Blogging Anonymity & Being Volnerable

I felt the need to write a note, and explain my absence.

I took a step away after I wrote my last post, because I needed to focus on life for a little while.

But, now my absence has been extended.  And truthfully, I’m not sure how long it will be extended for.

You see, someone left me a comment, claiming that my blog is not anonymous and giving me private details which I have never shared on my blog.  They also shared details about another anonymous blogger with me. (I let this blogger know, but will not publicly identify them here, so if you haven’t heard for me, don’t worry, it’s not you).

While, this person claims they aren’t telling me this to be creepy, I can assure you, it has been very creepy and very upsetting.  That said, I’m no fool, I know blogging anonymously has this risk and I also know all digital technology leaves a footprint.  But I also know the effort that is required to get the information they had is suspicious, and very likely not available to the average person.

I’ve notified WordPress.  WordPress believes it’s someone I know who has pieced together who I am, and is essentially screwing with me.  I don’t buy it and I have my own theories because while I may not be tech savvy, thankfully I know people who are.

But regardless of who this person is, or why they have chosen to share this info with me, or if they intend to try to use it against me in some way shape or form, what it has shown me is that WordPress’ security is not as secure as I thought. Clearly, my cloak of invisibility is no longer working.

The reality is, even while I may be okay with laying my heart and soul out to the world and having people discover who I am, the fact is, I am not okay with turning Little MPB into an adoption poster-child or even sharing his life with the world.  I believe those are decisions he can make one day, when he’s old enough.  And then there is also the basic safety concern that comes along with this, and basic safety very likely trumps everything.

So, what does this mean for My Perfect Breakdown going forward?

I truthfully do not know right now.

I may not continue blogging.  It’s not that simple for me to share my heart and soul if I’m censoring what I share.   And if I have to censor myself, then it’s no longer the blog I want it to be.  Hiding the vulnerable parts of life, is like hiding what’s real.  And, I’m not about to become one of those blogs that pretends life is perfect. And I sure as heck cannot turn my blog into some sort of crafty, cooking mommy blog, because I am so not crafty and my cooking skills are seriously lacking.

I will admit, I am also seriously considering the possibility of deleting my blog.  I have already deleted photos that I felt were possibly too identifying.  And, I’ve removed a few posts which were too identifying. But, as I think about my son, that may not be enough and I may remove the entire blog.  Which of course, removes part of the authentic nature of my blog.  But, needless to say, I realize this may be the end of My Perfect Breakdown.

I’m not prepared to make any decisions today, as leaving this community is not something I had even thought about until just the other day.

Needless to say, I have a lot to think about.

I promise I will let you know what I decide, when I decide.

35 Comments on “Blogging Anonymity & Being Volnerable

  1. Oh my goodness, how scary that must have been! As much as I would be incredibly sad to see your blog disappear, clearly you have to do whatever is best for the MPB family, especially little MPB — you always have your head on straight about these things, and you’ve been so careful about what you’ve shared and how over the years. I’m sorry that you’re having to deal with this. I think you have my email from a couple years ago, and I hope that if you do decide that you need to delete the blog you’ll keep in touch!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s awful and really, really creepy/scary. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Wishing you and your family the best going forward with whatever you need to do to keep yourselves safe in all senses.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow. I am truly shocked that this has happened. I see constantly how careful you are with your sharing and how you keep yourselves so well protected and it has been really impressive. I’m really sorry that it may come to you closing up your blog and removing it from the world. I do enjoy your writing and hearing your adventures as a family. I know that blogging has been a release of sorts for you as well so it sucks that you will lose that. But you have to keep yourself and your family in a place you are comfortable with and that is the most important thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh my gosh! I am so sorry this has happened to you. I am seriously getting the chills right now just reading this. That is very creepy and you have every reason to make the decisions you are making. This is such a scary thing to deal with. Unfortunately it does seem to be a reality these days.

    You have done such a great job, and I know that we will all miss you dearly, but safety is ABOSULUTELY number 1, always. And I completely understand and support whatever decision you make.

    I am so sorry that this has happened to you. And I will miss reading about you and your life. You have made such an impact that it is sad that someone is doing this, they don’t even realize the effect they are having on an entire community here.

    This being said, I have often considered the same thing. and I am far less ‘secure’ in things than you are.

    I hope you do find some way to keep in touch. I have always valued your words and your encouragement.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh MPB, I am so sorry. I’m so angry that this has happened. You have a gift of writing and I’m honored that I’ve gotten to know you and be a part of your life through this blog. It’s sad to think that others who may need the information you’ve shared with us might not get it because someone can’t respect your privacy. Love you, Friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. WOW. I am so sorry you’re dealing with this.

    I never blogged anonymously, but I got my fair share of creepy people who felt like they knew me/my daughter/my life and became obsessed to the point of leaving comments or sending emails that made me extremely uncomfortable. That’s when I decided it was too unsafe to continue blogging and I had to shut it down.

    I think something like this would have me shutting down the blog, too. Maybe this person was sincere in their warning. Maybe they are a weirdo who enjoys wielding power over people. Whatever their reason, they went too far and had no business looking for you/your identity.

    I was able to track down IP addresses of the creepy commenters of my blog and nailed down their exact geo-locations. If you know where this person lives, you’ll know better whether or not you know them in person.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I honestly can’t believe someone has done this. Gone out their way to make you feel this vulnerable. It’s shocking. I’m another who doesn’t blog anonymously really, but that’s because I don’t need as Im an open book – adoption is not this simple! And I appreciate little pb needs to come first. So sorry mpb.


