I don’t know what the future will look like, but I know as of right now Mr. MPB and I want contact and so does our birth mom.
I see her as part of our family. Honestly, how could I not? She gave life to our son, the son that she has so graciously shared with us.
And so, we will make an effort to go back and visit. It’s highly unlikely she will be able to visit us (at least at this point in time), but we will definitely visit her.
The distance is surprisingly great considering we live on the same continent and our countries share the 49th parallel. And the Canadian dollar is incredibly low and our adoption debt is rather high. So, I honestly don’t know when we will be able to afford a visit, but I know we are already saving for one.
So, for now we text and email. I send photos as often as I reasonably can. I have already sent a package to her and know I will send more in the future.
Long term, I hope we all continue to have a relationship. Of course, this is dependent on her wanting to continue having a relationship. I cannot force her to be involved if she ever decides not to be.
And, I also cannot guarantee that Baby MPB will always want a relationship with her. Should our son one day decide he doesn’t want contact, at an appropriate age, I don’t believe we would force him to.
I guess, like so many relationships in life, all I can do is work hard to lay a strong foundation now with my daily actions and hope that it all works out in the future. I hope, I really hope, we all find a way to navigate any bumps in the road that we encounter along the way.
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I’ve heard before that having a child is a life altering experience.
People often talk about the process of having a child as life altering. Getting pregnant, being pregnant, and going through the physical experience of labour are life altering. Then watching your partner with your child and learning how to parent together is also life altering. And then of course watching your child grow while supporting them to the best of your ability is bound to be life altering.
Well, this is all true for me.
The process of having a living child has been life altering in every way for me. 5 miscarriages destroyed my perspective of pregnancy. My personal version of labour never resulted in a healthy child. For me, pregnancy simply meant death.
Until just this once, it didn’t.
No matter how I look at it, I have to acknowledge that my son is the result of a healthy pregnancy. In this case, pregnancy did exactly what it is supposed to do. And that’s an amazing realization for me. I could not give my son life as he could not grow my son in my uterus. That will never be my reality. But my son’s reality and mine too, is that he was born as the result of a healthy pregnancy.
Choosing adoption, allowed me to see that pregnancy can end the way it’s meant to.
And while we never created our son, we are experiencing all the other life altering experiences associated with having a child.
By choosing adoption, I have been given the gift of watching my husband with our child. It’s amazing to watch Mr. MPB interact with Baby MPB. I always knew he was meant to be a father, but now I really know. Being a father is the life he was meant to have, and I am honoured to be his partner in parenting our beautiful son. And I am so grateful we found a way to become parents. And I am deeply and forever honoured that our son’s birth mother chose us.
And adoption has also given me the gift of being a parent myself and learning to parent with Mr. MPB. It’s not always perfect. In fact, we often find ourselves saying, just because we do things differently doesn’t make one of us right, it just makes us different. But it’s amazing to see and learn completely new things with him every day.
And of course, the most amazing thing is something that essentially all parents share – the rest of our lives will be spent supporting our son as he grows up. Showing him unconditional love and teaching him about life.
But the unique thing that adoption has given me is a new appreciation for human compassion. Before this journey I had never given much thought to what adoption really meant for everyone involved. But today, I stand here and I can say, the experience of having one mother place her child in the arms of another mother, is nothing short of profound. I will never forget her compassion and I will raise our son to know about her love and kind spirit. I will raise our son and will live my life to honour her sacrifice and trust in us.
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My Perfect Breakdown 