I rarely swear, but F*!$ is about all that comes to mind right now.
I also rarely post twice in one day. But as it turns out, right now, I need to write. And in light of this post, my post earlier today is almost ironic now.
I mentioned last week that I’m sick. I’ve barely done any work, and have basically just been sleeping. Mr. MPB has been doing everything 24 hours a day – cleaning, cooking, all feedings including bottle sterilization and formula prep, all diaper changes, baby bathing, etc.) as we put me in self-imposed quarantine to try to prevent Baby MPB from getting sick.
Late last week my head cold moved to my chest.
As someone who grew up with asthma, I know when something isn’t right. And now that I’m coughing up nasty stuff, consistently coughing about 45,000 times a minute and being that I’ve felt so crummy for over a week, I finally broke down and went to the doctor yesterday late in the day. It turns out I’m much sicker then I thought and/or expected to be:
- I have a lung infection. For the first time in years I’m now on antibiotics and inhalers. Evidently it’s too early for x-rays to show the exact problem, but given how my lungs sound and how everything is presenting, I have a lung infection, likely bronchitis. Now that I’m on antibiotics if I’m not better by the weekend, I’m off to emergency for x-rays (no x-ray clinics are open on the weekend). As an added bonus, 2 doses into the antibiotics they are already playing havoc with my digestive system.
- I found a small lump in one of breasts earlier this week, which is actually the main reason I booked an appointment. I’m being sent for further testing. But, the doctor is pretty sure it’s nothing as I’m sick so my glands and lymph-nodes are likely just swollen. But when it comes to lumps, it’s always smart to be sure. I have no idea when I’ll get the testing, but I plan to practice the ostrich (i.e. stick my head in the sand and completely ignore this) until we have an answer because there is nothing I can do about it except worry. And to worry right now is simply pointless.
Clearly, not the news I was expecting or quite frankly the news I wanted.
As for the lung infection (because I’m choosing to ignore the other thing). I’m frustrated and deeply annoyed. My doctor made it clear, I am not to be near Baby MPB as lung infections are really not good for infants. If it’s absolutely necessary I must wear a mask that blocks viruses and bacteria. I have been unable to find such a mask, but truthfully have not had time or energy to look too hard. Thinking I wouldn’t be contagious anymore, I spent about 4 hours yesterday caring for Baby MPB. In fact he came to the doctor appointment with me as Mr. MPB was at a meeting.
To complicate things further, Mr. MPB absolutely had to work last night and tonight. Until the wee hours of the night. I’m home, but I’m useless as a mom since I basically cannot be near our infant who needs 24 hour care at his age.
The good news. A friend came over last night and took care of Baby MPB while Mr. MPB was working. I sat on the other side of the room and we chatted, and tried to help her learn how to feed Baby MPB without being able to touch anything (most frustrating thing ever). Tonight we are in the same boat as Mr. MPB has to work. My friend is going away for a long weekend, otherwise she’d absolutely be here again. I refuse to ask any of our friends with kids of their own because I cannot risk their kids getting this. So, I called my parents and actually asked for help. They live multiple hours away, but without hesitation they offered to come hang out with Baby MPB and our nanny has also volunteered to stay late tonight. I am touched and thankful that everyone is willing to help. And now that tonight is taken care of, Mr. MPB will be back full time on Friday and the weekend.
The bad news. I feel horrible. Not because I’m sick, although that doesn’t make me feel great. But, because yesterday I may have given Baby MPB this while I was taking care of him. I’m riddled with worry for his health right now. And because I cannot go near Baby MPB. All week it has broken my heart to hear him cry in the middle of the night and not be able to go to him (Mr. MPB goes to him, it’s not like he’s left to cry at this age). I want to hold my son. I want to feed him and comfort him. I want to play with him. I want to smell the cute baby smell. Heck, I even want to change his diapers which definitely do not smell cute. He’s right here and yet I miss him!!
But, I’ll continue to keep my distance from Baby MPB. I have to for his sake.
So, here’s to hoping the antibiotics do the trick and do it quickly!!
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.