F*!$

I rarely swear, but F*!$ is about all that comes to mind right now.

I also rarely post twice in one day.  But as it turns out, right now, I need to write.  And in light of this post, my post earlier today is almost ironic now.

I mentioned last week that I’m sick.  I’ve barely done any work, and have basically just been sleeping. Mr. MPB has been doing everything 24 hours a day – cleaning, cooking, all feedings including bottle sterilization and formula prep, all diaper changes, baby bathing, etc.) as we put me in self-imposed quarantine to try to prevent Baby MPB from getting sick.

Late last week my head cold moved to my chest.

As someone who grew up with asthma, I know when something isn’t right.  And now that I’m coughing up nasty stuff, consistently coughing about 45,000 times a minute and being that I’ve felt so crummy for over a week, I finally broke down and went to the doctor yesterday late in the day.  It turns out I’m much sicker then I thought and/or expected to be:

  1. I have a lung infection.  For the first time in years I’m now on antibiotics and inhalers.  Evidently it’s too early for x-rays to show the exact problem, but given how my lungs sound and how everything is presenting, I have a lung infection, likely bronchitis. Now that I’m on antibiotics if I’m not better by the weekend, I’m off to emergency for x-rays (no x-ray clinics are open on the weekend). As an added bonus, 2 doses into the antibiotics they are already playing havoc with my digestive system.
  2. I found a small lump in one of breasts earlier this week, which is actually the main reason I booked an appointment.  I’m being sent for further testing.  But, the doctor is pretty sure it’s nothing as I’m sick so my glands and lymph-nodes are likely just swollen.  But when it comes to lumps, it’s always smart to be sure.  I have no idea when I’ll get the testing, but I plan to practice the ostrich (i.e. stick my head in the sand and completely ignore this) until we have an answer because there is nothing I can do about it except worry.  And to worry right now is simply pointless.

Clearly, not the news I was expecting or quite frankly the news I wanted.

As for the lung infection (because I’m choosing to ignore the other thing).  I’m frustrated and deeply annoyed.  My doctor made it clear, I am not to be near Baby MPB as lung infections are really not good for infants.  If it’s absolutely necessary I must wear a mask that blocks viruses and bacteria. I have been unable to find such a mask, but truthfully have not had time or energy to look too hard. Thinking I wouldn’t be contagious anymore, I spent about 4 hours yesterday caring for Baby MPB.  In fact he came to the doctor appointment with me as Mr. MPB was at a meeting.

To complicate things further, Mr. MPB absolutely had to work last night and tonight.  Until the wee hours of the night.  I’m home, but I’m useless as a mom since I basically cannot be near our infant who needs 24 hour care at his age.

The good news.  A friend came over last night and took care of Baby MPB while Mr. MPB was working.  I sat on the other side of the room and we chatted, and tried to help her learn how to feed Baby MPB without being able to touch anything (most frustrating thing ever).  Tonight we are in the same boat as Mr. MPB has to work.  My friend is going away for a long weekend, otherwise she’d absolutely be here again.  I refuse to ask any of our friends with kids of their own because I cannot risk their kids getting this.  So, I called my parents and actually asked for help. They live multiple hours away, but without hesitation they offered to come hang out with Baby MPB and our nanny has also volunteered to stay late tonight.  I am touched and thankful that everyone is willing to help. And now that tonight is taken care of, Mr. MPB will be back full time on Friday and the weekend.

The bad news.  I feel horrible.  Not because I’m sick, although that doesn’t make me feel great.  But, because yesterday I may have given Baby MPB this while I was taking care of him.  I’m riddled with worry for his health right now.  And because I cannot go near Baby MPB.  All week it has broken my heart to hear him cry in the middle of the night and not be able to go to him (Mr. MPB goes to him, it’s not like he’s left to cry at this age).  I want to hold my son.  I want to feed him and comfort him.  I want to play with him.  I want to smell the cute baby smell.  Heck, I even want to change his diapers which definitely do not smell cute.  He’s right here and yet I miss him!!

But, I’ll continue to keep my distance from Baby MPB. I have to for his sake.

So, here’s to hoping the antibiotics do the trick and do it quickly!!

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42 Comments on “F*!$

  1. Hope everything clears up soon and Baby doesn’t get sick! It’s hard, but you’re doing the right thing! I’m so glad you have awesome friends/family to help you get through this. Hooray for little blessings!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ughhh, I’m so sorry! That really sucks. Hope you feel better soon, Baby MPB doesn’t get sick, and the lump turns out to be nothing serious.

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  3. Oh you poor thing. That all sounds awful. I am glad you have people around who have readily been available to help you. That part is wonderful – especially the family as I know how tricky that relationship has been in the past. In AUS those masks are at the pharmacy if that helps xx

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  4. Thinking of you all! I will be hoping the lump is nothing and that your infection clears up quickly and that is the end of it. Sounds hectic but I also hear a lot of energy in this post. Good, getting stuff done, energy! You’ve got this! 🙂 Hugs!