  8. I’m so sorry this happened and I hope you are able to figure something out that you feel comfortable with. I would definitely miss your blog if you were to stop.


  9. I’m so sorry you’ve been so exposed by this horrid individual. I will miss your blogs going forward if you decide to end things here, but hope you are able to continue to find a way to be a part of the community.


  10. There was a time when I had another blog, that grew quite large and I thought I was anonymous too. Turns out, I really wasn’t and that is the thing about the internet. I had to shut it down quickly as I wrote things on there that could hurt people. It was hard and there were a lot of emotions involved, as I’m sure you are feeling now. My decision to move forward, with another blog, was not done lightly. But I now write in a way that if someone was to find it/or who I am, it would be okay. I would be fine with my words being found by someone I know, including my own daughter. I am sorry this happened to you and hopefully you can find a route that will work for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. So scary and brutal. Something like this happened to me years ago – I’m the earlier days of posting alone. It was awful and I considered calling police – it was found to be a teenager getting a thrill from trying to scare me. These days, I write much more generally – as I know you try to.
    I haven’t blogged in awhile for a few reasons but I had wanted to write about specific fertility and family situations that I didn’t want to share beyond this community. WordPress has a password option where people can only read your posts by requesting access from you. Might you feel comfortable trying this?


  12. Whatever you decide, I definitely and obviously support you. I hope we can still keep in touch! I have no doubt that we will. 🙂

    That said, I get it. There are things we are adamant about not sharing online anywhere. My son’s picture is not online. It gets awkward when we are at events where people want to take pictures. It happened recently at a church event. But I’m glad we continue to make this decision. Not much about my son is online, save a few mentions on my blog, but even then, I’m wondering if I should edit them out at this point.


    • Just had a thought as I was walking away from the desk. Maybe do a newsletter? That way, you can just write to those you trust. I’ve been toying with that idea for a little while myself.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I’m sorry this happened. That person sounds like a creep. It must be really frightening.


  14. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, it actually makes me so angry that someone would do this to you. You have been such an inspiration you’ve always been one of the first blogs I read in the morning. I hope you don’t delete your blog but if you feel like you have to we would all totally understand. You, your story and your family are amazing!!


  15. Holy crap! That’s all a bit full on. I had this happen when I was blogging on Emily Maine but by a blogger that became a friend – she just wrote to say btw you real email address comes with the WordPress notification when you comment. She was letting me know so I could do something if I wanted to and did it via email. I decided I didn’t care but I was forever aware that should someone dig it would be clear it was me. Anyway I’m sorry this has happened. It must feel awful as it sounds like it was handled in an odd way too xx


  16. If you delete your blog, archive it somehow for yourself and for LMPB. Were you able figure out who the person is?


  17. Oh my gosh this is super scary and I’d hate to see you go. But, I COMPLETELY understand because I would think the same thing. You have to take care of you and your family, and people figuring out who you are is incredibly scary 😞


  18. Oy, I think about this sometimes, but about a year and a half ago made a conscious decision to step outside of my pseudonym with my daughter’s permission. It was a difficult decision for lots of reasons, but my daughter was supportive–of course, she’s an older teen and I really looked to her to help with the parameters around how/when I would lay ABM down and be just me. For us, it was really about the ability to be advocates for older child adoption. She will be 18 next year and I’m looking at another decision about whether to continue or not–even with her permission–since she will be a young adult. I don’t know how I feel about writing about that yet; heck I’m still figuring out how to write about life with her in boarding school!

    Do whatever you have to do to feel safe and to protect your kiddo. ❤


  19. Oh my gosh! That is why I usually read the blogs, as a way to understand what my daughter goes through in her struggles with infertility, but I don’t really write much in my own blog. She is a very private person, and has trust issues in her relationships, so she doesn’t share much of her emotional struggles with her infertility with me. I can see what it is doing to her and see how withdrawn she is from family and friends, but I don’t know how to help her, so that is why I started reading the blogs… just to get some insight! However I do not write myself, even though I have so many things I would like to share, because I am so afraid that I will say one little thing that she may read and figure out it is me! There are so many times I have wanted to reach out and get other opinions on some of what I am seeing, but the fear of discovery keeps me from writing! The one thing I will say, is that it is heart wrenching as a parent to watch your daughter struggle through this, and even more heart wrenching to know that she feels so alone in the process, and to be powerless to help her. So reading these blogs helps me to at least have an idea what she is going through. Your blog has been so helpful to me, and I love your outlook. I will miss it if you stop writing, but I totally understand.


  20. Well, dang. I’m sorry. That really sucks. I would prefer not to miss you, so hope you’ll continue to follow my random scribblings – and PLEASE keep in touch. I’m here any time you need to brainstorm or vent about that foolish mutt of yours!


  21. Oh my days, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Sending you warm virtual hugs. It won’t be an easy decision for you to make. The blogging community is such a vibrant and loving place to be a part of but the most important thing is your safety. Make a decision that makes you happy and at peace.


  22. I hope you are doing well. I saw your IG post and am (as usual) behind on my blog commenting. Wishing you some peace during this huge invasion of privacy.


  23. This is certainly terrifying, it’s making me reconsider my decision of posting a certain blog that is quite embarrassing and shameful in my opinion, and that will probably follow me later in life if someone wants to dig up dirt on me. 💀


  24. Thank you for taking the time to update your followers. I follow you on IG so I saw this a few days ago and it breaks my heart but I understand. I blogged under a different name a long time ago and had to move it to private because I felt I was oversharing.


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