Ultrasound Fears Resurface

First, a quick note that we baby and potential birth mom are both doing well. She goes for weekly OB appointments now until baby arrives, so it was nice to get an update. I’m now find myself looking forward to our weekly update, it’s just makes me feel good to know that she wants to include us and that both her and baby are doing well.

Her doctor suspect baby will stay put for at least a few more weeks and they are talking possible induction at 39 weeks. I can barely believe that we may have a little baby in our arms in less than a month!

On another note, she’s hoping to get another ultrasound at her next appointment so that we can have pictures of Baby MPB. Truthfully I have mixed feelings about seeing an ultrasound photo of Baby MPB. The very idea makes me nervous and almost sick to my stomach – I’ve never seen a baby ultrasound that resulted in a healthy baby that came home with us. I’m worried that seeing an ultrasound will somehow jinx it and the adoption will fall through.

I know, not rational thinking at all. But hey, what can I say? 5 pregnancies, countless ultrasounds, more medical procedures then I can count, not one living baby. I’m scared of any possible jinxes right now. Truthfully, when we first received the match proposal with medical history I skipped the page with the super granny ultrasound photos, I just couldn’t look at them.

I still carry many worries and fears with me. Our miscarriages and lost babies clearly still impact me on a daily basis.

But, I’m also not about to admit this crazy way of thinking to the potential birth mom or to almost anyone in my real life. So, if she wants an ultrasound and gets an ultrasound, I’ll focus on the hope and the excitement. I’ll bury the fears and emotions for another day, as I’ve done so often in the last few years. And when she shares photos with us, I’ll suck it up and ooh and ahh. All the while I will silently hope that one day I get to snuggle that little baby for hours upon hours.

Anyways, I as I am trying to focus on hope and believe, I have to say I still cannot believe that baby could arrive any day and will in all likelihood be perfectly healthy.

And, I’m absolutely beside myself thinking that any day now I could be a real mom!

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16 Comments on “Ultrasound Fears Resurface

  1. Your fears are understandable after all you’ve been through. Good for you for focusing on the joy and the hope and promise of a baby to call your own very soon!! Hugs and prayers, the homestretch is a hard wait but good things are coming for you friend!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. When I log into my work computer every day the first thing I do is look to see if you’ve posted an update. This is just all so exciting I can barely take it, so I can’t imagine how you are feeling. But of course there is that element of fear, who could blame you for that? Boy that is going to be one lucky boy to have you for a momma!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I understand your hesitation and reservations about this and oh, my heart goes out to you, sincerely. It’s sweet that she wants to get an ultrasound so you can have a photo or photos of the baby. She sounds like a thoughtful person. It is hard to focus on the joy and excitement when fear and past experiences hang above you like a cloud. I pray all continues to go well for you, Mr. MPB, the baby and birth mom. I have a really good feeling. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I can understand your fears on this but I am praying that you absolutely will be snuggling with that baby for hours upon hours very soon! I look forward to your updates every day and just can’t even begin to express how genuinely happy I am for you and Mr. MPB. It just gives me shivers that not only is this baby receiving the blessing of having you as parents but by how much this baby is going to bless you guys. As always, sending lots of love your way!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s entirely understandable with all you’ve been through that you should be having such fears. I would imagine that so much repeated loss creates a myriad of impossibly hard associations. I think of your family regularly and although my general rule is to hope for the most benevolent outcome, I must say that for you I am hoping for nothing less than a healthy baby in your arms in the next short while. Keeping breathing – best advice I’ve heard for a laboring mama – and you, my dear, are laboring very much in your own ways right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. My first though on this is: you’re already a real mom. You have so much love inside you, and you care so deep already for that baby!

    Enjoy this precious moments, your baby will come soon and you’ll can’t believe how happy you are.

    All the luck in the world,

    Nícia ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I can completely understand why you’re scared. But… I’m so incredibly hopeful that this little boy will soon be home with you filling up your empty arms, and his dirty diapers 😁 *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  8. My goodness! Any day now?!?!! I’m so hopeful for you guys and I thin it’s wonderful she wants to share photos but I can totally understand your fears about that. So hoping the next steps help to reassure you!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Your fears are completely valid and I understand that sinking feeling every time you wait for her updates after an ultrasound. I hope that soon those feelings start to fade as you get positive updates and that you are able to enjoy this exciting time in your life. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  10. ❤ It's so hard to believe that good things are going to happen when your past history and circumstances say otherwise. I can relate completely. Even before my miscarriages, I protected myself from getting too hopeful because of my parent's divorce, and I know with the loss of your mom and sister that probably plays an even greater role in protecting yourself from more pain. I don't know if it helps at all, but I'm believing and hoping for you and I know so many other people in this community are also. So maybe, when it's hard for you to believe and to allow yourself to hope, think of all of us who are cheering for you – when it's hard to believe, we can believe for you.


  11. So close! I am so excited for you 🙂 I know the ultrasound pic scares you BUT technically you have already seen pics of this baby even though you scooted past them quickly and the adoption is still proceeding so I sense all will be fine. I am so happy you are so close to getting your baby xx

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Well you know I’m 100% with you on this one. I hate ultrasounds. Sometimes it’s just impossible to focus on the rational and let go of the fear. Of course you won’t jinx it! But I completely understand why you feel that way. I’ve never been more anxious about anything than my anatomy scan on Weds. Here’s to great ultrasounds for both of us!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I can completely understand how you are feeling. After four years of trying to get pregnant I feel like when I finally do I will keep it a secret for quite some time because I will be petrified that it will go away.
    Your fears are completely normal and understandable. If it would make you feel better perhaps you could put all of the photos, the ones you have already and those you receive from here on out and put them in a nice envelope. Then when he arrives you could pull them all out and look at his journey to meet you just as one day you will tell him your journey to finding him.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. This is all so exciting! I’m SOO behind but catching up! This fear is a legit fear. I’m glad you’re making the choice to be joyous and excited! You are such a great mommy!

    Liked by 1 person

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