In the last few weeks I have received countless words of encouragement and countless positive comments. But mostly, I heard how much my writing has helped other people. And helping others is all I have tried to do.
To hear that what I have to say helps people, is serious motivation to keep using my voice to keep sharing. You see, for me it’s rather simple. I never want someone to feel as lonely as I did when we went through our first miscarriage, or made the decision to terminate for medical reasons or even or even when we went through our last miscarriage. Experiencing multiple losses has become a defining part of who I am, and so I feel compelled to continue to share my experiences so others know they are not alone. And, if I can help just one person navigate the adoption process and the extreme emotions that come with it, then I should keep sharing.
You see, the reason I want to preserve my anonymity isn’t because I’m trying to hide from what I’ve said. In fact, let me be clear, I am not ashamed of anything I’ve written. But I want to stay anonymous because I’m simply trying to protect my family’s privacy, especially my son, who did not ask to have a mother that shares her life with the world. And even more, I simply have no desire or intention to turn my son into a posterchild for adoption. So, I feel the need to continue to be guarded about our private lives and am not prepared at this time to share my real identity with the blogging world.
And at the same time, I firmly believe if anyone in my real life – my parents, my siblings, my friends, my co-workers and my clients – found My Perfect Breakdown and knew I wrote it, they wouldn’t shame and/or hurt me. I know some people would be hurt because I’ve been very honest about my feelings, but it has never been my intention to hurt others by sharing my truth, my perspective and my emotions. In fact, I often wrote my raw emotions, simply as an outlet during my darkest moments, an outlet that has been absolutely vital to my mental health and well-being. And, I trust and hope that at the end of the day the people in my life would understand that. And as much as a few people in my real life might not love everything I’ve written, I believe everyone I know would be proud of me for encouraging and supporting women and families around the world. And so, I believe most people would generally support what I’m doing here.
And, so as Mr. MPB and I considered all of this, we have made a decision about the future of My Perfect Breakdown. It was a relatively simple decision:
I will continue to share my story.
Yes, there are hacker’s and creeps out there, and to quote a friend “hackers gonna hack” so there is always a risk. But I think I’m doing more good than harm, and I believe there are ways to keep myself and my family safe to mitigate those risks.
It may be a few more weeks before I return like normal as I am taking some steps to better preserve my anonymity. But I will be back.
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