Permanent Birth Control: Decision Made

Well, we made a decision, as a couple, regarding permanent birth control.  (Before I dive into it, I want to take a quick moment to thank everyone who provided their words of encouragement and advice when I first brought this up last month – your support and your advice was and is always so appreciated).

Mr. MPB is getting a vasectomy.  In fact, he is getting it today.

How does Mr. MPB feel about it?  I’m not sure he’s excited for the actual procedure, but let’s be honest, what sane person would be?  But, while I hate speaking for Mr. MPB, I feel comfortable saying that he is 110% okay with having the procedure.  No matter how many times I’ve asked him if he’s sure, he always says yes.  If I pester him with questions about more kids in the future, he is adamant that we are definitely not going to try to have another kid the old fashioned way, so who cares? If I suggest tubal ligation instead, he simply says No, it’s stupid and doesn’t make sense.  If I pester him about if I die and he meets someone else, he says, I don’t need more kids, because I have Little MPB.  He’s all I ever need.

As for me?  I’m not 100% convinced getting a vasectomy 3 days before Christmas is the best scheduling, but apparently no-one else wants the date (surprise, surprise) so he took it instead of waiting a few more months. I 100% agree that we are not going to be having a child the old fashioned way – that ship has long sailed for us, and I have no desire to ever be try again.  And, I actually fully believe Mr. MPB when he says Little MPB is all he needs and wants.  Mr. MPB is 100% okay with having 1 child, more so then me.  I also realize rationally that tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery then a vasectomy and not something either of us want to deal with.  We also both know that because my body generally hates all medical intervention so something is bound to go wrong with the tubal ligation surgery if I were to have it.  And so, by all accounts a vasectomy just makes sense.

But it’s never that simple, is it?

Truthfully, I’m struggling with the fact that my body essentially killed 5 babies.  My body caused our recurrent pregnancy loss, my body should be the one who goes through the permanent birth control.

I still carry so much guilt for the 5 babies we lost.

And, I look at Mr. MPB having a vasectomy as something he shouldn’t have to go through because of me.

And, no matter what happens in life, I’m never going to have a child the traditional way (which also happens to be drastically easier when the parts are all working properly). Mr. MPB technically could with someone else if something happened to me.  How is it fair that my body’s problems are also taking away a potential future option for him?

Again, so much guilt.

But alas, the decision has been made.  And I will continue on trying to learn how to cope with the guilt I feel.

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21 Comments on “Permanent Birth Control: Decision Made

  1. I hope everything goes well. My husband got a vasectomy before we ever started dating because he was a single dad of two. And he felt guilty that he cannot give me a baby. I felt like I could go out and have a baby with someone else without having to go through procedures. Once we went through IVF we found out that even without his vasectomy I struggle with infertility. if it helps mr. Mpb at all red was back to work 3 days after his vasectomy within 2 weeks he felt normal again. Good luck

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Guilt can be crippling and you just don’t know when it’ll flair up. I also struggle with that guilt and it’s an awful feeling. I wish I had some suggestions to make it go away but alas, I do not. Please know you are in my thoughts.

    I hope the surgery goes well and Mr. MPB is feeling better quickly! Sending love.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, I hear you so much on this one. Every rational reason in the world can tell you and Mr. MPB that this is the right decision for you as a couple… but there will always be the guilt and the “what-ifs.” It sucks to see your partner go through pain (but… remember all the pain he’s watched you dealing with during your reproductive lives). It sucks to see a potential future option taken away from your partner (but… remember that for the two of you it was never even really an option, and that the odds of him ever wanting to use that option are really, really low, by his own admission!). Generally, decisions about birth control suck, because there is literally no perfect option, and with every option there are negative aspects. You guys have made the least-sucky choice for you as a couple, and I hope that you are able to come to terms with your guilt. I would feel exactly the same way.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I think the key to remember here is that: HE is choosing this. Not you. You may have participated in the discussion, you may have even nudged him towards it…but the final decision is and will be his alone. (I think it’s fair to say NO man would allow someone near his man-land with a scalpel unless HE was choosing that).

    You have been through so much. I know you feel like your body has failed you, and killed those babies (I totally hear you on this) but that’s NOT true and I doubt he sees it that way… maybe it’s his way of taking some of the burden off you. You’ve been through enough, more than any one should.

    I hope this vasectomy gives you both peace of mind, and that his recovery goes well!

    Liked by 1 person

      • Empathy and all to men for what they go through…but for reals… we have speculums, cervical clamps, needles, sucky things, dildo cams and a variety of other things shoved in our woman-land and we’re lucky if we get slippers to warm our feet through it. Men have ONE little scalpel cut, and they need to have it downgraded because of how scary it is.

        Liked by 1 person

      • The most perfect and brilliant comment ever. 🙂
        P.S. the sucky thing is the worst thing in the world!! I still remember that one as clear as day – I almost passed out. Oh, and of course, we do basically all of our stuff drug free. F@$! infertility!! (sorry side rant).

        Liked by 1 person

      • Right? I’ll never forget my HSG – no pain meds needed, we’ll just shoot boiling lava through your fallopians and expect you to smile all the way through. And yes, sucky thing is HORRID. Worst pain ever!

        Like

  5. What a tough decision! I hope everything went smoothly and he feels better soon!

    Like

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