So What’s Really Going On Between Mr. MPB and I?

First, let me state that Mr. MPB caved on day 4 of the silent treatment and started talking me again.  Since I’m a talker, the silent treatment just slowly kills me.  We still have not a “real” discussion about the situation, but I’ll take what I can get at the moment.

Honestly, I think I know what the root of our recent problems are, or at least I know what I think the root of the problems are from my perspective.  And I’ve decided to sort through my side of it all, here in blog land.  Maybe, not my best decision since Mr. MPB tends to read this.  But I figure that I need to sort out what going on in my brain, because I know at some point we will talk about all of this, because that’s just what we do.  Which is a bit ironic, since I think this current lack of talking is actually the result of a few months of not talking enough about the things that really matter.

.

Honestly, I think it all started shortly after we got home from our Iceland trip.  We had an argument about my blog.  It was a weird argument in that he didn’t like a draft of something I had written about our trip, and he thought I should change it.  But he couldn’t give me any constructive advice on how to change it.  I have no problem with constructive criticism, but I don’t take well to plain old criticism.  Anyways, he finally gave me some constructive advice, but he also stopped reading my blog because apparently he didn’t like how bothered I was by his opinion.  Now, he’s read every single word I’ve ever written on here.  That’s not a small feat because as of today I’ve written 926 post!  Plain and simple, I was incredibly hurt that he stopped reading.  And his lack of reading also meant we stopped discussing what I was writing about, and what others were commenting on.  This blog has become part of our daily lives, and I felt so hurt that he didn’t want to be part of that.  Anyways, eventually he started reading again, but the hurt has lingered.

And then, the night I was really sick, the night I went to the hospital, he was uncharacteristically unsupportive. I suggested early in the evening that I think I needed to go to the hospital because I felt so incredibly ill.  And from my perspective, even though I’d voiced just how sick I was, he couldn’t even be bothered to check on my from time to time.  In fact, I had to send him texts asking for water since I couldn’t physically get myself off the bathroom floor.  In that moment it just didn’t feel like I had the caring and compassionate husband I’m used to.  And then throughout not eating much for the next month, I struggled with even the basic of daily chores.  I clearly wasn’t doing my part around the house (which I can only assume annoyed Mr. MPB, and rightfully so).  Yet, I know I kept trying my absolute best – I made meals for him and little MPB even though I couldn’t eat them, I did all the laundry, I tried to keep the house clean, I continued to work full time to pay the bills, etc.  It wasn’t perfect but I was trying, and yet I don’t think it was ever acknowledged or even appreciated just how hard I was trying.

And so, I think as a result of these things combined with my pure exhaustion, I stopped communicating my needs and wants. For better or worse, I didn’t feel like he’d really been there for me on a few major things so I started to withdraw (which is something I am known to do when I’m upset, which isn’t a good thing, but it is what it is).  And so I stopped talking about the important stuff and somewhere along the line I felt like we just weren’t in sync like we normally are.  It was as though we were dancing to different rhythms.  And that’s never a good thing, as least as far as I can tell.

And then all the sudden we started talking on our drive last week and I tried to say all of this.  But instead I was just a big giant jerk, which clearly got us no-where.

So, I guess, what I’m trying to say, is that I think a few months of dancing to different rhythms just caught up to us.  And, while things suck right now, I know that this is all probably necessary to force us to find the same tune again.

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17 Comments on “So What’s Really Going On Between Mr. MPB and I?

  1. My husband and I are going through the same right now. Is there something in the water?! I am frustrated because I feel that I am the only one who cleans and does chores around the house and all he has done is complain about my older kids (he is the step father) not picking up their mess but he not picking up his mess. A lot is building inside and have built a wall and just am unhappy. I need to take the wall down and communicate!

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    • Isn’t it the worst?? I do think we all go through these times, and the key is to work through them and get back onto the same page. I we are both able to take down the walls and communicate better asap. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I hate being out of sync with Michael. And this blog post is very similar to the way our conflicts go as well, although he has never consistently read my blog. I tried to encourage him to do so, but he doesn’t really read blogs, to begin with. He’s more of a forum guy. He does follow me on Instagram and likes a lot of my photos, so that’s a start. And I talked to him about all my bloggy friends, so he basically knows what’s up.
    But the way you guys deteriorated is almost verbatim how it happens with us. Normally, my guy is super supportive, caring, loving, but when he is stressed out about something or distracted by something in his life, he can not realize how distant we are becoming. And then our communication is off. I want to fix it immediately every time because I’m almost addicted to how in sync we can be. But usually, it is just a matter of pushing through it until we link back up again. He has taught me a lot about letting go in our marriage, but I still have a lot left to learn!

