I am pretty sure I should write a New Year post – something along the lines of so long 2017 and hello 2018. I’ll get there, eventually, but not today. Today I am simply not in a reflective or optimistic state of mind.
So, instead, I’m going to lay my mommy heart bare for the world to see.
You see, for about a month now I’ve been feeling like a rather crappy mom. My energy low. My patience has been thin, at best. If I’m not working, I’m just surviving – scratch that, I really am just surviving both in work and in my personal life..
We knew November/December was going to be tough as we balanced too many commitments. We survived. Things were tolerable, heck, we even had some good moments.
But while the crazy was happening, somehow Little MPB developed a massive attachment to Mr. MPB. As in, he never wanted me, for anything. He wanted Mr. MPB to read to him, to play with him, to tickle him, to eat dinner with him, etc. Any attempts I made to be involved in any activities outside of bedtime, resulted in Little MPB saying No Mommy, while most often literally pushing me away. So, while Mr. MPB took on the role of do-everything-fun-with-toddler, I took on the role of do-everything-not-fun-in-the-house. I cooked (which I rarely do). I cleaned. I did laundry (which is normal). I did all the grocery shopping, including all the Christmas meal shopping and last minute Christmas gift buying. I did all the Christmas present wrapping. Basically, in order for Mr. MPB to do all the fun things, I did all the not fun thing. Throw in a vasectomy a few days before Christmas and I literally kept the house running for a few days with a toddler who wanted nothing to do with me while Mr. MPB was on mandatory couch rest and could not be a toddler jungle-gym.
Sure, Mr. MPB tried to include me when he could, but Little MPB simply wanted his Daddy and not me. For lack of a better expression, I was caste aside.
And at times Mr. MPB was super annoyed that I wasn’t more involved during play times – as if I didn’t want to be or something. While I’m sure he’d disagree with that statement, that’s how it felt to me. Which meant it also felt like Mr. MPB was annoyed that Little MPB is fully and completely in-love with him – yup, I definitely got a bit jealous and resentful and eventually stopped really trying to hide it. So, I’m pretty sure I’ve been less then fun to live with while I’ve been playing the role of do-everything-not-fun-in-the-house.
And then, we got the bright idea to try potty training Little MPB over the new years long weekend when we were stuck inside for multiple consecutive days due to multi-day extreme cold warning (-30C, and -42C with windchill). (Potty training deserves an entire post (or two or three) on it’s own – coming soon). I simply didn’t have the patience required, I checked out of the process and was ready to give up before day 1 was even done. Heck, I think on Instagram my comment to a few others was along the lines of don’t even bother, just send them to college in diapers and I was only half joking. I have been the worst participant in our potty training experience thus far – Mr. MPB is far more patient then I am (as per the norm), and even Little MPB is doing better then me. And since I was failing miserably at potty training, literal sh*t picker-upper was added to my list of do-everything-not-fun-in-the-house.
Needless to say, the last few days have essentially kicked me when I was already down.
And so today, I feel rather craptastic about everything, but mostly I feel like the world’s worst mom.
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