Strangest Moment of my Life

  Posted on January 27, 2016 By

 32 Comments

Since we decided to pursue our family via adoption, I’ve realized the strangest moment of my life will be the day I walk out of the hospital with someone else’s child.

Throughout life we are taught not to take things that aren’t ours. As young children we are all taught not to go with someone we don’t know, which also means not to take someone that isn’t ours. Kidnapping is generally frowned upon by all.

So, I’ve decided that walking out of the hospital with a baby that I neither took part in creating nor carried in my womb for 9 months, is going to surreal. To say the least.

Clearly, via adoption we will be the parents to this child and walking out of the hospital together as a family is exactly how it should work. No kidnapping will be occurring.

Yet, I’ve decided it’s not going to feel right. In fact, I’m 100% convinced that it won’t feel right.  And yet, it might also feel completely right in the moment, I just don’t know yet.

And, I also have to acknowledge that while I’ll be walking out with my dreams coming true, another women, a mother, will be leaving with her arms empty. This is not a fact I can overlook. In fact, it’s a fact that will bind me to our future birth mom for the rest of our lives. Her selflessness and care for her child is nothing short of amazing in my mind. Her trust in us, is the highest honour I will ever receive in my life. And so, my heart will forever be linked to hers and I will forever be grateful to her. There is simply no-way to repay someone who voluntarily chooses to let you raise their child and call that child your own. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. And I can guarantee, that I will never take a moment for granted.

That said, I’m pretty sure I’m going to ruin the moment of walking out of the hospital as a family with some sort of sarcastic comment. Sarcasm is in my blood, so I know it’s going to happen. Either that, or I’ll walk out with tears streaming down my cheeks as I think about how so many lives have been forever changed.

(If I’m placing bets, I’m going with inappropriate sarcastic comment).

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 Category: Adoption, Baby      Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

32 Comments on “Strangest Moment of my Life”

  1. I can imagine how surreal that would be! As someone who left the hospital with empty arms (through surrogacy, so different dynamic), I am really touched by your acknowledgement of the birth mother’s emotions, too. I hope your relationship with her continues to grow as your child does, too!

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      • Ask her if she’d like one last snuggle with the baby right before you leave. I wish I’d had that with my first born and I didn’t. And – if you’re not leaving town right away, ask her if she’d like one final visit before you go back to Canada. That went a long way toward me feeling good about it during surrogacy #2. I got to see the baby out of the hospital (her parents dropped her off so I could have a few hours alone with her). You may not be comfortable leaving her alone with the baby but a final visit (if you’re all comfortable) might be a good idea.

        I think however you do it will be the right way. You’re clearly a very thoughtful person and you’ll know what to do in the moment! Sarcasm and all! 😉

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  2. I think you are going into this all with the perfect mindset. I, like you, would probably say something sarcastic but would probably have the tears at the same time. Such an exciting time filled with so many different emotions for everyone involved.

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  3. Each time I see an update from you my heart jumps for what it might be! I’m sure the big day will be one of awe – you may not have any words at all, just a big smile and an even bigger heart 😄 xxx

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  4. I think it will be tears…I know if this day ever happens for us, I’ll be a puddle of tears. Of course, I usually lose any bets I place so it’s probably in your favor of sarcasm, lol. I cannot wait to hear about this day for you. I know I haven’t been posting much, there’s a lot I can’t talk about right now, but know that I think of you every day and read your posts within a day or two. I am on the edge of my seat over here waiting to hear that you’re on your way to meet your baby. Love you, Friend!

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  5. Something tells me you are going to be walkingg out of that hospital with your baby all weepy and emotional and not at all sarcastic. Yes, i agree reg the selflessness of the birth mom. I am home with my baby and I dont even like it when others hold my kids to cuddle them, so for someone to allow another person to call themselves parents of ttheir child and acknowledging that their parenting will be inadequate for the child is monumental. Takes a lot of love and selflessness.
    I am so proud of you that in your joy, you are takig a moment to acknowledge the raw pain another woman is going to undergo to give you that eternal joy.

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  6. I think really, until you’re in the moment, it’s hard to say how you will really react. And honestly, you’ll be walking out with your baby AND your hubby…who already knows you are sarcastic and is going through the same strange, incredible process with you. I don’t think it will surprise him at all if you either cry uncontrollably, or say something sarcastic, or both. You may even surprise yourself with how it all really goes 🙂

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  7. You won’t be walking out with someone else’s child, you will be walking out with YOUR child. Even though she played a critical role in conceiving and birthing the baby, the baby is yours, and you are his mom. I’m sure it will take time for that to sink in. And, the reality of her empty arms is difficult, but also so, so loving.

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  9. This baby is yours, who is made by god (through his mother)!. You are able to think like this because you have a beautiful and big heart. All the struggles in my journey made me a strong person who believes in “Never take anything for granted”!. You are awesome!.

