The Worst Experience of Our USA Adoption: Part 1

I’ve made no secrete of the fact that we had a rough time with our USA adoption agency.  In fact, had we known how horrible the experience was going to be, we would never have worked with this agency.  We knew it wasn’t going to be a great process early on because right after we signed up and paid our deposit, they raised their rates three times, to the point where we began contemplating other options, but ultimately were too financially invested with them to make any changes.

But, I have never shared what actually happened to us in the USA.  And, so today, I’ve decide it’s time to dig deep and share some of the down-right cruel and horrible things our USA adoption agency said and did to us while we were in the USA with our son.  And, I’m going to do this over the next three days.

But, before I start, I have 4 caveats.

  1. We had limited choices in the agencies that we could work with – in fact, there were only 5 agencies in all of the USA that were approved to work with our province in Canada – the regulations are based on the Hague Convention (international treaty governing international adoptions) and are rather strict.
  2. This is the only USA agency we have worked with.  I have no ability to comment if any other agency is better or worse.
  3. I am not sharing these things to scare people off of adoption.  Rather, I want to share what we went through in it’s entirety to educate people on adoption, the good and the bad.
  4. I will not publically share the name of the agency.

I’m going to start by sharing the least offensive and hurtful of the three most memorable horrible things they said to us while we were in the USA with our new baby.


I have no recollection of how it came up in conversation with our USA agency, but I will never forget the comment they made to us while we were in the USA with our son, who was only a few days old.  It was a simple comment, but one that struck me deeply:

Be happy, at least you can adopt.

They were right, at least we can adopt.  At least for us, adoption was a route that let us have the family we desperately dreamed to have.  After loosing multiple babies, after almost giving up on having a child, adoption was right for us.

And yet, I am keenly aware that many people can not afford to adopt even if they wanted to.  Many other people are so intimidated by the adoption process, that they choose not to pursue it.  And others, decide the unknowns and the stereotypical adoption fears are too much for them to pursue adoption.  And even some others are not approved to adopt, possibly because of their own medical issues, their age, their sexual orientation, etc.  So yes, at least we can adopt, we are fortunate to have this option open to us.

But, what wasn’t okay is that I felt like this comment was just a flippant as those who are outside of the adoption/infertility world and say just adopt to a couple who is struggling to conceive.  For me, these words are cruel.

And those words coming from an agency that is supposed to understand adoption (and infertility), are just senseless.

And in hindsight, was just the start of what we were about to experience.

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18 Comments on “The Worst Experience of Our USA Adoption: Part 1

  1. At least statements are something i am training myself to never say. They are not helpful, even when I am saying them to myself. How rude of them :-/


    • So in our experience in Canada adoption agencies are staffed by trained social workers. In the USA, they are just people who claim to know about adoption but really, they are just running a business. Unfortunately, that business involves so many innocent people whose lives will be forever impacted by what they say and do. It should be illegal.

      Liked by 1 person

      • No training?
        This is one of the most important events in people’s lives and they have no training. I had no idea it was like this – I guess I naively assumed they would have the children’s best interest at heart. Thank you for sharing how difficult the entire process of adoption can be.

        Liked by 1 person

      • We made the EXACT same assumption you did. We expected the agency to be just like our local agency. We were astounded at just how wrong we were!!
        If they have training, it is not through an accredited social work program. At least no-one we worked with in the agency had the formal education that we would have expected.

        Liked by 1 person

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