Self Reflection on Being Told I’m a Bad Mother

When someone calls you a bad mother, no matter who that person is and even if they are equivalent to an internet troll, it’s not something you just brush off.  At least not for me.

Let me be clear, this comment came from a very mean person in the blogging world, not someone who knows me in real life.  And honestly, it hasn’t gotten me down.  I’m not depressed or upset. But, I have found myself thinking a lot about this comment this weekend. 

I have said before and will say again, I’m not perfect.  Truthfully, I don’t feel as though I have strong maternal instincts.  And, some of this mommy stuff is taking a lot of work as it doesn’t all come naturally to me.

But, if I’m truly fair in my reflection, I also know that I’m doing every single thing possible to give my son the life he deserves.  And, I know that for the rest of my life I will do everything in my power to support and love him. And, no matter how I look at it, I know I am a decent mother because of simple things like:

  • Account for mental health concerns in my parenting and life decisions
  • Attempt to balance working and parenting in part as an effort to teach my son the value of hard work and dedication and in part to ensure we can provide him with the lifestyle he deserves.
  • Play with my son in ways that encourage his physical and mental development.  We read, we play tummy time, we sing (poorly), we go for walks, we go to the zoo, we practice rolling over, we go for hikes, we play with friends, etc.
  • Make educated choices on what to feed my son.
  • Ensure he is always well fed, clothed and safe.
  • Will always respect and love his roots.
  • Ensure to the very best of my ability for safe interactions between baby and dog.
  • Try to take care of myself in order to be the best mom I can be.
  • Love my son unconditionally.

I guess, what I’m saying is that I know I’m not the perfect mother, but I also know I’m not a bad mother.

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27 Comments on “Self Reflection on Being Told I’m a Bad Mother

  1. Good for you! I will validate your parenting decisions to the ends of the Earth, because I think you’ve done an outrageously spectacular job of parenting all of your children, particularly Baby MPB!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are not a bad mother. Anyone who equates “only a good mother if you are” with “barefoot at home always tending to the baby and cleaning and cooking meals for her husband and never working a day in her life and oh also MUST BE breastfeeding REGARDLESS of how the child came to be or the effects on mother AND baby” can seriously go fuck themselves.

    Note: above description is not of a bad mother, either. 🙂 AND THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT. There is no right way to parent. 💜

    Liked by 2 people

  3. You’ve go to hell and back to become a mom, you’ve done everything in your power to give him a safe, happy, loving home. Anyone who doesn’t realize or recognize this needs help.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Your son is such a lucky boy to have a mother who cares so much about him, his well being and his development. And it is so great the relationship to his birth mother and his roots that you have for him. I can tell that everything that you do, every decision that you make is with his best interests in mind. That is a great mother. YOU are a great mother.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Really MPB, you dont need to validate to anyone your parenting skills.
    Most days my kids have bathed, followed a routine wrt to food, naps, play and are happy.
    And then there are some days when I just want for even a few hours my freedom. Does that make me a bad mom? No. Makes me human.
    Similarly most days baby MPB will be fine and on some days you will mess up and you will still be a great mom.
    Remember happy mommy, happy baby.
    Parenting is not something we cN follow from any book, its instinct and highly cultural too.
    Dont let one troll make you want to justify yourself.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. People are awful. If you’re loving and doing everything in your power to grow/raise/develop that little person, you’re slaying motherhood.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. No body deserves to be trolled on! First off how you parent is up to you and your doing great! Second, this is your personal blog and the place for you to talk freely and get your thoughts out there! And they don’t have to be perfect but this should be a safe place to express yourself about everything and anything that you want!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. This crazy, hyper, histrionic, losing-all-grip-on-reality emphasis in the blog world on the choices you make when your child is timy drives me insane. My father is the best – I credit him with teaching me how to function at school and in the business world; and, by extension, with having money to buy my home, travel, contribute to animal rescue, etc. However, he was BALLS as a parent to a little kid. It just wasn’t his thing. He had NO idea what kids under 10 wanted or needed. My Mom did, my grandparents did, and so on. Maybe you can’t/won’t/don’t want to (whatever!) breastfeed. And just maybe that’s not “being a good mother”….but maybe you’ll be the best soccer mom and baby MPB will remember you at every game and will be launched into the world more confident and rooted. He’ll never likely remember, ask, or care if you breastfed or took the first year of his life off. I guarantee what is going to matter is the day by day way he felt with you and Mr MPB. Did you guys laugh? Was there family time? Did you take an interest in him. I feel like this doesn’t get the time on the blogs nearly as much as “what carrier should I use” or “how can I increase supply”…i.e. all the sh%t an adult child looking back will NEVER care about.

    Rant over. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  9. I always try to tell myself that my constant concern for whether or not I’m being a good mother and the best mother I can be is the #1 indicator that I am, in fact, a good one. We millenial mommas hold ourselves to IMPOSSIBLE standards. In reality we are kicking ass and taking names! There’s a reason you were chosen to be that child’s mother.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I don’t think anyone is “the perfect parent.” As long as you are doing the very best to make sure Baby MPB is happy and healthy that’s all you can do.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I don’t think there’s such a thing as a perfect mom, or dad, or anything. We all have our own ways of doing things, and one way isn’t necessarily better than the other (unless one hurts someone, then that’s just not cool!) Once you become a parent, I think you just need to take everything everyone says to you with a grain of salt. I know easier said than done sometimes, but try not to let things get to you too much. I think you’re doing a fabulous job!!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I’ve been so bothered by those comments. Although not directed at me, it also got me thinking a lot. And I have been thinking about you, and how cruel and hurtful her words were. And I really feel bad for her. But you, you’re so much better as a human being and as a parent. I guarantee it. Nobody’s perfect, we’re all just loving our babies the best we know how, and growing in love and experiences every day (hopefully!). 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I think there was something very strange about that person. I am not sure whether they were just trying to cause issues or whether they actually believed the cruel things they were saying. Either way their behaviour was completely inappropriate. There is a difference between having an opinion and being deliberately hurtful.
    I would define a ‘good’ parent as someone who is always working towards what is best for their child and making the decision of what is best based on their own personal beliefs and morals as well as educating themselves with reliable resources that are based on actual studies and/or professional opinions.
    There is no such thing as the perfect parent, but that doesn’t mean that we will ever stop trying to be hahaha.
    I think you are amazing and also very brave to share your decisions here. I hope this troll has not made you feel you should stop that.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. What Village idiot said such a horrific thing? I think you are amazing mother and the love you have for your baby shines through in every post about him. Seems as if someone is just jealous and trying to bring you down and my response to that person if a big EFF U !

    Keep loving and caring for your son. No child comes with an instruction manual and we will all learn as we go. That’s what makes this journey so much fun!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m glad that horrible woman didn’t make you doubt yourself as a Mom. You are a fantastic Mom who loves her son so much that you went beyond what others might do to have him in your life. You should be proud of yourself and all you do!

    Like

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