How NOT To Celebrate An Anniversary
Mr. MPB and I recently celebrated our wedding anniversary. Over the last few years we’ve made it a tradition to go see the newest Star Wars release – Mr. MPB loves Star Wars and I find it entertaining enough, so it works for us. But, this year was different enough that it deserves a list detailing how to accomplish such an amazing anniversary night out:
- Plan an anniversary date – dinner and a movie.
- Pick the expensive restaurant close to the movie theater so that you can have a few glasses of wine and walk between locations. Safety first, of course!
- Pick your ideal date night and text all the potential babysitters and determine that the ideal night is not an option.
- Settle on any day that a babysitter can actually work. Forget a weekend, just take ANY date that they are available. Thus, celebrate on a Tuesday evening.
- Change your dinner reservations and book movie tickets.
- Ensure you child gets sick in the lead up to said anniversary date, and make sure you get lots of snuggles with the sick kid, so that both adults can be sick for the anniversary date.
- Spend date day half asleep at your desk, moaning in agony because apparently this head cold is deathly.
- Text husband and confirm he still wants to go on the date, since you are both near deaths door. He’s determined to see Star Wars, so you go.
- Ensure a snowstorm starts hours before you expect to leave the house. Text babysitter and ask her to leave early so that you can also leave early to actually make your dinner reservation.
- Babysitter arrives late so you miss dinner reservations. Tell yourself it doesn’t matter because you probably wouldn’t have ordered wine because it cannot be good to mix wine with all the cold medication running through your body. And you probably wouldn’t have ordered the expensive prime rib you’ve been dreaming of for the last week because there’s no point on ordering an expensive meal when you cannot taste it. Really, you just missed out on soup and warm tea with a side of Kleenex.
- While waiting for babysitter, get a call from the bank informing you of suspected fradulant activity on your account.
- Once babysitter arrives, continue talking to the bank to deal with confirmed fraud and have husband drive super slowly to restaurant to try to get a seat at the bar to eat an appetizer.
- Arrive at restaurant. Scarf down an appitizer in record time.
- Get to movie with lots of Kleenex in your pockets with your stress level through the roof.
- Attempt to enjoy movie between sniffles and coughing fits.
- Drive home in horrible conditions, thank the babysitter and offer her the guest room for the night because the roads are so bad. When she declines, chase her out the door so that you can make neocitron and go straight to bed.
- Crawl into bed while saying a silent prayer that your kid sleeps through the night because it is way past your bed time!
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