And Her Name Is…
Her name has been chosen. And I’m relieved to say that it does not include any part of my mother’s name. Nor does it randomly include the name of our little girl, a name that we have not shared with anyone.
In fact, her name is nothing I/we would have ever chosen.
It is a perfectly lovely name.
When I read her name, I wont lie, I felt like I could breath again.
Her name has no upsetting connotations. Thankfully.
And I’m still bitter. I’m not bitter at this little girl, I’m bitter at my emotional response being all about me.
I’m annoyed that this stuff is so hard. And I’m deeply annoyed because I think it always will be. I have no doubt that if they have another girl one day I’ll go through all of this again.
And that’s crap.
And more then anything, this is not the person I want to be.
I’m bitter that I am this person. I’m bitter that I am unable to let go of these emotions and just come a place of acceptance/peace with what we went through. I’m bitter that I doubt I’ll ever come to a place of acceptance and peace. I just don’t think I have that in me.
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