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  3. I feel like you just described some of the most common issues that arise in a marriage with a young little one- especially two working parents. Life is overwhelming and exhausting and both parents feel so over worked and under appreciated. And honestly they both probably are. As a mainly stay at home (small side business) our roles are so much more defined which makes it a bit easier for us. I admire couples that can navigate both working and caring for the home and baby. I wish I had a quick fix but alas I don’t. Certainly communication is key and also being the first person to make a loving gesture. To swallow pride and let the other person know they are appreciated and you see how much they do. I have found it usually starts a more loving dialogue and it doesn’t really matter who made the first move. Just that someone did. Sending my love.

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  4. I’m glad to hear that you are at least speaking to each other again. Hoping that continues and you are both able to clear the air.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. When you said, “this current lack of talking is actually the result of a few months of not talking enough about the things that really matter,” I nodded so hard, my neck hurts! This happens to me and my husband periodically. Neither of us is very good at communicating, so we both bottle things up and guess (mostly incorrectly) as to the motivations and feelings of the other, which leads to more anger and not talking. Until one or both of us blows up and we’re finally forced to talk about it. Anyway, you are doing a great job!

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  6. I Hope this writing helps you guys through a little of the rough seas of marriage communication!! Thanks for sharing…

    I find that for me writing on my blog about what’s going through my head helps me and my hubby’s communication. He sometimes gets wind of nuggets of feelings he hadn’t cottoned on to…either because I’m crap at telling him or he has misinterpreted my words.

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  7. Sounds like growing pains. Every relationship hits a bump in the road and many throughout the years. Where each spouse is on different pages. It’s tough and I’m sorry you two have hit this rough patch.
    Just continue to be open to communication.
    And maybe a date night out could help. If possible. Time to just be you two.
    I hope things continue to improve for you both.

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  8. Youve recognised your issues and where you were at fault and he will do the same im sure.

    Long term relationships go through times like this. Everyone thinks that once youve been in a relationship for a long time, it just ‘works’ but i think it means working harder as it can be so easy to fall into a slump.

    On tbe flip side, long term means you know each other well enough to know how to really talk to each other (eventually) and have those hard conversations.

    You will get there. Thats love. Thats why you are still together

    Thinking of you in the mean time though

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  9. ❤️ What you are describing is what we went through when I was pregnant with Bryson. It’s what drove me to go to couples counseling ALONE. 😂 (I’m not suggesting counseling!). I can tell you with certainty that you will get through this and see better days. The key to this is that you’re aware of how you got here, and you’re actively trying to fix it. As my dad would tell me, keep on keeping on and it will get better.

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  10. These things are so hard and being ill can really throw a curveball. I hope things get worked out soon. Relationships are hard work but so worth it!

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  11. I just said to my husband the other night “the biggest issue in our marriage is communication”. For years and years we have struggled with this. I’m a talker, he’s not. It gets so darn frustrating at times!

    It appears this is very common unfortunately!

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  12. The two of you are in my prayers. Be alert and watchful ! It is never a good thing when men start acting differently and withdrawing from you. The two of you need to talk NOW and if you can not come together, counseling may be a good alternative. Things can go from sugar to shyt really quickly if not addressed. Try to remember what made you two fall in love to begin with. At the end of the day, love is all that matters and your baby needs you both… together… whole… happy !

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  13. I see a lot of us are nodding right along with you. Although J never reads my blog which is actually fine with me. It’s kind of my little space to vent or rejoice. He does hear all about you all though, lol. I hope now that you’ve started to talk again, you’ll be able to iron all this out. It’s so hard when you’ve been so sick. Our saving grace is that I work from home and kind of have to keep the house decent so D.C. Parents don’t up and quit on me, lol. Keeping you all in my thoughts!

    Liked by 1 person

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