I shall preface this by saying that today I am a bit random and full of sarcasm.

I love my parents dearly. All three of them in their own way.

• My Mom. My mom was amazing. She died unexpectedly in a car accident when I was 14 (the same car accident that also killed my sister). I am beyond thankful that I have vivid memories of my life with her, and I am thankful to be able to carry her memory with me in my heart and soul.
• My Dad. I was a daddy’s little girl growing up, and we have a long and at times dramatic history with my teenage years being particularly rough for me as I felt mostly abandoned by him as he moved on with my now step-family. We don’t always see eye to eye, and I don’t always appreciate his indifference towards Mr. MPB and I, but regardless of everything, he’s my Dad and I love him dearly.
• My Step-Mom. We weren’t very close for the few years we lived together and I’m not sure you’d use the word close to characterize us today. But I am thankful my Dad found someone as wonderful as her to share his life with.

Anyways, I think today is a good day to share the list of the lies my parents told me while I was growing up:

• The very first and most obvious one is all about sexual education. All I ever heard about as girl, starting in Grade 5 when everyone in my province learns about human sexuality, is that its super easy to get pregnant and the worst thing that could ever happen is having a kid while still being a kid. Seriously, procreating is not that easy for everyone! I understand why society, including my parents, tell kids this lie. But this lie makes the hurt of finding out the truth of infertility and recurrent pregnancy loss that much harder.
• With hard work and perseverance I can be and do anything I want to be. I have two examples of how, no matter how hard I tried, this just isn’t true:
  • I am not 5’9”. All I ever wanted to be was 5’9”, just like my older sister. I could wear high heels all the time, but I don’t think I could wear heals high enough of the time to make me reach my goal. And I tend to think that 4 inch stiletto heals look stupid on almost everyone. I have read that there is surgery where they can break your legs repeatedly and slowly stretch them, but this just doesn’t seem like a good idea in reality. And truth be told, at 5’5 ½” I’m not terribly short. But, the point is that I could not reach my goal no matter how hard I tried.
  • I did not retire by 30. I decided sometime around 21 that I wanted to retire, with a decent lifestyle by 30. (For me, decent lifestyle means not living out of box under a bridge somewhere while searching for food in garbage cans). Anyways, as it turns out, I did not marry rich, and I did not enter a profession that would make me enough money that fast. So, no retirement by 30 for me – that ship has long since sailed.
• My mom promised me she’d always be there for me. Oddly enough, a few months before she died I remember a conversation with her about the death of a couple in our community which resulted in their children being orphaned. I clearly remember the conversation, like it was yesterday in fact. During the conversation she promised she wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Clearly we didn’t have a crystal ball that could predict her death, and obviously if she had a choice she’d still be here. I understand the reason for lie, but the fact is, death can and will separate people even if they have no intention of leaving.
• Oh, and I wanted to be an amazing cook – I want my meals to actually be yummy, and not potentially full of E.coli or salmonella. I can assure you, this doesn’t always happen. I don’t love cooking, but I think I would like it a lot more if I were good at it. I practice. I practice a lot – like almost once a day, sometimes more. But, alas, no matter how hard I have tried, I cannot overcome my lack of skill with any sort of regularity. In fact, I have been fired from making espresso for my husband – he says, that the coffee beans went bad, but when I offered to buy him new beans, he said they taste fine when he makes his coffee (I think he was just trying to nicely fire me).

So there you have it. My parents lied to me. And I think most parents have told their children similar lies.

Oh, what I would give to be innocent and naïve to the hardships of life. To once again believe that life is simple and hard work will result in all my dreams coming true.

If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.