To Pee or Not To Pee, That is the Question

So, once again, it’s that time of the cycle. In about 3 days biology / Mother Nature will tell me if we are pregnant.

Which sign will be right – my dog or the pop bottle cap? (FYI, my dog jumped on me again the other evening, so that negative sign has gained some strength in my mind).

So, I thought I would wrap up this cycle, then by sharing the debate inside my head. Do I test, or do I wait?

Here are my reasons to test:

  • I’ll get my answer. In my experience at this point in my cycle, if it’s negative today, then chances are that this cycle did not work. If the line is dark, then it’s positive. Either way, I’ll have an answer (I won’t necessarily love the answer, but I’ll have one).
  • If it’s positive, I start on the prometrium ASAP. It cannot be a bad thing to start on the prometrium a few days earlier.
  • If it’s negative, I will be so disappointed that we are still not pregnant again and that we have to keep living in 2 week intervals as we continue to try. I’m desperate to get this show on the road, and to see what will happen with attempt number 6. I’m sick of waiting to get pregnant. I’ve had enough waiting – waiting for beta results, waiting for ultrasounds, waiting for babies to die, waiting to get pregnant! I’m so over being patient!

And, here are my reasons to wait:

  • If it’s a faint positive, it could just be a chemical pregnancy. I’m not really interested in going through that again.
  • Why find out now if we are not pregnant? Why not have a few more days thinking we could be. There is more hope with a possibility then with a definite no.  I like hope….
  • If I am pregnant, we will have to face all the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss fears – fear of another loss, fear of how my body will handle another loss, fear of the inevitable emotional rollercoaster, fear of the beta results, fear of the first ultrasound, fear of the second ultrasound, and fear of hoping. There are oh so many fears… If I wait to test, I have a few more days of ignorant bliss, where our past history of loss doesn’t matter.

Regardless of the result, we have an incredibly busy (and super fun) long weekend planned. So the good news is that I will either be drinking my sorrows away or happily enjoying a few days with my husband while being incredibly distracted and unable to focus all my time on all the fears associated with being pregnant.

So, do I test, or do I wait?

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53 Comments on “To Pee or Not To Pee, That is the Question

  1. Well, at first I was going to tell you to test…but then as I got to thinking about it, I think you should wait and hold on to that good feeling of hope for this cycle just a little bit longer 😉 But girlie….I’m sure hoping this is the cycle for you 😉 xo

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  2. Totally feel you, I’m having the same struggle today. I hope this is it for the both of us!!!

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  3. Even on cycles where I managed to pep talk myself out of testing in the morning, I would cave and test that afternoon. And then if it was BFN, I’d tell myself it was probably just because it was diluted afternoon pee. So my vote is always test, lol.

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    • Hahaha! I totally see this happening to me if I break down and test sometime late today. My hope is to wait until at least tomorrow, but I know there is a very good chance I wont make it that long.

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  4. My vote is always on test. But as your friend I say do what your heart tells you is best for you today (or tomorrow or whatever day you keep tapping into your heart). Meanwhile, I am really hoping that this is The Cycle (your dog could be confused by the shortening days, it happens).

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    • I am also usually a test and get the result kind of person – that way I know exactly what I’m dealing with. But, last month I was absolutely convinced I was pregnant, and well, clearly I wasn’t. And this month, I am pretty confident I’m not. And at the same time, I think I am so incredibly scared of being pregnant again that part of me wants to ‘hide” from the fear of actually being pregnant for a little while longer. So here I am being unsure of when to break down and test. I suspect this mixed up response might make some sense to you, maybe.

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      • Yep, I get it. And I am truly, deeply sorry you know such anguish as to be having this debate. I also should mention that my vote was biased by my own efforts to convince medical professionals that I was not making up the various chemical pregnancies I was having which finally led to me recognizing an immune connection (I have long hesitated to ask this but here goes: are you/”they” quite certain there is none of that at play in your case?).

        I must say, reading this (your reply to my comment), I would not test if I were you. At least not today. In the end, whatever you do will right for you. I believe in you.

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      • Please don’t hesitate to ask – I’m happy to answer. And, I do have an answer for the question of why we are not chasing the immune connection full heatedly yet.
        First, our RE and the second opinions we’ve sought, are adamant that we are young (31), and that one of the tries will work. They have done every standard test, and we have pushed for additional tests not normally ordered for RPL patients – all have come back saying we are both perfectly healthy and not pointing towards anything immunological. So long as we continue to be able to get pregnant, we will eventually get our little miracle.
        Second, I have a 5+ year relationship with our Immunologist and he is not convinced that there is an immunological issue causing our RPL. He knows my body has a strong reaction to grass, but I’ve been pregnant at all times of year, so we know that my grass allergy is not causing the problem. We are trying the gluten reduced/free thing, knowing that the science is weak but worth a try. We are hoping our RE will be willing to work with him and maybe come up with something a bit different for our next pregnancy – we will be looking into this further at our next check-in with our RE in mid-september.
        Third, note that I said, yet. We have decided to go through one more pregnancy (whether it lasts 6 weeks or 40 weeks) in the manner recommended by our current doctors. From there, we may re-evaluate, and I may be asking you for all your research and info on Dr. Braverman, if we chose to continue to try for a biological child. But, for now, we are pretty committed to one more try based on the current protocol that has been prepared for us (i.e daily aspirin, prometrium, etc.)
        Anyways, if you have any through on this, feel free to share them 🙂

