Babies Are Gross

We recently spent an afternoon with friends of ours who just had their first child.  They are amazing people who very much match our personalities and so we had a great time.  (And as an added bonus hanging out with their baby didn’t bother me in the least, which is always a great feeling after dreading and avoiding so many babies for the last few years).

And, after our afternoon with them, I’ve come to realize that babies are exceptionally gross!

  • Evidently babies are pooing machines.  Great.  Maybe Mr. MPB will do all diaper changes?  (A girl can dream).
  • Boys pee everywhere.  Fun times.  Again, if we end up with a boy maybe Mr. MPB will do all diaper changes?
  • Some babies projectile vomit all the time.  I just know I am going to get covered in vomit, and this just doesn’t excite me.
  • Am I seriously supposed to suck snot out of my kids nose?  Nothing about that sounds fun for baby or me!
  • Babies either smell really good, or REALLY bad!
  • Did I mention that babies poo constantly and all over everything including their clothing and themselves?  And sometimes even their parents?  And they often look happy while doing it!  That’s just not right.

Are there any other gross baby things that I should be aware of before they happen?

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27 Comments on “Babies Are Gross

  1. Haha! This is so true. My best friend had a baby a couple months ago and every time I spend time with them I am in shock by how much the kid poops! Like 6 times a day! I wish I could be so lucky…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So much poop. Elliott puked in my husband’s beard. It was hilarious. For me anyway. They also poop in their baths sometimes. Poop/poop juice stains. It is like rubbing mustard into your clothes or theirs. What is frightening is how quickly you get used to it. And yes, little boys very are dangerous.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Drool. Don’t forget about drool. Lettie drooled so much that she constantly had to wear a bib to keep her clothes from getting soaked. Also, lots of snot. They are so gross, but you’re not going to care! After the first few days you’ll just be like, meh, whatever.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Yes the drool!!!! Chris held our friends baby for 15 minutes over thanksgiving and pretty much half of his shirt was soaked through as if he had puked down himself!!! hehe….totally worth it for the cuteness though 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  4. I got pooped on last night lol. And sadly, I didn’t even notice right away!

    Babies also drool constantly…. And when you bottle feed them, they are able to spit some of it at you. You will constantly be covered in a milk/drool/barf combo. CONSTANTLY.

    And when you go to wash it all off of them in the bath, there’s a good chance on the way there/back you will get peed on. And there’s also a chance they do their business IN the tub.

    Fun time 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • I have been quite lucky to only have been really peed on once, by each kid, the day they came home from the hospital.There may have been a couple of times on the way to or from the shower, but I feel those don’t really count. I knew the possibility. 😀 And we’ve never had a poo accident in the tub. *knock on wood*

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Haha!! trust me, the first thing I was told in the hospital on discharge was to look at the colour of my babies poo closely. I was like whaaaat.. 🙂 And count the poopy and pee diapers religiously. Seriously.. who does that!!

    A new born poop is the worst, its tar like, sticky, black and takes forever to wipe off the babies bum. As long as the baby is solely on formula or milk, you are also going to smell like milk gone spoilt (something about the umpteen spit ups that happen). At least those baby poops are not smelly, but you start them on adult food, and their poop smells like adults!! And then, the burps.. you are to be happy when the baby burps… not something adults enjoy – burping out loud..

    My son has peed all over me when I change his diaper, sometimes luckily escaping my face. I’ve spent countless hours wiping the walls off pee. And those poop stains are hard to come off! Buy multiple changing table covers. 🙂 Welcome mama.. now u know why I was laughing on your “I will never post” :))

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  6. Lol yeah and the funny part is that as soon as it’s your own life, the gross factor totally disappears! It did for me at least. You start to block out the odours… Or maybe you just end up smelling that bad so it becomes your new normal. Either way…gross to others more than to you!

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Haha!!! Just wait until you can accurately describe baby’s poo color and texture! We went to a dinner the other night and the first course was butternut squash soup. The exact same color of my dc baby’s poo. I did try a couple of bites but turns out, I’m not a squash fan. I promise, you get used to it and eventually, it doesn’t even phase you!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. As of 9:30 AM this morning as I post this both babies have puked all over me and my son has peed on me. I do not put real clothes on til I’m minutes from walking out the door, usually after I’ve already strapped them in to their car seats so they can’t surprise me on the way in to the car seats. And word to the wise, if you think they’re done pooping wait 5 more minutes if it’s not already coming out the diaper because they like to give it a few more pushes if you try to change too soon and then you get to see poop coming out of a tiny humans butthole and there’s no coming back from that.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Oh yes, babies do have a lot of fluids coming out of them at all times! Can’t forget snot and the good ‘ole Nose Frida you’ll use when baby is all stuffed up. The day you suck up snot from a tube is really something “special”

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Snot, drool, poop, pee, barf… these are my new lotions and perfumes it seems. There is hardly a time that I’m not wearing some combo of these secretions. 😉 You get used to it almost immediately and stop even noticing really. But yeah, babies are adorable, gross little people.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Gianna and I both love the snot sucker. Haha, but the thought of using it on someone else’s baby oogs me out!! 😛 there’s the poo, the pee, the drool…. and there there’s that inevitable day where your baby grabs a handful of x, y, z and smears it… on them, on you…. the vomit… that you will occasionally catch with your bare hands. The constant ring of grime around their neck folds. The sour milk smell. And then they get baths, and they are fresh and clean for about 20 minutes until they poop again because the warm water loosened everything up. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  12. The best thing about all this is when it is your baby you just don’t care! Eric went on and on about how gross all the poo would be when I was preggers but when our little Monkey came he was beside himself with adoration and didn’t care! He did a lot of solo diaper changes. He rocks as a dad 🙂 I’m sure you guys will kill it too!

    Liked by 2 people

  13. lmao this had me cracking up! I have 12 nephews and nieces and my 2 stepsons I have raised one since he was an infant and one other thing that you gotta watch for is when they start holding the bottle themselves and the squeeze the nipple and milk goes everywhere including to the back of their neck and behind the cushions in the carseat and a few days later you catch them playing with carseat cottage cheese! Grossest thing ever

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Objectively they are gross… but you won’t mind a bit. It’ll be one big love fest, no matter what bodily fluid you have to put up with. I personally love baby drool :-))

    Liked by 2 people

  15. So funny! I honestly have thrown some pants out because the poops were more than I could handle. They are also sticky little things especially once food is introduced.

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  16. Ha. I feel like every other baby except your own is gross. If it is your own it is either funny or cute. With the exception of maybe vomit :). Xo

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  17. Hahaha, yes, babies are very cutely gross! And I don’t care how many people told me that once they were my own, I wouldn’t mind. I still hate baby puke (spit up). Ugh!!! However, it is better than real vomit any day. BUT, when it is your own kid, you do what you have to do and get done with it.

    Thankfully, my boy has only ever really peed on me once.

    Oh, and when poo (or most foods) stain baby clothes, put them outside in the sun for a day or so. It amazingly removes the stain!!!!

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  18. The secret to never getting peed on by a baby boy is to cover his penis with a wipe the second you open the diaper. Just lay it on top like a little blanket while you clean up the other areas and swap out the dirty diaper for a clean one, then use it to finish wiping him clean and fasten the new diaper quickly before he gets a chance to spray you. Once you get peed on once you will never make that mistake again.

    Liked by 1 person

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