We love with everything we have in us. We love our children. We love our parents. We love our friends, our pets and our neighbours. Oh, and our spouses too.
And so we hurt when these people fall short. When we love, we tend to expect the same compassion back. And so, when they don’t meet our expectations and we end up licking our wounds in the corner. Or at least, this is my experience.
And so what happens when we are the crazy and out of line ones? What happens when we, or rather I, am less then my best?
Lets just use an event that occurred in the MPB household this weekend as an example. We had friends coming over this weekend for dinner. One of my dearest friends who is an amazing women whom I respect and admire (not today’s point, but something worth mentioning because she’s just one of those people). So, we were picking up the clutter in the house and I had it in my head that we had to finish unpacking and putting away everything since our basement flood. Mr. MPB didn’t see the point on finishing up the basement. His priority was the backyard and the main floor with the kitchen and the living room. You know, the space that we would actually be using with our friends.
Needless to say, our differing opinions didn’t seamlessly mesh into one to-do list nor did we divide and conquer.
Instead, I didn’t keep my calm and nor did he. Needless to say, every single communication technique and successful arguing strategy went out the window and I had a small meltdown. Yup, we were shouting and I was almost in tears because Mr. MPB wanted clean the main floor and I wanted to clean the basement.
And then I decided that this was all his fault for not listening to me and he just kept going on about how I was not making any sense. All I wanted was an apology and instead he told me that wasn’t making sense and he was not going to apologize. While he was likely 98% right, it’s never a good idea to actually tell me that I’m making no-sense! Basically, I just ended up even angrier and more irrational. And then he made the biggest mistake – he realized that our conversation was going no-where and he walked away. I wasn’t done being crazy, how dare he walk away?!?!!! And so I got even more upset.
Seriously, I do realize that no-one is perfect, but this wasn’t pretty. I’d say this was one of my less then ideal moments.
But you know what, eventually we started doing some yard work and I did apologize for being slightly insane. Maybe the sunshine and/or fresh air helped screw my head back on the right way? I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure he was happy to have his more balanced and calm wife back.
And you know what, he still loves me and I still love him.
Not every day is perfect, but somehow we manage to see past the crazy.
And some people say PMS isn’t a real thing?! Ha, if this wasn’t the result of PMS then I should probably be checked into a crazy house.
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Before you go getting excited, let me say we have NOT been matched and we are still waiting, so this is not that update. Trust me, if it were that update, everyone in the world would probably hear me screaming the update through happy tears!
We were recently provided with an update regarding how many times our profile was shown in the first few weeks of going live.
The update included how many times our profile was shown, what stage of the matching process the birth mother is in (i.e. match confirmed by everyone, match proposed to adoptive parents, no decision made by birth mom). We will also be notified if we were in her top few families and obviously we will find out immediately if we are the family she chooses.
We were told to expect an average of 10 showings a month, but so far we far enough below that number that I don’t expect we will reach it. Needless to say, I was hoping our profile would have been shown more. And of the matches confirmed/proposed we did not rank in the top families.
Because my reaction was almost non-existent, I’ve been trying to think about how this all makes me feel. I asked Mr. MPB his thoughts too.
And it turns out, neither of us really seem to care about the update. On some level, I think we were both secretly hoping to be the couple that gets matches within weeks, but clearly that didn’t happen. But, we could still be matched in months and that would be pretty cool too.
I guess it’s good to be known that we are being shown, even if it is less then we ideally want. But, at the same time, it really doesn’t matter how many times we are shown, all that matters is that we are eventually chosen and the match works out.
Right now, we are both comfortable with the fact that our profile book is an accurate reflection of us. I guess if the wait starts to drag on for months and into years we might start to question the book. But for now, it seems that we both don’t see the need to rush out and change it (which is good because changing the book wouldn’t be cheap).
I kind of think if we ever find out we ranked number 2 in one of these updates we will both be super disappointed that we were “beaten” by only one different couple. But at the same time I think we’ll both just realize that it wasn’t meant to be. Whatever put the other couple above us mattered to the birth mom/family and that’s her right. I guess we wont know for sure how we will feel about this until it happens, but at least we are starting to think about the possible emotions so that we can be a bit better prepared should it happen one day.
I guess, the indifference we are both feeling might just be indicative of the fact that we are handling the wait okay. It hasn’t been long enough that either of us are going completely crazy yet, well at least no more crazy then I typically am. I expect this to change at some point. I expect our impatience to grow with time and our frustrations to increase the longer we wait. But for now I’m thankful I have some work to keep my mind occupied.
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My Perfect Breakdown 