When we chose adoption one the things that stressed me out the most was naming our child. I knew it was important to me to choose his name, and I also understood the long term importance of name changes for many (not all) adopted children. I worked hard to let this go and just wait to see what happened when the time came as I truly had no idea how this would play out in reality.
Early into our match we knew our birth mom liked the name we chose. But, we had no idea what would actually happen when it came time to fill in the birth certificate paperwork. Ultimately, it is the birth mother’s right (and I believe it should be) to write down whatever she wants.
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One of the most beautiful gifts our birth mother gave our son (and us) is that she filled in his birth certificate with the name we chose (and she liked). While she was filling out the paperwork, she even asked Mr. MPB to review it to make sure everything was spelt correctly.
So, from the time of the match through to his original birth certificate (and now forever), our son’s name is:
- First Name – Chosen by us as a name we love. Also loved by his birth mom.
- Middle Name – Chosen by us as a tribute to his birth mom and a name we really like. Also loved by his birth mom.
- Last Name – ours.
Writing our last name down on his original birth certificate was an unexpected and beautiful surprise for us.
And so, because she even included our last name on the original birth certificate, our son will never have a name change.
One of the cores of his identity, his name, will always be his. And, even more amazing, he will always know that all of his parents together gave him his name.
Adoption isn’t perfect and there are a lot of things about it that cause many children a lot of heartache as they grow up. And, while I do not have a crystal ball, I truly hope this act helps him know just how loved by everyone he truly is.
(He will still have his original birth certificate sealed and a new one created as is required by law. But that’s another post for another day).
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Now that the relinquishment timeline has passed, we are left asking ourselves (and our lawyers and agency) what happens next?
The simple answer is we have absolutely no idea.
We’d love to get to go home ASAP, but one thing we know forsure is that international adoption is not quick. And while the complete lack of certainty is driving us insane we are trying to embrace it because we really don’t have any choice.
We think we have to fly to another state before we can go home, but even that isn’t figured out. And the timing isn’t determined until ICPC (inter-state adoption rules) is approved.
We are told once the legal process starts to get us to Canada, it should be quick. But it cannot start until ICPC is approved. And of course, we have no guarantees. And the number of players involved including USA judges, Canadian approval and the incompetent agency makes it hard to believe this dance will go well. Something tells me no pirouette’s will be executed without at least a stumble, and possibly even a fall on the face.
Honestly, what we do know already is that things are about to get more complicated, not less. It’s very likely that I will not share the chaos we are enduring right now. I want to, and even though I blog anonymously, I simply cannot say or do anything that could potentially upset any of the players involved who have more power then we do. I have to play by their rules at leas for now. This also means I cannot share where we are now or where we are going next. (Thank you to everyone who has offered us help , just the offer is amazing, and shockingly still no-one is near us!!)
All of this said, I just keep reminding myself that no-matter what happens in the next few weeks, I know we can handle it because we are going home as a family of 3!
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My Perfect Breakdown 