Permanent Birth Control: Decision Made
Well, we made a decision, as a couple, regarding permanent birth control. (Before I dive into it, I want to take a quick moment to thank everyone who provided their words of encouragement and advice when I first brought this up last month – your support and your advice was and is always so appreciated).
Mr. MPB is getting a vasectomy. In fact, he is getting it today.
How does Mr. MPB feel about it? I’m not sure he’s excited for the actual procedure, but let’s be honest, what sane person would be? But, while I hate speaking for Mr. MPB, I feel comfortable saying that he is 110% okay with having the procedure. No matter how many times I’ve asked him if he’s sure, he always says yes. If I pester him with questions about more kids in the future, he is adamant that we are definitely not going to try to have another kid the old fashioned way, so who cares? If I suggest tubal ligation instead, he simply says No, it’s stupid and doesn’t make sense. If I pester him about if I die and he meets someone else, he says, I don’t need more kids, because I have Little MPB. He’s all I ever need.
As for me? I’m not 100% convinced getting a vasectomy 3 days before Christmas is the best scheduling, but apparently no-one else wants the date (surprise, surprise) so he took it instead of waiting a few more months. I 100% agree that we are not going to be having a child the old fashioned way – that ship has long sailed for us, and I have no desire to ever be try again. And, I actually fully believe Mr. MPB when he says Little MPB is all he needs and wants. Mr. MPB is 100% okay with having 1 child, more so then me. I also realize rationally that tubal ligation is a much bigger surgery then a vasectomy and not something either of us want to deal with. We also both know that because my body generally hates all medical intervention so something is bound to go wrong with the tubal ligation surgery if I were to have it. And so, by all accounts a vasectomy just makes sense.
But it’s never that simple, is it?
Truthfully, I’m struggling with the fact that my body essentially killed 5 babies. My body caused our recurrent pregnancy loss, my body should be the one who goes through the permanent birth control.
I still carry so much guilt for the 5 babies we lost.
And, I look at Mr. MPB having a vasectomy as something he shouldn’t have to go through because of me.
And, no matter what happens in life, I’m never going to have a child the traditional way (which also happens to be drastically easier when the parts are all working properly). Mr. MPB technically could with someone else if something happened to me. How is it fair that my body’s problems are also taking away a potential future option for him?
Again, so much guilt.
But alas, the decision has been made. And I will continue on trying to learn how to cope with the guilt I feel.
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