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  12. You are dealing with all of this so well — you’re being honest and open about your feelings, including the difficulties and contradictions inherent in adoption. You’re going to be such a wonderful mother to your baby, and you’re already doing such an amazing job at making sure your family’s relationship with the birth mother is healthy.

    And if it makes you feel less weird… I think leaving the hospital with a healthy child is going to be strange no matter what — even my friends who had uneventful first pregnancies of the “and then nine months later, a baby!” sort say that it was one of the weirdest moments of their lives. I’m sure some of them have made sarcastic comments and have just never told anyone. 🙂

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  14. Let me tell you something reassuring…you feel like a fraud even when you walk out with a baby you grew in your own body! Seriously! It is just so weird and surreal. I honestly couldn’t believe they were letting me take this tiny human home that I really had no idea how to care for (or so it felt like). And ever time I referred to myself as mummy it felt so wrong! It grows on you, being a mum. You feel more mummy and less fraudulent as time passes. You got this xxx

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    • Agreed!!! Definitely a surreal moment. Like when Miranda had her baby in sex and the city. “It so weird. It’s like suddenly there’s a giraffe in the room”. I can imagine this will be even more surreal than that!

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    • This is 100% true! When we got home with Matthew and put him in his bouncy seat on the floor, I said to Brian, “we have a baby in our house. A baby who lives here. This is weird.”. In that moment, that split moment, he felt like someone else’s baby!

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  15. This made me smile for several reasons. 1. The sarcasm – you and I would get along really well.

    2. It is surreal and there is no denying that. Having had my own moment where we went to a home, loaded up baby and came back to our house and became a family. There was no big gathering, balloons, no celebration. It was just done and that was it.

    3. The moment you hold your baby will be the moment you never consider her anyone else’s but yours and I smile for you because I know you will feel this and always remember it. Bumbi was 4 months old when we took custody and up until then someone else had called herself her mom. But she was always meant to be mine and I truly feel that to my core. It is an amazing act of selflessness to put your child’s needs above your own and give them a life with other parents because they will be better for it. But on the same note, you were meant to be a mom and it was always the plan that you would be this child’s mom. So this child is very much yours.

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  18. You’re going to walk out of that hospital totally amazed, sarcastic comments or not! But I can imagine how strange it will feel to imagine what it’s like for the person who carried him or her in her womb. It’s going to be strange, but then such a miracle. Sometimes I think about this with out donor – Gia isn’t related to me but she is related to a man whose married and walking around somewhere who will never know his offspring. It is so respectful of you to have this perspective.

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  19. Either that or you are going to trip (that’s what I did). I know I say it every. single. time. But I am so excited and can’t wait for the day baby MPB joins your family.

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  20. I feel differently than a lot of the gals here. Having given birth, if I was in your shoes, I would have a very hard time not thinking of baby’s first mom on the way out of the hospital. I always say it’s good we could have a second child because after having my first, we truly feel we could not have adopted a newborn in an open adoption because taking a baby that was yes, given to us, would be too hard. Because of this, I’m so very grateful for you that you’ve never given birth because I think that would be hard for you. And given your attitude and compassion in life in general, I do think you’ll be thinking of baby’s first mom as you walk out. I do think you’re going to be in tears for her. And that is ok. In fact, I think that’s good. I think you will be an adoptive parent who doesn’t “forget” all the things you said you’d never do once you have a baby in your arms. (infertiles do this too, like post pictures of their babies on FB after saying they wouldn’t do it. It took me 2 weeks to even announce that we’d been pregnant and had a baby, but then the floodgates were open and I became a “normal” parent and posted constantly. Ha!)

    You are a wonderful person and I do think your heart is going to hurt for baby’s first mom on the day he’s born, the day you leave with him, and the days ahead. You’ll think of her a lot. A LOT. And you’ll be sad for her that she’s missing so much. BUT please be happy for yourself that you are there. She chose you for a reason, and you’ll be forever glad she chose you over anyone else.

    Sarcasm is a perfectly acceptable response, but I bet you’re nothing but a mushy mess of love, sadness, happiness, and tears!

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  21. I had tears in my eyes reading this. Thinking of how wonderful and exciting this is but also thinking of how incredibly bitter sweet it is at the same time. I’m sure the day will be filled with a million different emotions. And sarcasm is always appropriate in my opinion 🙂 My husband is a detective in major crimes and to other people, our making jokes or being sarcastic about certain things he has to deal with might seem odd, but sometimes it just helps to lighten the mood and let loose from the reality of his job.

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  23. And the ridiculousness of making you leave in a wheelchair!
    15 years and two months ago I felt the exact same way. The difference was that I had loved my daughters birth mother for 13 years before that day. She was my childhood best friend and the maid of honor at my wedding. The one person I should have been celebrating with was the woman I had to leave empty handed. You’ve inspired me to write my own post about that awful beautiful day! ❤️

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