Picking Up the Pieces

Clearly, the last week has been a particularly rough one. We went to New York with hope for an answer and a solution. We received a lot of answers, and even some potential solutions. But, solutions that are likely unattainable to us. Now we wait for the complete diagnosis and the final treatment plan, knowing that we will likely be done trying to have a child the normal way.

So, here I am now determined to stop sulking and determined to start picking myself back up. I am not one to be miserable and depressed, and I know I cannot continue to feel this way. To be consumed with these emotions. So, I know it’s time for me to refocus.

This will not be a simple or an easy task. So, how do I plan to do it? I plan to keep myself busy with healthy distractions like:

  1. Once I got the clearance from Dr. B to start running again, I started and I haven’t stopped. 45 minutes a day.
  2. As always, my dog and I will go for walks together. This always makes both of us happy.
  3. Not artistic painting, that’s not going to happen. I plan to paint my husband’s office – he will have to work from the kitchen table. After our 4th loss I painted 50% of our house, and I found it very helpful to focus on something simple. Last time the act of painting was cathartic. Removing the old and bringing in new light – both literally and figuratively. So, we bought paint yesterday. I’m moving furniture over the next few days. Then prepping the walls. Painting should happen starting next weekend. As my husband will not be a happy camper being out of his office for too long, I will have to move as quickly as paint drying will allow. I’ve promised him one week max – let’s hope I can keep the promise.
  4. Removing an old built in light fixture in one of our bathrooms will happen sometime shortly.  This will require some demo, wall patching and then painting.  The bathroom needs more work (i.e. new tile floor and tiled shower), but those things will wait until I go back to work more consistently due to the cost.  The bathroom will become a light bright blue, just like water which I find so relaxing.  (We didn’t sample the color, so I am hoping it isn’t too much).
  5. By pure coincidence, I will be helping my husband with some work this week. By no means is it my idea of fun work, but its active and it will get me out of the house. So, I’m not complaining.
  6. We have dinner plans with friends this week. Time with friends has such a positive impact on my well-being, so I know it will be good for us.
  7. We have an appointment with our counsellor late this week. When I called last week for a cancellation appointment, she fit me in at the last moment (thankfully). I’m a talker and our counsellor is an amazing individual, so I know time with her is time well spent.
  8. Cooking and Baking. Yup, I will be spending time making sure we eat well this week. On my list of things to try baking this week – sponge toffee (because who doesn’t love sponge toffee?), gluten free banana bread (thanks Mama et Maman) and maple fudge (I’m feeling Canadian). I feel like eating all of this may be a bad idea, but the act of baking is the point of this, not the actual end product. So, I’ll just freeze most of it for another time. As for cooking, I have no specific ideas, but I will use the guiding principal of fresh and healthy. I am confident I’ll come up with a few ideas as the week goes on.
  9. Writing.  I will make a point to keep writing.
  10. Happy Moments.  I will keep searching out happy moments, both big and small.  There is no arguing the benefits of seeing happiness to help remind oneself of the good things in life.

Put together, all of these activities should help me focus on healthy living and positive change. I am confident that all of this will help me refocus and remember my promise to myself.

20140917 - A Promise to Myeslf

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31 Comments on “Picking Up the Pieces

  1. Good morning. I love the list you created. The painting and cooking seem very calming. I bet you’re going to find that answers and decisions seem to creep in while you’re focused on something else. Not sure how that wrks but it always seem to happen that way for me. The banana bread grabbed me too. Making it mid week. With Walnuts. 🙂


    • That is precisely my hope – find answers while focusing on something else. And even if that doesn’t happen, I know I will at least feel better by not just focusing on the negative.
      My banana bread will definitely be with chocolate or plain. No walnuts for this girl. 🙂


  2. Sponge toffee sounds delicious. Is there a recipe to share?

    It sounds like you have a good and healthy plan in the works. Too often my distractions involve wine.


  3. I’m so happy you can start running again. I’ve found running to be such a blessing, in part because it makes me connect with my body in a different, positive way. IF made me mistrust what I could do physically, while running reminded me that I’m still capable of a heck of a lot. I hope it has the same outcome for you!


    • I remember sponge toffee from when I was a kid, but haven’t had it in years. I made it last night, and it tastes exactly like I remember. 🙂
      So far the list is keeping me busy and active – exactly what I needed 🙂


  4. Excellent and very productive ways to keep yourself busy and active. And I hope you have a great session with your counselor!


  5. You can eat all the baking you want if you’re running 45 minutes and going for walks! I can barely run around the block!!

    Keeping you in my prayers! xoxo


  6. I make these sorts of lists for myself often! Usually, even if I only do a few of the things on the list, I still end up feeling better. I hope that’s the case for you, too. Better get painting!


  7. I am glad you are refocusing with a list of things to do! As for cooking, I love the skinnytaste.com website that has a lot of healthy delicious recipes. My husband and I pig out on them weekly!


  8. You sound as accepting as possible about the medical news. Running, baking and writing are so powerful and nurturing. I love reading your posts because you pay attention to small, special things! Keep on going. And send me some Canadian fudge!


    • I think now that I’ve had a bit more time to digest everything, I understand that I cannot change it. It is what it is, even if I don’t particularly like it. So, yes, I do feel much more accepting of all of it now, then I did a week ago.
      And thanks for the encouragement regarding my writing and sharing. 🙂


  9. It sounds like you have an amazing plan to stay busy during this season of waiting. I have to know how your gluten free bread turns out. If it is tasty, can you send me the recipe. I am not going gluten free. Also, I just love your pictures! I wish I had your talent. I need a picture to do with “rest” for a guest blog I am working on for another blogger and I need a picture of a hammock, or someone resting in a field, or something. lol! I don’t even own a camera (other than my phone) so who knows what I will end up coming up with. lol I am always impressed by your pics. My cousin owns a photography studio so you would think this would come easy for me. but it doesn’t.


    • My, non professional theory on photography – take lots of photos, one is bound to turn out! 🙂 With camera’s everywhere thanks to cell phones, I say just take lots of photos and one will work. Goof luck finding or creating a “rest” photo! I’m confident you will come up with something perfect! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: Knowing My Body Has Killed My Children | My Perfect Breakdown

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