If I Die Tomorrow

If I die tomorrow* I want to be remembered for being a great person, who lived with love and care for others and offered a helping hand to help those in need.

I want to be remembered for loving my husband and my family. I want to be remembered for loving my children, all of them. I want the world to know that I did everything in my power to protect and love each and every one of our babies. I want the world to know that every single decision I have made has been in the best interests of our children and our family.  I want the world to know just how much I hurt that our babies didn’t survive, and how much our baby losses impacted me to my very core.

I want to be remembered for surviving and thriving. Surviving the loss of my mom and sister. Surviving the loss of each one of our 5 babies. I want it to be said that I learned to live in a new way, rather than giving up on life when things get tough and hard.

I want the world to know that my life wasn’t perfect, because perfect is unattainable and no life is perfect. But, what made me the person I am is that I worked hard to make the absolute most out of whatever circumstances I was faced with. I saw the beauty in life. I looked for the sunshine amongst the clouds and saw happiness, even on days where it was hard to see.

I want to be known for working hard. For always doing what was right, no matter the consequences to myself. I always stood up for the underdog and used my voice when others could not, no matter how hard it was on me. I want to be known for my integrity as a human being who always took the high road. As someone who had a strong ethical barometer, and listened to my heart. I was a person who was guided by compassion and common sense.

I want to be known for my adventurous spirit, which was allowed to soar from beneath my overarching practical personality. Whether it be my passion for travelling, or sky diving, I don’t want it to be forgotten that while I worked hard and I endured more than my fair share of loss, I also enjoyed life.

I want to be known for my smile and laughter. I want to be known for being straightforward and real, no matter the circumstances. Rather than hiding away my emotions, I want to be known for having real feelings and honouring them.

I want to be known as a mother, whose children meant the world to her.

I want to be known as someone who strove to make a positive contribution to the world. Whether that be making someone smile, volunteering for a worthy cause, letting someone know they are not alone in their darkest moments or sharing a laugh with someone.

When it’s my turn to leave this earth, I want to say that I lived my life with passion and I left the world a better place.

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Of personal note, when I finished writing this, I realized no-where here did I say I want to be an amazing in my chosen profession. Nor did I say I want to be known for working 14 hour days at a desk in an office. I also did not say that I wanted to hire a nanny to raise my children so that I can keep up with the demands of my profession. At no time did I say that I want to be known for being a push over, who let people walk all over me for my entire life.

Who knew writing my own creepy eulogy/obituary-type thing would help me see my priorities more clearly.

But, thanks to this I know how I want to be remembered.  And by knowing how I want to be remembered, I also know how I want to live. And so I will keep working on a few of my weaker points to help them shine a bit brighter.

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* Please know that I have no intentions of dying tomorrow, or anytime soon.

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48 Comments on “If I Die Tomorrow

  1. This is great! I might have to ‘steal’ this exercise. There’s an article floating around the internet that shares the dying person’s list of top 5 regrets, and of course no one EVER says they wish they’d spent more time at work. I am so bitter about being chained to an office for 8 hours out of 5 days of the week. I think our society structure has it all wrong. 500 years from now, humanity (if we haven’t wiped ourselves off) will look back at this capitalistic structure and see us as having priorities all fucked up.

    Went on a tangent there, sorry! I really like your list. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • I say you should totally try writing this about yourself. I have no idea why I started writing this, and honestly it was pretty weird at times. But, I’m really glad I did it. It was so helpful to think about all of this to help me think about how I want to live now.
      And yes, in 500 years, if the human race still exists, everyone will think we were absolutely crazy for the way we lived.

      Like

  2. I think you would be remembered as all of those things and more! You are one of the strongest, bravest, kindest people I know – and that’s saying a lot since I only know you through your blog. But, all of those traits come through loud and clear in your writing. Life is so fleeting and so precious it would probably be wise for each of us to think about how people would remember us if we died tomorrow. Kudos to you for being so self-reflective and always striving to be a better person!

    Like

    • Thank you so very much for your kind words. Honestly, I know I carry a lot of these traits, but some I do want to strengthen. And writing this really helped me identify what I want to work on to be a better person.
      Again, thank you so much for your kind and wise words.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow. I wonder what I will be remembered for. So far, I haven’t done anything for anyone or the world for them to remember me fondly. Yes, my family will turn up, but I guess apart from my parents, siblings and of course husband and son, no one would really feel sad.

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    • Sorry, I also meant to add that this really makes me think.
      I should steal this idea and make a list of what I want to do if I die before 40, and another for 50 and so on.
      Maybe when I get to the 90 list, my first line will be, can I please die soon? 🙂

      Like

      • First, I suspect you are wrong about who would show up. Knowing you as I do, I firmly believe you have touched many people in your life.
        Second, I’m glad i made you think about what you want to be remembered for. It was an incredibly useful exercise. I’m curious, what would change if I wrote this for before 40 and before 50. I’m not sure if much would change since it’s a more about the values I want to live by, rather then things I want to do. I dunno, maybe I too should try.

