As I mentioned in my #100happydays post yesterday, we took a long weekend road trip. The highlights of the weekend were the Dave Matthews Band concert at the Gorge Amphitheater in Washington and the Going-To-The-Sun Road in Glacier National Park in Montana.

We made a relatively last minute decision to buy concert tickets and drive to Washington State knowing that we’d either dealing with the disappointment of a negative cycle or we’d be 4-5 weeks pregnant with a high risk pregnancy. (We figured doing the drive at 4-5 weeks pregnant wouldn’t be the end of the world, because a miscarriage this early is relatively “easy” – the things I never thought I’d consider easy…).

It turns out we were not pregnant and I took the disappointment really hard (you can read all about that here).

I was really upset that it didn’t work. We’ve never had 4 failed consecutive cycles (yes, we did have a biochemical pregnancy, but I figure if our RE doesn’t count it, then for the sake of counting failed cycles the same way he does, then I will not either). Typically we get pregnant within 2 or 3 months after a loss. So, to hit the 4 mark, was really hard on me.

It turns out I expected that we’d be pregnant by now. In this whole pregnancy/infertility thing, that’s the only part we get right, so when we weren’t again, the fears kind of took over and I really struggled. The fears of not getting pregnant were really strong. I didn’t expect this emotion, or at least not this strongly.

So, the weekend away turned out to be the perfect timing. A completely adult focused weekend away that was exactly what we needed. We had fun, just like we would have before recurrent pregnancy loss took over our lives.

We started drinking at noon, and drank all afternoon and evening.

We consumed way too much alcohol.

We drank way too expensive, yet delicious, margaritas from mini plastic guitars. 

We ate mostly horrible fast-food for four days.

We slept in a tent surrounded by tens of thousands of perfect strangers.

We stayed up way too late.

We were both hung-over the next morning.

We chatted and enjoyed the company of complete strangers.

Our weekend not only reminded us that we need to have fun, but it also helped remind my husband and I about just how much we like each other. We enjoyed our time together, without being focused on everything baby. On top of an afternoon/evening of fun at the actual concert (which was awesome), we also enjoyed our time together while driving. While driving with just the two of us in the car for 2258 km (1403 mi) we had some great conversations. Some of which were about babies and/or adoption. But, many were not. We talked about future big travel plans (Alaska and South Africa are currently high on our list) and we talked his job and what I am going to do eventually. We talked about camping trips we want to plan for next summer. We talked about the difference (or lack there of) between the Rocky Mountains in US and Canada.  We talked about world politics and famous people who took naked photos of themselves and were surprised when they were hacked and stolen.  I sang horribly to bad song, and my husband didn’t kick me out of the car (I guess, that must be a sign of true love?).

Ultimately, while we had an awesome time, I was also able to get over the disappointment of the failed cycle. The weekend helped me refocus on my typical attitude that maybe baby number 6 will be our miracle baby. I am now focusing on hoping that this cycle will be the lucky one, but I also know that I cannot control when we will get pregnant again. So for now rather then worry about things beyond my control,

I will hold onto hope because the future is not yet written.

  If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.

Here is my eighth week of #100happydays.

Since this is officially marks the halfway mark of my 100 happy day adventure, I thought I’d recap my self-imposed rules:

  1. Photos must be taken on my Pentax K5, not the camera on my phone. Since we have an awesome camera, I want to force myself to use it more, and this seems like a great way to do it.
  2. I initially said I may not take photos every day. Clearly, I don’t half ass things, so I’m taking photos daily.
  3. I am only allowed 2 photos of my dog during the 100 days. This arbitrary number was chosen to prevent me from simply taking dog photos at 10pm if I didn’t get another photo during the day.
  4. I will post all the photos on www.myperfectbreakdown.com, usually early each week.
  5. As my blog is anonymous, my daily photos will not provide any obvious self-identifying elements (i.e. no selfies).

Day 50– August 25, 2014: Today is day 50!! I’m pretty shocked that I made it 50 days without a single miss. So today, I thought I’d celebrate the half-way mark with a photos of my favourite dog. She definitely brings happy into my life on a daily basis.

20140903 - 100HappyDays_Day50

Day 51 – August 26, 2014: I built the world (with a tiny bit of help from my husband).

20140903 - 100HappyDays_Day51

Day 52 – August 27, 2014: Today my Dad and Step-Mom stopped by to drop off some of my mom’s things from storage. My husband and I spent the entire evening feeling like we were part of some sort of old Christmas, as each box contained old and antique surprises. And at the same time many memories from my childhood rushed back into my mind – things I didn’t even know I still remembered.  I had a great evening reminiscing and telling old stories that I had not thought about in years. So in honor of my mom and sister, today’s photo is a picture of one of the beautiful tea cups that we unwrapped and I am now able to cherish for years to come.

20140903 - 100HappyDays_Day52

Day 53 – August 28, 2014: Packed and ready to go!! So excited!

20140903 - 100HappyDays_Day53

Day 54 – August 29, 2014: My husband and I took a long weekend road trip – we drove a total of 2258 km (1403 mi) in 4 days. On Friday, our first day, we drove to Spokane, WA and my happy photo is of me holding a maple candy in front of a beautiful lake somewhere in British Columbia, Canada. Enjoying my favourite “Canadian” treat on a beautiful mountain drive – I definitely call this a happy moment!

20140903 - 100HappyDays_Day54

Day 55 – August 30, 2014: The entire reason for our road trip was today: Dave Matthews Band live at the Gorge Amphitheater in Washington, USA. We set up camp, made some new new friends, and had an amazing time. Need I say more?

20140903 - 100HappyDays_Day55

Day 56 – August 31, 2014: Today we drove 705 km (438 mi) from George, WA to Kalispell, MT. The drive was filled with beautiful scenery, but we didn’t stop to take photos because we were exhausted (and slightly hung-over from the night before).  We spent the day chatting away as we drove through 3 states.  This means, I only took one photo the entire day!  But, I think it sums up the happiness of a day pretty well.

20140903 - 100HappyDays_Day56

Wishing everyone a great week filled with happy moments!

If you like this post, please feel free to share it and please return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.

%d bloggers like this: