When someone calls you a bad mother, no matter who that person is and even if they are equivalent to an internet troll, it’s not something you just brush off. At least not for me.
Let me be clear, this comment came from a very mean person in the blogging world, not someone who knows me in real life. And honestly, it hasn’t gotten me down. I’m not depressed or upset. But, I have found myself thinking a lot about this comment this weekend.
I have said before and will say again, I’m not perfect. Truthfully, I don’t feel as though I have strong maternal instincts. And, some of this mommy stuff is taking a lot of work as it doesn’t all come naturally to me.
But, if I’m truly fair in my reflection, I also know that I’m doing every single thing possible to give my son the life he deserves. And, I know that for the rest of my life I will do everything in my power to support and love him. And, no matter how I look at it, I know I am a decent mother because of simple things like:
- Account for mental health concerns in my parenting and life decisions
- Attempt to balance working and parenting in part as an effort to teach my son the value of hard work and dedication and in part to ensure we can provide him with the lifestyle he deserves.
- Play with my son in ways that encourage his physical and mental development. We read, we play tummy time, we sing (poorly), we go for walks, we go to the zoo, we practice rolling over, we go for hikes, we play with friends, etc.
- Make educated choices on what to feed my son.
- Ensure he is always well fed, clothed and safe.
- Will always respect and love his roots.
- Ensure to the very best of my ability for safe interactions between baby and dog.
- Try to take care of myself in order to be the best mom I can be.
- Love my son unconditionally.
I guess, what I’m saying is that I know I’m not the perfect mother, but I also know I’m not a bad mother.
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Those of us who experience infertility and/or recurrent pregnancy loss often alone and at times even scared. Our lives are dictated by medical appointments and a complete lack of long term planning. We live in 28(ish) day cycles and two week waits. We are in a constant hope-grieve cycle. Hope that this cycle will work. Grieving that the cycle didn’t. Hoping that this pregnancy will last and result in a healthy baby. Grieving when it doesn’t.
So, if you know someone who has shared their experience with you, please #startasking.
- Start asking with compassion.
- Start asking with love.
- Start asking meaningful questions and taking the time to really listen to the hard stuff.
- Start asking so that you can be a true friend and help pick someone up when they are hurting.
And you are 1 in 8 who is facing infertility and/or recurrent pregnancy loss, and you are suffering in silence, just as I did for years through 4 losses, #startasking for support when you are ready. Ask someone you trust and love. Ask a counselor or a therapist. For me, asking for help is one of the hardest things I can ever do, but I’ve learned suffering in silence is even harder. From my experience not everyone will be as supportive as you expect/want, but those who are will amaze you and will lift you up in your lowest moments. Ask for a listening ear and the opportunity to tell your story in your own way. Ask for a hug and a shoulder to cry on. Even ask for space when and if you need it. So please, don’t be afraid to start asking for help.
For more infertility information and support options, check out resolve.org.
#NIAW 2016 #StartAsking
If you like this post, please feel free to share and please click the follow button on the side or return to myperfectbreakdown.com to follow my journey.
My Perfect Breakdown 