideas, but I will use the guiding principal of fresh and healthy. I am confident I’ll come up with a few ideas as the week goes on.
9. Writing.  I will make a point to keep writing.
10. Happy Moments.  I will keep searching out happy moments, both big and small.  There is no arguing the benefits of seeing happiness to help remind oneself of the good things in life.

Put together, all of these activities should help me focus on healthy living and positive change. I am confident that all of this will help me refocus and remember my promise to myself.

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