Yet Another Birth Control Update
I suspect a lot of people don’t really care about birth control options in the way that someone who went through years of infertility and adoption do. In fact, I also suspect most people just assume those who go through infertility don’t end up needing birth control because people associate infertility with not being able to get pregnant.
Well, for us, the only part of pregnancy we were good at was getting pregnant. Staying pregnant was our problem, which still makes me laugh at the fact that I’m technically infertile according to doctors. Anyways, this means birth control is an absolute necessity in our lives because we know we will just get pregnant again and we will loose the baby. So, one of our life long lasting impacts of infertility is how we prevent pregnancies and therefore how we prevent miscarriages.
So, about a month ago I mentioned that Mr. MPB was having a vasectomy as permanently effective solution. He had it, it went well, but it takes 4 months for it to be effective, which means we have 3 more months to wait. His recovery seemed to be okay from my perspective, but I still adamantly maintain having it 3 days before Christmas was stupid as his healing put a damper on all things Christmas.
But, I’ve been having more and more problems related to my Merina IUD in the last few months. Or maybe just the existing problems were becoming more and more intolerable for me – insanely long periods, bad skin, irritable mood, etc. My final straw was a horrendous pimple that is likely to causes a scar – while it might be slightly vain, I don’t care. I’m pissed about the very probable scar. No birth control is worth a life long scar. Anyways, because of how bad my skin was I finally went back to my doctor last week and said I was done with it. We went through alternative options to get us through the next 3 months – simply put no option is as good as the Merina IUD or an effective vasectomy. Every other option is either off the table (i.e. estrogen based birth control pills are not an option due to my migraines) or simply not as effective.
I didn’t make any decisions that day because I am a firm believer that birth control is a decision that Mr. MPB has input into. But on the assumption that Mr. MPB would support my decision I did book an appointment to have the Merina IUD removed in a few days because I AM DONE!
Mr. MPB and I agreed now was the time, not in another 3 months. So I am now IUD free, and as weird as it sounds less then 24 hours post removal I already am feeling better. But we really don’t have a great back up plan, we will be smart, but still nothing is as effective as the Merina IUD or the vasectomy. So, to quote Mr. MPB, the sad reality is that worst case scenario we end up pregnant and we go through another miscarriage.
In a way I cannot believe that’s hanging over our heads for a few months. And yet, in another way, I’m not even worried about it because I’m just so over being on that birth control and I know we are pretty smart people who should be able to prevent a pregnancy.
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Ugh…as IF infertility and loss is not enough, you have to worry about birth control?? It always kills me when I think of how infertiles still get to experience periods (usually horrendous), menopause and birth control issues….kind of a rip off, amiright?
Have you thought of good ole fashioned condoms? I know they’re not as enjoyable for the man – but then at least there is some measure of protection that you can feel fairly OK with…I know it’s not a guarantee and I can TOTALLY understand your fears…but it’s something better than the rhythm method or pulling out.
Regardless, I will cross my fingers that you DON’T have a miscarriage in the next few months while you wait for the spermies to die (wait…do they die? Now that I think about it, I don’t actually KNOW how a vasectomy works).
I’m in the same boat. I always thought the one perk to infertility would be not needing birth control, but after 7 miscarriages, I’ve found that’s far from the truth. It sounds like you’ll be fine for the next few months. I’ve been using the rhythm method since my last miscarriage (because like you I can’t find a birth control that doesn’t make me crazy), but I know that’s risky and I certainly don’t want to have yet another miscarriage. I’m thinking of trying a non hormonal IUD…
Ugh, what a pain in the butt. Congrats on getting your IUD out, though! I hope it’s a relief to be in the last few months of needing to worry about birth control at all. The end is in sight!
When we’ve needed to prevent during testing months, for example, we use a combo of condoms and rhythm method. Are you keeping track of your cycles at all? I’m an extremely reliable ovulator, so we use condoms around that time, and afterwards we know we can go without them. It’s not perfect, but for three months you can probably get away with it! Good luck!
I’m so glad you got the IUD out and I hope everything goes smoothly these next few months. I also do not like being on birth control so we use condoms when preventing. But they are a bit of a pain. Good luck!
Birth control is harder when hormones are off the table. Have you thought about a copper IUD? Same thing but no hormones.
I don’t have the same challenge with infertility, but I do have the challenge of not wanting a second child and also not able to take any estrogen based birth control pills because of my migraines. Even IUD is off the table until my hormone based migraines level out somehow. So we have had no choice but to use good ol’ fashioned condoms. Thankfully my husband is somewhat ok with having to wear them but I know he would prefer not to. But with my periods being out of whack, I can’t rely on rhythm method either. Poor guy knows it’s his only choice or we might end up like the Duggar family with a billion kids if we didn’t. Has this option been put on the table at all for Mr MPB? I know it’s a lot of men’s worst nightmare wearing them.
So glad you are feeling better already. Phew. I hope the next few months passes by quickly and you don’t have the added stress of all this coming about.
Every infertile person I know (in real life and friends I’ve made online), with the exception of one and myself, has ended up unexpectedly pregnant after years of IF and serious treatments (IVF and injectable IUI’s). I applaud you for taking this so seriously and for making sure you’re on a BC or doing every natural thing humanly possible to avoid another pregnancy and miscarriage. As we all know, we infertiles DO need birth control!
I’m sorry you had so many issues with the merena. I have that and I love it – I haven’t had a period for 2 years. I do agree that there are hormonal fluctuations that are unpleasant… Brian would agree too. 😂 For me, the major issue is not knowing exactly where I am in my cycle since I don’t get a period. And because people have gotten pregnant while on it, I’ve had my fair share of panic attacks. 🙄
Good luck in the next 3 months! Won’t you be relieved when it’s over?!
Such a difficult think to deal with after everything you’ve been through. I totally understand wanting to be as safe as possible. When you’ve struggled with “infertility” having to try to NOT get pregnant or deciding NOT to have anymore children brings up a lot of those emotions that the whole TTC process brought out.
Long term lurker, first time commenter. Totally relatable. After 5 miscarriages and my 4th d & c last January, I told myself no more. I waited a year and just booked a tubal. I am going to get my tubes removed mostly for closure so I know I will never have to experience another miscarriage. I know it is way easier for my partner to get a vasectomy but that dark place in the back of my mind would want him to have the option of having a family if I died. I can absolutely thank RPL for this dark little corner of my brain 😉
Good luck over the next couple of months. I know the thought of accidentally conceiving makes me sick to my stomach and brings on major anxiety.
Thank you for sharing YOUR story. Thanks for not holding it in. I have overcome 5 miscarriages. 4 of them I passed at home. 1 through DNC/DNE. And then years of infertility. I am also choosing to speak my story to other women to help remove the stigma of fertility. And also to help make these topics less taboo. If you would humbly consider following me to help get our stories out, that would be just beyond amazing. We need each other. ♥ Hugs to you today.
How are you feeling a month later since removal? My body rejected my IUD a few years ago and i miserably unhealthy till they removed it.