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  5. Oh no!!! Sounds awful! Lung infections are tough. Glad you are on antibiotics and hopefully they will clear you up ASAP so you can be cuddling with baby MPB soon!! That fresh baby skin smell is the best! xoxo

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  6. 😦 sorry you are sick… I hope it clears up soon so you will be able to take care of the baby and get your cuddles back.

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  7. I am sure that part of what brought this on is the relaxation from all the stress of being in the US and finalization of the adoption. It’s like your body lets go of all of the tension and it’s JUST ENOUGH to screw over your immune system defense. My own body does this all the time.

    that said, I am SO SO SORRY to hear that you’re so sick! and that the struggles of working PLUS infant PLUS illness… ugh. lousy! but the antibiotics will do their job and you’ll be feeling better soon. and in all likelihood, baby MPB won’t get what you’ve got.

    soon you’ll be back to smelling sweet baby. and diapers. though I am sure you are more excited about the former. ❤️

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  8. Look for an N95 mask. Otherwise a hardware store that sells masks for people who work with insulation is plenty coverage to protect the baby. With your remodels, you may even have one in the house. I feel for you. I have asthma as well, and it’s taking J and I 2 weeks to start feeling better from that horrid respiratory virus going around. I, also, had to start taking inhalers & steroids I hadn’t taken in years. If you lived closer, I’d give you some donor breastmilk to help protect baby MPB! XO Feel better!!!

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    • That’s exactly what my husband said! If it comes down to it, I’ll use the mask I use for reno’s which is really heavy duty.
      Also, your kindness is amazing. Thank you. For many reasons, I wish we lived closer together. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I don’t think that you gave your sickness to baby MPB! I am sure you were very, very careful when you were around him yesterday. Please try not to worry — easier said than done, I know. Xoxo.

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  10. Ugh, respiratory stuff is terrible and stressful when you have a new baby. Our nephew got rsv last month, and his preemie brother is, of course super susceptible so we were all on pins and needles, but little dude avoided it (dodged bullet #5468). Sending good healthy thoughts your way and towards the little boo.

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  11. Get well soon so you can go back to cuddling your baby. Hopefully baby MPB doesn’t get sick.

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  12. Oh Sweetie, I am so sorry! I hope that you’re able to start feeling better very soon and that the lump turns out to be absolutely nothing. I’m thankful your parents are coming to help and when you feel better, you’ll have to tell me more about this nanny! I must make sure she’s wonderful enough to be working for you! 😉 Much love and prayers for quick healing, my friend!

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  13. You poor thing. I’m so sorry. I hope the meds kick in quickly so you can get back to baby snuggles ASAP. That’s just brutal.

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  14. So sorry you’re still sick, but I’m glad you finally went to the Dr!! I hope the antibiotics kick in quickly and you start feeling better soon. Hopefully you didn’t pass along any germs to baby MPB. Also fabulous that you were able to find some people who were willing to come and help out with the baby! Crossing my fingers that no trips to the ER will be needed, baby stays healthy, and you’re on the mend quickly!

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  15. So sorry about the infection. Understandable you are worried about baby, I will be praying for him to stay healthy while you heal. Also, for your bump to be nothing of concern. I agree not to worry about it until you have to. Sending love!

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  16. Can you get your hands on any Thieves?? WHen I get sick I diffuse it in my house and spray it everywhere. If you have an apothecary near you they would have something like this! It is really a miracle oil!! It would really help keep everyone else in your house healthy.

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  17. If you can’t find it the oil is on Amazon. Called four thieves. You only need like 5
    Drops in a small blue glass spray bottle. You can also buy a diffuser and do both. I make hand soap with thieves as well. Just mix water, a little dr bronners and a few drops of thieves in the soap in one of those foaming soap dispensers . I have the exact recipe on my blog. I swear by this! Good luck!

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  18. Hi, first of all congratulations on your son!!! We were lucky in that our baby was born in July so not a peak time for respiratory illnesses. She’s now 20 months old and has had her share of nasty colds and even one case of bronchiolitis. I just wanted to say that, the times that she’s had her worst respiratory infections, she hadn’t even been around anyone sick, whereas I managed to get strep when she was 4 months old (not exposed to anyone either) and didn’t pass it on to her. Of course she and everyone around her gets their flu vaccine, but this is just to say that, as much as we would like to, we can’t control or even predict what they will end up catching.

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  19. Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry to hear about the infection. I know that must be so worrisome with the baby. What a wonderful friend you have to help out and I’m so happy you called family. I know it is probably difficult to watch everyone do things for you but taking care of yourself now will help in the long run. Hang in there and feel better soon!!

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  20. Oh no. You poor dear. It sounds like you have the right people in your court to come lend a helping hand! Nothing worse than being sicky with a baby. Rest up momma and get well! I’m so sorry your sick. Sending all the healing vibes!

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  21. Oh my goodness. I hope you’re feeling better now! I am just catching up on reading what’s been going on! How hard it must be to be ill with a newborn baby…as if just having a newborn isn’t hard enough!!!

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