I rarely swear, but F*!$ is about all that comes to mind right now.
I also rarely post twice in one day. But as it turns out, right now, I need to write. And in light of this post, my post earlier today is almost ironic now.
I mentioned last week that I’m sick. I’ve barely done any work, and have basically just been sleeping. Mr. MPB has been doing everything 24 hours a day – cleaning, cooking, all feedings including bottle sterilization and formula prep, all diaper changes, baby bathing, etc.) as we put me in self-imposed quarantine to try to prevent Baby MPB from getting sick.
Late last week my head cold moved to my chest.
As someone who grew up with asthma, I know when something isn’t right. And now that I’m coughing up nasty stuff, consistently coughing about 45,000 times a minute and being that I’ve felt so crummy for over a week, I finally broke down and went to the doctor yesterday late in the day. It turns out I’m much sicker then I thought and/or expected to be:
- I have a lung infection. For the first time in years I’m now on antibiotics and inhalers. Evidently it’s too early for x-rays to show the exact problem, but given how my lungs sound and how everything is presenting, I have a lung infection, likely bronchitis. Now that I’m on antibiotics if I’m not better by the weekend, I’m off to emergency for x-rays (no x-ray clinics are open on the weekend). As an added bonus, 2 doses into the antibiotics they are already playing havoc with my digestive system.
- I found a small lump in one of breasts earlier this week, which is actually the main reason I booked an appointment. I’m being sent for further testing. But, the doctor is pretty sure it’s nothing as I’m sick so my glands and lymph-nodes are likely just swollen. But when it comes to lumps, it’s always smart to be sure. I have no idea when I’ll get the testing, but I plan to practice the ostrich (i.e. stick my head in the sand and completely ignore this) until we have an answer because there is nothing I can do about it except worry. And to worry right now is simply pointless.
Clearly, not the news I was expecting or quite frankly the news I wanted.
As for the lung infection (because I’m choosing to ignore the other thing). I’m frustrated and deeply annoyed. My doctor made it clear, I am not to be near Baby MPB as lung infections are really not good for infants. If it’s absolutely necessary I must wear a mask that blocks viruses and bacteria. I have been unable to find such a mask, but truthfully have not had time or energy to look too hard. Thinking I wouldn’t be contagious anymore, I spent about 4 hours yesterday caring for Baby MPB. In fact he came to the doctor appointment with me as Mr. MPB was at a meeting.
To complicate things further, Mr. MPB absolutely had to work last night and tonight. Until the wee hours of the night. I’m home, but I’m useless as a mom since I basically cannot be near our infant who needs 24 hour care at his age.
The good news. A friend came over last night and took care of Baby MPB while Mr. MPB was working. I sat on the other side of the room and we chatted, and tried to help her learn how to feed Baby MPB without being able to touch anything (most frustrating thing ever). Tonight we are in the same boat as Mr. MPB has to work. My friend is going away for a long weekend, otherwise she’d absolutely be here again. I refuse to ask any of our friends with kids of their own because I cannot risk their kids getting this. So, I called my parents and actually asked for help. They live multiple hours away, but without hesitation they offered to come hang out with Baby MPB and our nanny has also volunteered to stay late tonight. I am touched and thankful that everyone is willing to help. And now that tonight is taken care of, Mr. MPB will be back full time on Friday and the weekend.
The bad news. I feel horrible. Not because I’m sick, although that doesn’t make me feel great. But, because yesterday I may have given Baby MPB this while I was taking care of him. I’m riddled with worry for his health right now. And because I cannot go near Baby MPB. All week it has broken my heart to hear him cry in the middle of the night and not be able to go to him (Mr. MPB goes to him, it’s not like he’s left to cry at this age). I want to hold my son. I want to feed him and comfort him. I want to play with him. I want to smell the cute baby smell. Heck, I even want to change his diapers which definitely do not smell cute. He’s right here and yet I miss him!!
But, I’ll continue to keep my distance from Baby MPB. I have to for his sake.
So, here’s to hoping the antibiotics do the trick and do it quickly!!
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Vaccinations seem to be a tricky subject. I honestly debated not even writing about this, simply because I don’t want to jump into a landmine of comments on a controversial subject. But, in the end, I decided to share. But, I’ll start by saying we are pro-vaccinations/immunizations, and I’ll also add this isn’t intended to initiate a debate on if one should vaccinate their child or not. This is simply our decision and how we chose to handle it.
As I said, we are pro-vaccinations so for us there was no debate on vaccinations – if Baby MPB was healthy enough to get them, he would get them. However, until he is old enough to get his vaccinations, we have made a simple rule
No matter who you are, if you don’t have your flu shot, you are not welcome to visit until Baby MPB turns 6 months old and can get his own vaccination.
It turns out nearly everyone in our families gets their flu shot. Except, of course one set of grandparents. And this set of grandparents lives far enough away that when they visit they will be staying in our house for an extended period of time. Needless to say, it did not go over well when we told them our rule. They paraphrased highlights of the conversation included:
- I’ve never had my flu shot before and I’m always healthy. We gave them a little education on how seniors and babies are at the highest risk of dying from the flu. If they are willing to risk their health, that’s their choice. But we are not okay with them risking our son’s life.
- It doesn’t matter because we’ve already seen our other grandchild multiple times without having the flu shot. It was fun having to explain to them that we know the level of prenatal care that our niece received was second to none, and we know that Baby MPB may not have had the same level of care given the different circumstances of the pregnancies. The differences are as simple as access to healthy food during pregnancy and adequate medical care. And, it turns out, they never told the other sibling this fact, so this news was also not well received by them either.
- Your sibling doesn’t care that we’ve seen their baby without having shots, so you shouldn’t either. In response to that, we said, we are not them make our own decisions on how to raise our son. We are doing what we believe is best, just like you did with your kids. Period.
- It’s too expensive to get the flu shot. Seriously, it’s like 5 dollars. You can afford it. Heck, we’ll pay for it.
- I don’t like needles. Do you like sick children more? It’s 2 seconds, you can handle it.
- How will you know if we get them, we’ll just say we did and you’ll never know. Ummm….this is 100% unacceptable and if you are even going to think about doing that, then don’t bother visiting at all.
In the end, we called a pharmacy near their house and booked them appointments. We gave the pharmacy our visa number to charge us for the shot. This would also ensure we knew they got it because we’d get the bill.
In the end, they got it. But rather then just saying, yup, we got our shots, they decided to keep telling us that they wouldn’t get it. They seemed to think they were funny, and somehow we’d see the humor in this. Needless to say, we didn’t and still don’t. For us, there simply is no humor in risking our child’s health and well being.
Maybe we are being over-protective parents. But you know what, I’d rather be an over-protective parent then to have a sick infant. Their bodies are so vulnerable at this age and I really feel that the least we can do is try to keep him healthy until his immune system is more developed.
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