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      • That makes sense. I ignored OBVIOUS associations between my pregnancies and my luteal phase and immune activity after my doctors told me it was unrelated (I think mostly because I didn’t want to deal with it and I wanted to believe they were right and it was all just coincidental). I am now quite certain they were wrong and trying not to beat myself for not making the leap to investigate reproductive immunology sooner.

        FWIW, my GP believes that no immunologist here (not my city, I think she meant the general geographic vicinity which would include your area) would be very warm to the idea of associating RPL with immunology and I could expect them to have the same response as most REs – glazed eyes, paternalistic and disingenuous nods, etcetera. I nevertheless asked for a referral (because clearly I need a bleepity bleep bleep bleeping immunologist if anyone around these parts does!) but I appreciated her candour. Yours may be different and at least has made the awesome offer to consult with your RE. I hope the RE accepts, too. And most of all I hope you never need to go down the road I’m now on but if you ever need to of course I’ll share all I can and support you throughout.

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      • I think the big thing about my immunologist is that we know each other. Because of my allergy shots I have literally seen him at least once a month for 5 years, and during the initial build up it was once a week for 17 weeks. And, he saw me go through our first 2 or 3 miscarriages. So, I’m guessing part of his willingness to look at me and RPL is that he knows me. Does that make sense?
        It definitely is interesting that he is even willing to look into it. And, I realize just how luck I am for that.

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    • I do like ignorant bliss!
      Testing 5 days early has never worked for me, except in the case of the chemical pregnancy. But, I think 3 days early has been positive before (I say I think, only because I’ve never thought to record the dates I test until recently).
      Anyways, I’m hoping to at least make it until tomorrow morning, but I make no promises. 🙂

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  5. You know… I never pee. (On a stick. I actually pee quite regularly. Way to go kidneys!) I feel like I’d rather let nature take its course. So much of IF feels monitored and decidedly unnatural to me. It’s the last vestige of mystery I have.

    Of course, I’m also a firm believer in doing whatever you need to get through. Do what you gotta do, pee if you’ve gotta pee.

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    • Good point, I do pee as well on a regular basis!

      Ya, the big reason I test is that the sooner I find out i’m pregnant, the sooner we start on prometrium. But, having had a chemical pregnancy a few months ago, I’m now a lot more reluctant to test.

      At this point, I don’t have any idea what I will do!

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  6. So hard!! I hate the waiting. I have typically waited to test. For me, the 2x I was pregnant, I didn’t get my BFP until a few days after my period was due. And I hate wasting money on negative tests. Usually, I try to wait for a day after my period is due before I test. I’ve never gotten an early BFP (that’s just me), so I got really good at waiting it out (I hate it but what can you do??). Hang in there! Praying you will have a drink-free weekend!!! 😉

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    • With all my pregnancies I’ve found out a few days before, but I don’t know how many days before (I never thought to record that until now). I don’t know how long I’ll be able to wait, but hopefully at least until tomorrow.
      Thanks so much for your support! 🙂

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  7. I think you should do what you feel is best for your and your husband. Personally I would wait, but everyone is different and what worked for me may not work for you! Either way I am keeping you in my thoughts and hoping this is the cycle!!!

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  8. Thinking of you. I know me and I know I would test but I also understand why you wouldn’t. Having a few days believing you could be can be a magical time. I recently saw a quote on a pregnancy after loss page on FB and it said “you can be brave and scared at the same time”. I loved it and when I read this post it just came to mind x

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  9. I am personally quite addicted to peeing on things, so I would probably have tested at least once by now. At the end of the day you have to go with what your heart and your gut say. It sounds like you are really wanting to test, it afraid that once again it will say no. You could always wait a day and see what you think then.

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  10. This is the same exact internal debate I have every month when trying to decide when to test! I go back and forth in my mind a million times with all the pros and cons. I think you’ll know when you’re ready. I’m really hoping and wishing so hard for you! ❤

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    • Thank you so much. As much as RPL sucks, it is nice to know I’m not the only one dealing with all these fears and hopes and trying to figure out how to balance them.

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  11. I want you to test now 🙂 but also understand why you want to wait. Everything is crossed for you that this is it hon. Sending you lots of prayers ❤

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  12. Pingback: The Question Has Been Answered | My Perfect Breakdown

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