If I Die Tomorrow
If I die tomorrow* I want to be remembered for being a great person, who lived with love and care for others and offered a helping hand to help those in need.
I want to be remembered for loving my husband and my family. I want to be remembered for loving my children, all of them. I want the world to know that I did everything in my power to protect and love each and every one of our babies. I want the world to know that every single decision I have made has been in the best interests of our children and our family. I want the world to know just how much I hurt that our babies didn’t survive, and how much our baby losses impacted me to my very core.
I want to be remembered for surviving and thriving. Surviving the loss of my mom and sister. Surviving the loss of each one of our 5 babies. I want it to be said that I learned to live in a new way, rather than giving up on life when things get tough and hard.
I want the world to know that my life wasn’t perfect, because perfect is unattainable and no life is perfect. But, what made me the person I am is that I worked hard to make the absolute most out of whatever circumstances I was faced with. I saw the beauty in life. I looked for the sunshine amongst the clouds and saw happiness, even on days where it was hard to see.
I want to be known for working hard. For always doing what was right, no matter the consequences to myself. I always stood up for the underdog and used my voice when others could not, no matter how hard it was on me. I want to be known for my integrity as a human being who always took the high road. As someone who had a strong ethical barometer, and listened to my heart. I was a person who was guided by compassion and common sense.
I want to be known for my adventurous spirit, which was allowed to soar from beneath my overarching practical personality. Whether it be my passion for travelling, or sky diving, I don’t want it to be forgotten that while I worked hard and I endured more than my fair share of loss, I also enjoyed life.
I want to be known for my smile and laughter. I want to be known for being straightforward and real, no matter the circumstances. Rather than hiding away my emotions, I want to be known for having real feelings and honouring them.
I want to be known as a mother, whose children meant the world to her.
I want to be known as someone who strove to make a positive contribution to the world. Whether that be making someone smile, volunteering for a worthy cause, letting someone know they are not alone in their darkest moments or sharing a laugh with someone.
When it’s my turn to leave this earth, I want to say that I lived my life with passion and I left the world a better place.
Of personal note, when I finished writing this, I realized no-where here did I say I want to be an amazing in my chosen profession. Nor did I say I want to be known for working 14 hour days at a desk in an office. I also did not say that I wanted to hire a nanny to raise my children so that I can keep up with the demands of my profession. At no time did I say that I want to be known for being a push over, who let people walk all over me for my entire life.
Who knew writing my own creepy eulogy/obituary-type thing would help me see my priorities more clearly.
But, thanks to this I know how I want to be remembered. And by knowing how I want to be remembered, I also know how I want to live. And so I will keep working on a few of my weaker points to help them shine a bit brighter.
* Please know that I have no intentions of dying tomorrow, or anytime soon.
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