Since we decided to pursue our family via adoption, I’ve realized the strangest moment of my life will be the day I walk out of the hospital with someone else’s child.
Throughout life we are taught not to take things that aren’t ours. As young children we are all taught not to go with someone we don’t know, which also means not to take someone that isn’t ours. Kidnapping is generally frowned upon by all.
So, I’ve decided that walking out of the hospital with a baby that I neither took part in creating nor carried in my womb for 9 months, is going to surreal. To say the least.
Clearly, via adoption we will be the parents to this child and walking out of the hospital together as a family is exactly how it should work. No kidnapping will be occurring.
Yet, I’ve decided it’s not going to feel right. In fact, I’m 100% convinced that it won’t feel right. And yet, it might also feel completely right in the moment, I just don’t know yet.
And, I also have to acknowledge that while I’ll be walking out with my dreams coming true, another women, a mother, will be leaving with her arms empty. This is not a fact I can overlook. In fact, it’s a fact that will bind me to our future birth mom for the rest of our lives. Her selflessness and care for her child is nothing short of amazing in my mind. Her trust in us, is the highest honour I will ever receive in my life. And so, my heart will forever be linked to hers and I will forever be grateful to her. There is simply no-way to repay someone who voluntarily chooses to let you raise their child and call that child your own. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. And I can guarantee, that I will never take a moment for granted.
That said, I’m pretty sure I’m going to ruin the moment of walking out of the hospital as a family with some sort of sarcastic comment. Sarcasm is in my blood, so I know it’s going to happen. Either that, or I’ll walk out with tears streaming down my cheeks as I think about how so many lives have been forever changed.
(If I’m placing bets, I’m going with inappropriate sarcastic comment).
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This isn’t a question many mother’s can ask themselves. In fact, very few can even contemplate this. But for me, with adoption, it is my reality.
Our potential birth mother wants us there, if we can get there in time. In fact, she wants to schedule an induction in part so that we can arrive early and be there for the delivery. However, we all know that babies don’t always wait until their scheduled induction to arrive, so this might not happen. The reality is, no matter how we look at it, for us to get there is about a minimum of 20 hours between flights, layovers, customs and driving. And that’s assuming the stars align. So, realistically 20 hours is ambitious. So, if baby comes early, in all likelihood we will miss Baby MPB’s first day of life.
All this said, we are not sure if she wants us at the hospital in a waiting room or at the hospital in the delivery room. And whatever she decides we will respect, without influencing her decision either way.
Honestly, I’ll admit it, I’m really not sure I want to be in the room for the delivery. And while I’d like to be there in the waiting room, I think if my option is to be in the delivery room or miss it all together, I think I’ll be okay with missing baby’s birthday. How horrible is that?! I’m going to become a mother and I’m honestly okay with missing my child’s first day on earth? I’m not sure this is a normal way to feel, but in my attempt to be honest I’m not going to sugar coat my feelings.
So, let me explain why I am okay with not being there if that’s what happens:
- The potential birth mom has 48 hours after birth to change her mind. If she changes her mind and we’ve been there and have been caring for baby, I’m going to be even more devastated. If we miss the birth and don’t meet the child, maybe it will hurt a little less.
- I’d rather not set my heart on being at the birth if there is a very real chance we are going to miss the birth simply due to travel. I guess, this is a bit of strategy to avoid being disappointed and devastated.
- I’m not sure how I feel about watching someone give birth. I was never able to do this, at least not to a living child. Somehow it seems cruel to put myself in the audience of watching someone do something I will never be able to do.
- How exactly does the dynamic of birth occur when there is a potential birth mom and adoptive parents in the room? I’d love nothing more than for Mr. MPB to have the opportunity to cut the umbilical cord. But, what’s my role? It doesn’t make sense in my mind.
I do have mixed feelings. If it were solely my decision, I honestly don’t know what I’d decide. What I do know, is that it’s not my decision. If baby comes early, we are likely to miss the birth. If baby comes as scheduled and the birth mom asks for me to be in the room, I will be there. At the end of the day, right now my desires aren’t the priority. So, I am prepared to put my feelings aside and do whatever the birth mother wants.
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