So, once again, it’s that time of the cycle. In about 3 days biology / Mother Nature will tell me if we are pregnant.

Which sign will be right – my dog or the pop bottle cap? (FYI, my dog jumped on me again the other evening, so that negative sign has gained some strength in my mind).

So, I thought I would wrap up this cycle, then by sharing the debate inside my head. Do I test, or do I wait?

Here are my reasons to test:

• I’ll get my answer. In my experience at this point in my cycle, if it’s negative today, then chances are that this cycle did not work. If the line is dark, then it’s positive. Either way, I’ll have an answer (I won’t necessarily love the answer, but I’ll have one).
• If it’s positive, I start on the prometrium ASAP. It cannot be a bad thing to start on the prometrium a few days earlier.
• If it’s negative, I will be so disappointed that we are still not pregnant again and that we have to keep living in 2 week intervals as we continue to try. I’m desperate to get this show on the road, and to see what will happen with attempt number 6. I’m sick of waiting to get pregnant. I’ve had enough waiting – waiting for beta results, waiting for ultrasounds, waiting for babies to die, waiting to get pregnant! I’m so over being patient!

And, here are my reasons to wait:

• If it’s a faint positive, it could just be a chemical pregnancy. I’m not really interested in going through that again.
• Why find out now if we are not pregnant? Why not have a few more days thinking we could be. There is more hope with a possibility then with a definite no.  I like hope….
• If I am pregnant, we will have to face all the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss fears – fear of another loss, fear of how my body will handle another loss, fear of the inevitable emotional rollercoaster, fear of the beta results, fear of the first ultrasound, fear of the second ultrasound, and fear of hoping. There are oh so many fears… If I wait to test, I have a few more days of ignorant bliss, where our past history of loss doesn’t matter.

Regardless of the result, we have an incredibly busy (and super fun) long weekend planned. So the good news is that I will either be drinking my sorrows away or happily enjoying a few days with my husband while being incredibly distracted and unable to focus all my time on all the fears associated with being pregnant.

So, do I test, or do I wait?

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