I had a bad day.  One of those days where no matter what you do, you feel like it’s wrong.  One of those days where you just wish you could crawl into bed and hide under the covers.  One of those days where all the bad stuff just seems to pile one and you find yourself remembering all the other stuff that’s gone wrong in the last few years.  It’s just been one of those days where I desperately wish I could hit a reset button and start over.

Instead, after a long day of work meetings, I’m spending the night in a hotel room.  It’s late, but I wish I just drove the 3 hours back home because right now I just don’t want to be alone.  And sometimes being alone with ones thoughts is not a great place to be.  It’s like the quiet hotel room just gives space for all the thoughts to creep in and to set up residency.

I have tears rolling down my cheeks because all I can do is think of everything that’s wrong. My bad day has turned to missing my mom and sister. Our babies that aren’t here. Our frustrations with adoption. Our lack of family support. And just all of our dreams that seem so far out of reach.

I just hope today ends sooner rather then later.  I’ve had enough.

And to make matters worse, I know that since I’m in a hotel I’m unlikely to sleep well.  And now that I’m stressed and upset, I know I’m very unlikely to get much sleep.

Instead, I’m lying here wishing for the night to pass by so that I can get home tomorrow.  I miss my bed.  I miss my dog.  And mostly right now I miss Mr. MPB.

Maybe tomorrow will be better, but maybe it wont.  All I know for sure is that today is a bad day and I hate bad days.

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