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  4. Oddly enough, I just read an article that discusses “resume virtues” vs. “eulogy virtues.” Clearly, eulogy virtues are more important to you… and this seems to be less and less common these days. Anyone can build a resume, it tAkes a special person to build character. ☺️

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    • I had no idea that article existed, but it was such a good read! The article (thanks to Rae’s comment) really spoke to me and what I thought as I wrote this.
      I will continue to work on building character rather then my resume. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. That note at the end! Just read an article on career skills vs “eulogy skills” – gotta find it to share. I agree with this!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. What a great exercise to tease out your real values! You’re right, being amazing at your job and working ridiculous hours is not what you want to be remembered for. But living your life as authentically and true to your values is. I think I might try this exercise too! Thank you 🙂

    Like

    • It was an unintentional great exercise – I had no intention of writing this when I started writing. You should absolutely do this, because for me it was such a good way to think about my real priorities.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. What a fantastic exercise! I love all of your thoughts here, but even more, I love the way you were able to reflect on what you wrote and really gain insight from it. We should all do this!

    Like

    • Thank you so much Molly. When I started writing this I didn’t mean to turn it my own obituary/eulogy. But, it was such a great way to think about what matters in life. 🙂

      Like

  8. What a great way to really evaluate what is important in life and how you want tothers to remember you. The amount of loss that you have been through is truly heartbreaking, but you seem to remain so positive and optimistic in life. I truly admire that in you. xo

    Like

    • I had no idea when I started writing it, but it really was a great way to evaluate what is important in life!
      And, thank you so much for your kind words. Some days it takes more effort then others, but I do try really hard to hold onto hope for a happy tomorrow. 🙂

      Like

  9. I’m really glad that you tagged “happy” for this post, because when I saw the title I panicked a bit!! And I’m glad you recognize that this sounds like an obituary, because I was going to say that!! That being said…this is wonderful. You know who you are and what you want to be in life, and where you want to go, and now you have a clearer vision of that. If only everyone could be so focused!

    Like

    • Ha! I knew the title would throw people, but I also figured most people know me well enough to know that I have no intentions of dying anytime soon. 🙂
      It’s kind of weird how this post came to be, I didn’t start off writing anything like this and yet somehow it turned into my own obituary/eulogy. But, it was a great way to think about what really matters to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • True. I want to be remembered for the same things…which is why I really don’t want to go back to work after we have kids, until they go to school!

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I think it’s important to do an exercise like this every now and then — it really puts our priorities in perspective! I always say I want to live without regrets. Every time I tell someone that they say it’s impossible. And to that I say, maybe, but I’m going to try! On another note, thank you so much for your kind, thoughtful email yesterday. I really, really needed it, and it came at just the right time.

    Like

    • And, without knowing it when I started, this exercise was so valuable in putting life in perspective.
      I am so glad my email helped, in even just a small way. 🙂

      Like

  11. I share your desire and I am thinking of how I want to be remembered and what, if anything, I need to do further to leave these memories in the mind others. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

    • I really recommend doing it. It was weird to start with, but also oddly easy once I got going. I think there are a lot of good life lessons in writing this, at least there were for me. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  12. I know, that if God Forbid, you died…this is exactly how I would remember you. And I absolutely LOVE that is helped you to see where your priorities lie. 🙂 Although, if you do need to hire a nanny at some point, maybe J and I should just move there and I can be your nanny, lol.

    Like

    • Thanks my friend! You are always so kind. 🙂
      Also, I think there is a difference between hiring a nanny to accommodate working 14 hour days vs. hiring a nanny to help with everything. To me there is a difference in they why behind the decision, at least for me. Does that make sense? P.S. you should totally at least visit here so that we can be in-real-life friends too. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I totally agree on both the nanny point and coming to visit you…we’ll already be out West this summer, maybe I should try to convince J to go a little more North, lol. How far are you from Seattle?

    Like

      • Will do! J and I are going to have to sit down and finalize plans here soon! We’re debating whether to drive from WI or to fly out to Vegas and then start the road trip. Pros and Cons to both of course. 🙂

        Like

  14. I’ve done this, as well. Oftentimes, the act of writing something down (out of head and heart) helps make it more concrete. Then we are able to step back and see how the way we live is aligned (or not) with what we tell ourselves/ believe about ourselves and our lives.

    Wonderful exercise!

    Like

    • It is such a wonderful exercise to help us step back and see how we are actually living our lives. I’m glad you too have experienced the value that comes from this type of writing.

      Liked by 1 person

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